The War on Drugs, which has killed countless individuals and hurl millions more into jail, is coming to a close.
One by one, states understand marijuana is not some nasty drug but can actually help many people relieve stress and ache — but that still does not mean people will be allowed to smoke wherever they want.
In Colorado, smoking weed in public is still banned, as well as possessing more than 1ounce of THC. In pretty much every country, smoking marijuana in public will lead to a fine. And while a fine is better than going to jail, losing $500 still sucks.
But that does not mean you need to be a good, little citizen and squirrel your pot away. As long as you are careful, there are ways to smoking in public. Here are some clues for smoking in public without running into some overbearing cop.
1. Remember Steinborn’s rule.
A few years ago, Washington defense lawyer Jeffrey Steinborn came up with this one simple rule for a pot smoker 😛 TAGEND
Only violate one statute at a time.
At the end of the working day, you are perpetrating a violation by smoking pot, and you just have to accept that. You don’t wishes to make things worse by piling other violations on top of it.
Furthermore, it is often those other violations which attract a cop’s attention. How many scenarios have you heard in which a cop pulls over a automobile for speeding or broken taillights, merely to reek pot and rend the vehicle apart in the search for medications? That happened all the time before decriminalization and will still happen afterward.
In fact, I would flat-out recommend you not transport pot in your automobile if you can help it, dedicated it is the easiest place for a cop to stop you; it is much easier for a policeman to search your auto without a warrant than your home.
If you do decide to transport weed, at the least put it in the trunk. Don’t set it in the glove compartment or only throw a bag into the back seat.
Even in places weed is decriminalized, it is still sensitive material. Don’t give cops an easy chance to find it and ruin your day.
2. Don’t look like a pothead.
We all know the stereotypical pot smoker. Heck, you may have met someone just like that( I know I have .) But that stereotype is dangerous for marijuana and marijuana smokers.
As long as the general public perceives pot as this useless medication taken by lazy stoners and hoboes, make further efforts to construct pot socially acceptable will remain difficult.
Of course , no matter what you look like, there’s no point being blatant about it. Invest in a quality vaporizer and you’ll remove that telltale smell altogether.
Those familiar with portable vapes know it’s really difficult observing one that is efficient with dry herb and works as well as a desktop vape. But, there are an increasing sum of options on the market.
Lastly, remember, how you carry yourself in public, in big part, comes down to your nonverbal communication, such as what you wear and how you look.
3. Accept when you’ve been caught, but know your rights.
Sometimes, you are just unlucky. Perhaps the wind blew in the wrong direction and a policeman picked up a whiff of marijuana. Maybe some cop had to meet his ticket quota and stopped you even when you did nothing incorrect. If you are going to smoke marijuana in public, you have to accept you may get caught.
So, be sure to know the exact marijuana statutes in your region. In Colorado, there are route too many people who hear, Pot is decriminalize, and assume they can smoke whenever they want and however much they want. That is not true, and you need to know the laws so you can get out of trouble.
If you do get stopped, be polite and comply with any direct orders a policeman gives you, even if you have reason to believe the order is illegal. There is a good chance you can get any illegal order thrown out in court.
Finally, never give up proof on your own volition. If you have reason to believe you could be in more legal trouble than a mere fine, then shut your mouth and don’t speak until you get an attorney.
( CNN) Leon Russell, who emerged as a rock ‘n’ roll star in the 1970 s after running behind the scenes as a session pianist for other musicians, died Sunday in Nashville, his wife Janet Bridges told CNN. He was 74.
Russell died in his sleep, his wife told in a statement posted on his website . Honey Bridges, his daughter, told CNN he was regaining from a quadruple bypass when his health took a turning for the worse.
It acts on opioid receptors, hence the panic. But since some heroin users take it to ease withdrawal, its prohibition could have some very harmful effects indeed
Just this morning I got an email from a head shop Id dropped into on my last trip to San Francisco. I didnt recall leaving my email address, but I certainly remembered the shop, festooned with fascinating herbs in colorful packets, unfamiliar plants, water pipes like octopi, merging aesthetics with efficiency. Sunshine streaming through the windows and the scent of incense, barely noticeable but enchanting as always.
