Having sex with person for the first time is super exciting, and there’s really no time frame for when it’s right.
There are times when I’ve hit it off with somebody so intensely that we’ve had sex on the first date. There are other days when we’ve gone on a few dates before doing it, and still others where we were friends for so long that we never had a date to begin with.
Feelings don’t stick to a strict schedule. That’s why I’ve learnedto tune into what’s going on with me, what kind of connect I’m sensing, and where I’m at physically as well.
These are the things that help me figure out whether or not I’m ready to have sex with person for the first time.
1. I Felt Comfortable
Before I have sex with somebody, I need to know that they are respectful of me. This includes firm confidence that they will pay attention to my borders and listen if I convey discomfort.
According to Dr. Nikki Goldstein, expert sexologist and author of, these boundaries vary depending on who you are.
For some people, sex on the first date or early on is fine, and the objective is comfortable with it. For others, they need to feel connected, intimate, and safe with person before they jump into bed, Dr. Goldstein told Elite Daily.
For me, these lines vary depending on how I’m feeling. Casually seeing someone versus looking to seriously date them also plays a role. There’s no incorrect boundary to set, though, and it’s important to listen to your intestine instinct, whether you’re heading out on your first date or your 31 st.
Feeling comfortable also entails knowing that the person goes into the bedroom with an open intellect, that they’re into providingpleasure to their partner and not just seeking their own, and that they’ll be appreciative of what happens , no matter what.
Obviously, this can’t all be gauged before actually going to bed with someone. But before I have sex with the person or persons I’m seeing, I wantto have a pretty good notion of how they’ll act in the bedroom.
2. I KnewThey Were EmotionallyInvested
Before I have sex with person, I don’t need to think that we are going to spend the rest of our lives together or anything. At this point, I doubt I’m guessing beyond the next week.
What I do need, though, is to feel like the person I am ensure is equally invested in me emotionally. I also need to be pretty confident that that investment isn’t going to disappear as soon as we have sex.
Of course, there is always a risk that a person who is attached at first will become emotionally unavailablelater. Paying close attention to their behavior over time should help you gauge whether or not you’re with a person who is going to flake.
I can tell whether or not a person is into me by insuring how they treat me. It’s definitely more about what they do than what a person tells. Does she respond to my text within a reasonable sum of period? Does he get in touch with me if I haven’t hit him up?
If I am in doubt about how a person feels aboutme well, it’s better to ask than to stay in the dark. Some people are shy or slow to answer. A simple question ahead of time can save you a lot of pain down the road.
3. I Felt Good About Myself With And Without Them
When I was younger, before I was fully in control of my sex life, I think there were definitely a few occasions where I rushed into sex to please the other person.
I didn’t have the best self-esteem when I was younger, and I’ll admit that sometimes, I had sexuality as a confidence boost. More often than not, however, this backfired.
Sometimes, this happened before we even talked about one another’s sex health a conversation that, these days, I feel is an absolute must.
I know I am ready to have sex with somebody when I’m not entirely focused on how they’ll think ofme in bed. If I am emotionally close to them and comfortable, I’ll be more interested in our reciprocal pleasure of each other.
And when it comes right down to it, I will have the confidence to know that it’s 99 percent likely that my partner will have a good time. If they don’t, I’ll also be in a place where I’m able to say that it’s them and not me.
4. I Felt In Control
When it’s the first time with somebody new, I know that if I feelin control of my wishes and my body, then the sexuality has a better likelihood ofnot being totally awkward.
Being nervous the first time you’re having sexuality with the person you’re find is pretty normal. You’re not familiar with their body, their predilections, and what feels good to them.
That’s actually kind of amazing because it means that this is your chance to communicate and begin to explore one another.
I’ve found that being out of control induces it seem a lot less amazing and a lot more clumsy. This is especially true if we have been drinking to appease our nerves.
Waking up feeling embarrassed in the morning because you don’t know what you said or did the night before is not a great feeling. It might even attain you feel like you have to run in shame from that person you were really into 12 hours ago.
Tune into what you want and find a way to stay in control and to soothe your own fears. Clue: It won’t be at the bottom of that bottle.
5. The Timing Was Right
There are certain times of the month when I’m just more into sexuality than others. I’ve learned to be patient with the process.
When I’m ovulating, for instance, I often get cysts. I know because I have a twing-y pain in my pelvis. This has induced sex truly painful in the past. It’s definitely not worth rushing into.
As for period sexuality, I’m entirely down if I’ve been with a person long enough to know that they won’tbe weirded out by it.
If they’re not? It causes a lot of hassle and will probably lead to me feeling resentful of the person or persons I’m seeing for not being more open minded.
While my boundaries might fall a few months after going steady, it takes time for that to happen. I want to be sure my body is in alignment with my intellect when I’m having sexuality with someone for the first time.
Trust me, I know it’s tough. When you’re really into somebody, you want to hop into bed right away. And while there’s no substitute for sexuality, just think about how much that anticipation is going to turn things up a notch when you ultimately do get into bed.
While it’s not sexuality, there’s nothing incorrect with a good, old-fashioned make-out sesh if you feel you only aren’t ready yet.