11 Things Every Introvert Must Do Just To Keep Their Sanity

11 Things Every Introvert Must Do Just To Keep Their Sanity

1 . Ducked into a store to avoid someone I knew on the street because I didnt want to chit-chat. Grabbed something off the rack and fled into a change room when I thought they might bepeering in the window to see if it wasme. Subsequently returned the iridescent green jumpsuit to the sales assistant, whisperingas I left.

2 . Snuck out ofan expensive social event without saying goodbye after merely 10 minutes because it was too loud and crowded to have a genuine dialogue with anyone. Induced the taxi driver wait while I picked upKFC on the way home. Consoled myself with a bucket of& until I felt whole again. Also a little ill.

3 . Felt crankyabout having to attend an event I had organized in the first place. Instantlyregretted my crazy and short-lived bout of sociability. Resented everyone for backing me into a corner by selfishly and thoughtlessly acceptingmy invitation.

4 . Accepted an invitation and thencancelled plansat the last moment after an extended period of self-searching, self-justification, and general self-loathing.Repeated the cycle endlessly for years, with complete amnesia every time.

5 . Shown genuine illness of differing virulenceand closeness to demise in order to have a legitimate excuse for aboveplan-cancelling. Gave small, Norma Desmond-like sighsfrommy convalescent sofa as I recuperated from my bubonic symptoms.

6 . Spent entire dinner parties talking to the hosts kids. Texted hosts the following day to apologize for severalinappropriate things that had been said. By the kids, I entail. Sheesh, kids today!

7 . Stole a bottle of champagne and hung out with anglers on their boat to escape yet more socializing at a corporate team-building weekend. Sang withthe fisher dudes. Was asked to stop. Nicely, though. They were polite fisher dudes and to be fair you probably need your ears to stop bleeding if you want to focus on catchingfish.

8 . Feigned not to understand the instructions when told to in a group fitness class. Fostereda confused lookwhen asked to. Maintainedan expression for the rest for the class that suggested recent and not entirely successfulbrain surgery so people would keep their distance.

9 .* Accidentally* elbowed the person or persons next to me at a play when I felt he was in my personal space. Vehemently denied it when my husband, frowningand rubbing his arm in confusion, asked what I did that for.

10 . Faked an elaborate coughing and sneezing fit when someone looked like they were going to sit next to me at a not-very-crowded movie. Glared passive-aggressively at them when they sat there anyway. Was so confused by my intense program of huffing and glaring that I missed most of the movie. Fortunately it was so I altogether won that one.

11 . Set up an extended perimeter in an uncrowded body pump class sonobody could set up too close to me. Fashioned my boundary from excess weights and spare bars.Looked nonplussedwhen the class finished andit turned out I had no use for all that extra equipment.

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