I was visiting the haunts of my hippy days, the famous intersection of Haight and Ashbury, and of course everything looked so much cleaner, more commercial, and, well, more legal, than it had back then. But what to buy? I dont normally take drugs anymore, legal or not, but I recognized the name kratom on several vividly coloured pouches on display behind the counter.
Kratom (Mitragyna speciosa) is sold as the crushed-up leaf of the kratom plant, grown in jungles throughout southeast Asia. You can make kratom tea or dissolve it in juice to experience its effects, and its become increasingly popular all over the Western world (though its been around for centuries). You can buy it at head shops, hundreds of internet sites, and now at kratom bars popping up in Los Angeles and other happening places. Obviously some people enjoy this legal high.
Kratom was indeed the subject of the email, and the tone of the message was urgent:
Important Info Regarding the Future of Kratom
In case you havent heard, theres a very important development regarding your access to this safe and incredibly helpful herb!
On August 30 the DEA announced their intention to place Kratom on the Schedule I list of substances starting September 30.
You can read all about this remarkable decision by the drug police. Theres a tidy article in Forbes, theres lots on YouTube, and the DEA site succinctly states their rationale:
The Drug Enforcement Administration (DEA) today announced its intention to place the active materials in the kratom plant into Schedule I of the Controlled Substances Act in order to avoid an imminent hazard to public safety.
The first thing you should know is that Schedule I drugs most famously heroin, and somewhat embarrassingly marijuana and LSD call for the most severe controls and punishments. (Meth and cocaine are nearby on Schedule II). So the kratom user may end up cell-mates with meth and heroin addicts.
The second issue is why? Whats the imminent hazard to public safety?
I wasnt aware of any hazard when I asked the pierced young woman behind the counter what type of kratom I should try. I had taken kratom with a friend in the Netherlands where I live. Here its fully legal and sold in shops, as it is in most (but not all) Western countries. Kratom happens to be illegal in Thailand, apparently because it undercuts the lucrative opium industry.
I hadnt felt much the first time Id taken kratom and wanted to give it another try. So I asked the young woman what she recommended and she brought out a menu card. Midnight Blue is the most relaxing, Sunrise is sort of stimulating but mellows you out at the same time. Starshine just helps you feel … centered. Each mixture was touted to profer a slightly different buzz. So I bought a couple of packs for about $20 and got a little … high?
High is a strong word for what kratom actually offers. This plant is just one of a list of age-old plants and herbal extracts that make people feel a bit peppier, a bit happier, a bit more relaxed. A list that includes St Johns Wort, ginseng, wild lettuce, coffee (yes, coffee), kava, lavender, valerian, betel nut the list goes on and on. The word medicinal is sometimes used. But high? That would be stretching it.
You can read all about kratom on the web, but perhaps one reason the DEA considers it an imminent hazard is because part of its effect comes from stimulating opioid receptors. You know, those receptors that get you smashed when you shoot heroin. Anything that stimulates opioid receptors and makes you feel pleasant must be very dangerous, so we shouldnt take any chances. In fact, lets ban alcohol (martinis owe much of their buzz to opioid receptors), lets ban jogging (that notorious runners high a long, winding road to the gutter). And while were at it, lets ban breast milk, which helps babies feel relaxed because it too stimulates opioid receptors.
But kratom is not an opiate. The molecule isnt even vaguely related to morphine or heroin. Its just an herb. Its impossible to overdose on kratom. Youre likely to get a headache if you take too much. The roughly 20 deaths attributed to kratom in recent history are thought to be caused by other drugs: the National Institute on Drug Abuse notes that commercial forms of kratom are sometimes laced with other compounds that have caused deaths. And considering the 88,000 deaths per year linked to alcohol and the 28,000 overdose deaths from opiates (heroin and painkillers) in the US alone, it seems someone isnt doing their math.
