30 Hardships I Suffered Before I Turned 30

30 Hardships I Suffered Before I Turned 30

1. Got depressed because my daddy ran broke, lost our home, and went insane . Hed cry all the time, ask me whats wrong with me? and listen to music until he died. 2. Got depressed because the first ten girls I asked out didnt like me and said no . Two actually ran away before I finished my question. One said yes and then the next day told her friend to tell me no. 3. Got depressed when my mom hit me because I woke up my father after his surgery . He attained me stand in the middle of the room and not move while she came over and made me. 4. Got depressed when the first business I started, CollegeCard( a debit card for college student ), went out of business after less than a year . 5. Got depressed when I was hurled out of grad school . The letter cited absence of maturity. I had dinner the other day with the professor who wrote the letter. He said that it was Nobel-prize winning economist Herb Simon who said, why are we letting that guy sit at a desk doing nothing when we could have a student there who is doing something and I guess he was right.

6. Got depressed when women I was in love with went home for a few weeks to her “countries ” and their own families received a letter I wrote to her. So they arranged a wedding for her within days and when she came back into township she denied we ever were going out. I called a friend of mine on the phone but was screaming so much I couldnt speak and he couldnt figure out who I was so he hung up.

7. Got depressed when four novels I wrote didnt get published by the time I was 26.

8. Got depressed when 50 short narratives I wrote and sent out to magazines didnt get published . All of them got was denied by sort letters. Out of the thousands of letters and copies of writings I sent out in my 20 s I did not get back one personalized rejection. I ran ten hours a day on writing and nothing came of it in my 20 s, with no hope for the future. 9. Got depressed when a Tv reveal I pitched to HBO get rejected after we spent a year shooting a 45 minute pilot . The female in charge of the decision said, For material like this you need to either depict person shooting their mom while naked or show your neighbors f *** ing. She is now in charge of HBO Family programming. 10. Got depressed when a 13 year old little girl crushed me in chess . Her name, in fact, is Irina Krush. I was a strong player and had examined for years. She analyzed the game for me and told me where I went wrong on the ninth move. I gave up playing tournament chess then. 11. Got depressed when Amy opted another guy over me . I truly fell hard for her. She married him and has a kid. I ran into her a few years ago. I still fell hard for her. 12. Got depressed when I liked this girl, Jaimie, and she liked me , but I was always so nervous and intimidated by her that I couldnt perform . One night she literally kicked me until I fell out of the bed and she told me to get out. So that was that. 13. Got depressed when I moved into my first apartment by myself . I had only one foam mattress and it was hot and I had a fever and all my sweat soaked thoroughly into the mattress. When I woke up in feverish pain in the middle of the night on top of my sweat-soaked mattress I was covered by roaches. 14. Got depressed when I entered a tournament for writing a 3 Day Novel . I finished the fiction and I called my girlfriend at the time. I wanted to get together. She said, I thought we were taking a break. And that was that.

15. Got depressed when I quit my job because I thought my business was going to take off and on the first day full day at my business our largest client cancelled us.

16. Got depressed when I jumped off my bed, pretending to be Superman , and I broke my toe and had to wear a casting . Then I had to start a new school as a first grader and I was that kid limping with the cast. 17. Got depressed when I was ten years old and I was caught stealing football cards at the local plaything store . They turned my coat upside down and packs of cards came out. They said, is that it? and I said yes. They shook more. More packs “re coming out”. IS THAT IT? Yes. They shook more. More packsAnd so on. 18. Got depressed when ten minutes later they discovered my grandparents and asked them to come to the back of the store. The looking my grandmother “ve given me” .

19. Got depressed when I was 16 andI had so much acne and so many cysts you could barely see my face.Id hear daughters talking about me and looking at me and then look away when I appeared. One guy, Yung Shin, told me: merely try and smile a lot.

20. Got depressed because cysts are purple . 21. Got depressed when I cut school because I was so embarrassed of how I looked . I went into NYC and got mugged and my knapsack was stolen from me and a bunch of books I wanted to read that day. Afterwards: my mama asking me, where is your knapsack? and I had no answer.

22. Got depressed when I was eight andmy dad convinced me to donate all my games to charity and he would give me his tax write-off. I didnt even know what a taxation write-off was but I thought it was a lot of money. I devoted him about 20 games( Monopoly, Chutes& Ladders, Trouble, etc ). About six months later he gave me a dollar.

23. Got depressed the first semester of grad school when I failed ALL of my courses . Up until then I supposed I was smart. But at that moment I knew for the rest of my life I would have to fake it. 24. Got depressed when we moved to a new township when I was five . My new friends thought it would be fun to hold my hand on top of a burning barbecue for as long as possible. We moved a month or so after that. 25. Got depressed when I was unhappy in a relationship but we were living together and both of us too poor moved away . So I stayed at work and played online chess all of the time. At least 20 hours a day. And she would be upset at me and bang on my office door but I would lock it and pretend I wasnt there. 26. Got depressed when she cheated on me. But I deserved it . 27. Got depressed when my college girlfriend and I took Kung-Fu class Freshman year of college and she beat the shit out of me .

28. Got depressed when I started a brand new task in NYC and my dad bought me a suit and I was walking to run from the bus station when the woman standing two feet to my right was run over and killed by a taxicab that came up onto the sidewalk. I was depressed but it was worse for her.

29. Got depressed on my very first memory . I was in some sort of big crib even though I was too old for cribs. I was hollering. It was early in the morning. Eventually my grandmother lifted me out of the crib so I could play. I dont think I have another memory until at the least a year after that. 30. Was very happy the first time I was kissed. It felt like liquid electricity massaging all of the blood in my body .

And this was as bad as it get. Not so bad.

Sometimes I feel like Im the luckiest person alive.

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