Is kratom addictive? Maybe a little. But not as much as coffee and cigarettes or Q-tips, tattoos, and Pokemon Go. And if you take it daily, guess what? It loses its effect.
Ive made the DEAs announcement sound silly, even stupid. There they go again, banning whatever bothers them until voters in Colorado or somewhere start to object. But theres a terribly tragic outcome to be expected if kratom is banned. Because kratom attaches to opioid receptors, its an ideal way for heroin addicts to get off heroin with minimal withdrawal symptoms a harmless, herbal methadone substitute. This folk-wisdom is splashed all over the net and freely shared among drug users. If kratom is banned in the US, many heroin addicts who want to quit will go back to heroin instead, and many, many more people will die.
Everyone enjoys sexuality, except for people who don’t, and that’s a fact you can define your watch by. Your sex watch ! And many of us are not above the idea of a hookup just for the thrill of it, because if you’re cool with it and they’re cool with it, bolt anyone( not literally) who tries to magistrate you or suggest there are only certain relationships that are worthy of being sexual. If you’re not hurting anyone and they’re not hurting anyone, then kick it like rabbits and hump till you get a friction burn, is what my granny always told. But beware! You can cause serious damage to your humpability by falling victim to any of this tomfoolery.
Your Bathroom Is A Reflection Of Your Soul
No room in your home will ever be more honest than the bathroom. You can pretty up a living room with wall sconces and IKEA shelving, and you can use marble counter tops in the kitchen. But the bathroom, behind all the fluff, is the room where you sit bare-ass on a chair filled with water and expunge your garbage. It’s as close to your spirit as a room can get.
Because the bathroom is so honest, you must treat it like a drunk friend who knows too much: Be wary, for it will spill your secrets when you least expect it. Not out of malice, but simply because that is its nature. You may think you’re putting your best foot forward and really charming the literal pants off of someone, and then they excuse themselves to use the bathroom, at which point you have zero seconds left to stem the tide of what may follow. Is there filth-encrusted tissue sitting on top of your trash can? How about errant feminine hygiene products? Is the bowl clean, or is it decorated with a thin layer of ass spackle? Has anyone pissed on the wall and left drip marks that shine in the light when you turn your head just so? Is there a hairy razor sitting on the side of the sink? Did you hang a wet pair of underwear over the shower rod? Is your hemorrhoid cream sitting outside? THERE ARE SO MANY QUESTIONS!
The one-night stand is a purely impulsive decision based on your boner or lady boner’s insisting that you scratch your groin on someone else’s until your brain nods in fervent agreement. Both of them, and you at this point, will have forgotten if you bothered to tidy up the house. You will merely remember at the moment your new crotch-cuddler asks to use it, and at that point it’s too late to do anything about it. A solid rule of thumb is to give your bathroom a once-over every time you leave it. Seem at it as if you were visiting someone else’s, and if anything constructs you cringe, fix it before you leave.
jarmoluk/ Pixabay If the thought of wading through someone else’s groin shavings gives you intermission, take care of it .
Your Kitchen Is As Important As Your Hygiene
You may be surprised to learn that I am not an immaculate homemaker. As it happens, I ascribe to the “If it’s in the house, it’s where it belongs” method of cleaning up more often than not. So generally, when it came to keeping the kitchen clean, as long as nothing was melting, festering or rusting, I was pretty confident that I had shit under wraps. This never went over well when anyone came over and wanted to actually ingest anything other than their own dread. When your dishes form a squatter community across your counter and your fridge contains bags of soup, what you’re saying to other humen is “Hello, I’m a Morlock. I’ve simply escaped my subterranean lair and wish to mate with one of your kind. Our spawn will be raised in a Rubbermaid storage tub.”
Your home is a reflection of yourself. A super-tidy, immaculate home may be the sign of an anal-retentive neat freak, while the eye of a shit cyclone is indicative of someone who may utilize newborn wipes in lieu of raining. You want a happy medium that doesn’t offend yourself or others, because yes, people judge you. And rightly so. You deserve to be judged if your go-to style is squalor. I deserved to be judged, and judged I was. Do you know how much tail I missed out on as a result of my hapless neglect for cleanliness and organization? One. One whole tail. And that’s a lot for me. Do you think I’m up in here having all the sexes? I once wrote a piece about why life would suck for a zombie, because I have the time to consider what life would be like for a zombie, because I have nothing else going on except cleaning my kitchen.
The Drunken Stupor Is Only Fun Until You’re Naked
I understand that a large portion of one-night stands are birthed at the lower end of a bottle of peach schnapps, and that’s fine. A little booze goes a long way in constructing some people more humpable. But there is a limit. If either one of you is so sloppy drunk that you don’t know what you’re doing, then that’s a shit buffet with no sneezing guard. Sloppy drunkenness isn’t fun for anyone.
The issue of consent is something you need to be always aware of and must be respected of. But even if you both are of sound enough mind to agree that you want to slide your slipperies together, there arrives a point in the night at which you can have too many delicious Tom Collins Slurpees. Even though inebriation might induce you more clever or honest or a better dancer in your own mind, it also has a handful of drawbacks that tend to be the opposite of sexy. For instance 😛 TAGEND
3: A hobble, lazy , no-good wiener.
All three of these outcomes are to sex what all three of those things are to anything — maybe with the exception of the hobble wiener, a condition which doesn’t generally affect things like boiling an egg or Scrabble, unless you play it the style I do . But you get the idea. At some point, you need to know your limit and drink within it, or else face the terrible prospect of sitting on your bed, vomiting onto your own wobbly squish digit before passing out in your new friend’s lap.
Fossils Of Booty Past Are A Sexual Brick Wall
A general rule of thumb you want to follow when it comes to sexuality is always pretending you’ve never had sexuality before. Which isn’t to say that you need to act like a virgin trying to discover which flap fits into which orifice, but you do not need to acknowledge that you’ve savor someone else’s genitals in that moment. Because, more often than not, the present person whose undercarriage you’re taste-testing doesn’t want to know what other wobbles you’ve gobbled. The more you remind someone else that you’ve boinked other people, the more they’re going to be worried about two key things: Are you comparing them to someone else, and do you bone so many other beings that you’re a walking chlamydia salad with gonorrhea sprinkles and a side of Paul Newman’s non-GMO herb garmenting?
ailinder/ Pixabay It savours like itching !
No one should care how many sex partners you’ve had , nor is it truly their business. But you make it their business when you rub it in their face, literally or figuratively. Hopefully simply figuratively, but who am I to judge what turns you on?
Obviously, most of us don’t start an evening of seduction by saying something like “I’ve taken a real shine to your crotch, but the last five I jiggered were a little nicer.” Don’t say that. But you don’t need to say anything sometimes if you’ve truly fucked up your preparations. First and foremost, you’re going to want to not have a utilized condom pretty much anywhere that it can be seen. That’s a surefire sign that you’re gross. A used condom has no choice but to be gross, and the closer it gets to you, the grosser it becomes, like a proximity mine of viscous, ropy repulsion. It’s a literal sack of biohazard, and if you see it in someone else’s home, it means they had it in and around where you’re trying to go, all squishy and glorpy in the promised land. That’s terrible. Objectively, it’s a good thing, as it means that your friend is responsible. But you’re not objective — you’re subjective, and you’re being subjected to a rubbery spooge sock within oozing distance. Gross.
If you collect panties, jock straps, bras, photos of ham billfolds, butthole silhouettes, or any other sort of sexual trophies, make sure they’re in one of those dry clean pouches or something else no one is going to look in. People who collect sex trophies are too much like serial killers for anyone’s consolation. You conquered something and needed a creepy reminder of it that only appeals to you but when anyone else watches it, they’re worried you’re going to set a tarp down and start playing Huey Lewis.
Even if the condom isn’t used, you’re going to want to keep your birth control out of sight in general as well. If you have a fishbowl full of condoms or an IUD-of-the-week rack, it takes someone out of the moment. By all means, have those things, but keep them in a drawer. Imagine grandma coming over and mistaking your birth control pills for Tic Tacs, the route so many sexually clueless boobs in direct-to-video comedies do. You don’t want to live with that on your conscience. It’s not about being a prude or conceal who you are. It’s just about tact and considering the feelings of other people who have to see your utilized condom homunculus trying to birth itself from the ooze-encrusted waste basket, and must decide whether they should flee in silence or whilst emitting terrified screams.
After all, the IOC has received negative attention– and rightfully so- for bestowing the Game on authoritarian regimes. Olympic honchos even handed Beijing its second Games– it will host the Winter Olympics in 2022 after staging the Summer Games in 2008- despite the fact that China is a serial human-rights abuser. As Sophie Richardson, Asia advocacy director at Human Rights Watch, said:” The reality is that the Chinese government’s hosting of the Games has been a catalyst for abuses .” No matter to the IOC, despite its own charter’s celebration of human dignity and non-discrimination- apparently, the Games must go on.
But a key point often lost in the criticism of the IOC’s tolerance of autocracy is that by hosting the Olympics, democracies become more authoritarian. Staging the Olympics in places like Beijing and Sochi clearly does not help the cause of democracy and human rights, but neither does hosting the Games in Los Angeles, Vancouver or London.
We are already seeing this democracy deficit in Los Angeles where the city council rammed its Olympic endorsement through a process that largely boxed out public participation. During the city council meeting that approved the 2028 Game, anti-Olympics activists were not allowed to make public statements. City council president Herb Wesson contended that” public comment on this item has been satisfied” as boos from activists rung through the room.
Yet a cavalcade of Olympic athletes, including swimmer Janet Evans and track starring Carl Lewis, were trotted out and allowed to speak at length. At one point Lewis said” this isn’t just about the Olympics Game. This isn’t about athletics .” He alluded to social problems in LA and added,” Why can’t we use the 2028 Olympics to solve it all ?” Unfortunately, such exaggeration only amplifies already unrealistic expectations.
Like a greyhound fixated on a rabbit, city council officials pressed their suit, becoming openly annoyed when concerned citizens packing the appeals chamber guffawed or hissed. At one point city councilman Joe Buscaino lost his cool:” I’m tired of these people coming to us and questioning our decision making .” An anti-Olympics activist wailed with a view to responding,” It’s called republic .” Buscaino then sputtered out a mash-up of Olympic pabulum:” What these games will do is create jobs and weed out poverty and set Los Angeles on the map .” Hold on. Is” weed out poverty” some sort of sloppy code for ramping up gentrification? And the Games will” put Los Angeles on the map “? LA is already a city known around the world.
The Olympics can also attain host cities more authoritarian by affording an excuse to militarize and bolster their police forces. Angelenos should be familiar with the process. In 1978, the IOC handed the city the 1984 Summer Olympics. Earlier that same year Daryl Gates was named police chief. He not only helped author epic-fail acronymic humdingers like CRASH( Community Resources Against Street Hoodlums) and DARE( Drug Abuse Resistance Education ), but also pioneered” Olympic Gang Sweeps “ ahead of the Games.Gates deployed Special Weapons and Tactics units trained in paramilitary techniques as a one-size-fits-all force to carry out drug busts, crack down on gangs, and intimidate disagreement before and during the 1984 Olympics
The result was bracing. Day ahead of the Games’ welcoming ceremony the New York Times reported” if there is a distinctive sound so far to the 1984 Summer Olympic Game, it is the chop-chop noise of helicopter rotor blades whirling in the warm southern California air .” One Japanese journalist told of LA under Gates:” It’s almost like a military base .” If 1984 was successful, for many Los Angeles residents it was a terrifying brush with success.
Gates’s theory of militarized policing is a legacy of the 1984 Game, a prominent part of all subsequent five-ring festivals.
Just ask residents of Vancouver, host of the 2010 Winter Game. Authorities formed the Vancouver Integrated Security Unit- made up of more than 20 policing bureaux- to patrol the Olympic zone. Military helicopters and CF-1 8 Hornet fighter jets monitored from above.
London 2012 security officials riffed from the same script, even purchasing a Long Range Acoustic Device, a military-grade weapon being implemented in Afghanistan and Iraq. Surface-to-air rockets were ratcheted to the roofs of apartment complexes. Aerial drones and upper-class police divisions buzzed about. Thousands of military personnel flooded the street of London, devoting the event an overtly camouflage sheen.
Let’s be clear: much of the equipment acquired for Vancouver and London was not boxed up and returned to sender. For instance, the security cameras installed for the Vancouver Games stayed up afterwards, blending into the already existing architecture of surveillance and policing. For Los Angeles, the bottom line is that the Olympics promise to intensify the militarization of policing in the city and that communities of colour and marginalized groups will bear the ferocity of this uptick.
The Los Angeles 1984 Games, with its $225 m surplus, have bottle-fed the legend that the Games can be a fiscal success. Today, even some Olympics critics suggests that the LA 2028 bid carries little financial risk for the city. But focusing on finances deflects attention from the authoritarian tendencies the Games help install. Behind the shimmering scrim of podium cliches lurks a harrowing history. The authoritarian downsides have become an ingrained feature of the Games , not merely a glitch. Forget the five-ring hype: the truth is that democracy and the Olympics truly don’t mix.
The trumpeter talks about growing up in a musical family, why his first marriage went wrong, and being a grandfather
I grew up in central Los Angeles . My father was born in Russia. He was a survivor. He had come to the US in 1915, when he was 16 , not speaking a word of English, on his own, at the insistence of his family. He landed in Ellis Island and made a life for himself. My mother was from the Lower East Side of New York. She was a secretary, she was good with numbers and played the violin, but not professionally. One of my earliest memories is from when I was eight . In school, in a music appreciation class, there was a table filled with instruments and I happened to pick up a trumpet. It had a profound effect on my life. At home, Id be playing it, and the neighbours would scream, Shut the window! while my mother screamed back at them. My brother played drums; “were in” a musical household. My parent could play the mandolin, although he didnt read music. As my fathers fortunes improved , he brought the rest of his family from Russia to live near us. My grandpa stayed there. I recollect my paternal grandmother, but she only spoke Yiddish so communication is a point. My mother wasnt close to her own parents so we didnt insure much of them. I had an elder brother, David, who was five years my senior. We used to play outside or in the street, but I was super-shy and followed him around, but he wasnt so interested in hanging out with me. I guess “were in” middle class . My dad earned a reasonable living manufacturing womens suits and garment as a business; we didnt struggle and had a vacation now and then.
I didnt have a strong notion about what career I wanted. I knew I liked playing the trumpet. My friend and I played together at parties and events. At high school, I was in a little group, with piano, bass, drums and cornet. We entered a TV talent competition that pitted groups from local high schools against one another. Even though few people had TV sets in the 1950 s, we won the indicate for eight consecutive weeks and that built us a name, so we got gigs around the city on the back of that.
I got married when I was 21. At the time, Id been drafted and was playing with the Sixth Army band in San Franciscos Presidio. I was also working part-time in a gym, and tried my hand at acting for a while, but that didnt work out. I was too young to get married, as evidenced by my getting divorced. I likely didnt understand what was expected of me at that age. Then I get famous and started touring the world, so I wasnt around much.
When I got married the second time, I felt so lucky. Lani is my dream girl. We have been married for 42 years now and had a child together.
Im not sure what my parents taught me . My father didnt articulate much, but led by example. He was generous to his family and very open-hearted. If person needed his help, he was always right there for them, and I saw how people responded to his generosity. Im now a grandfather several times over . My youngest is two-and-a-half years old. I love the experience and we find household as much as we can. They are scattered across the nation, but we have Skype so that helps us remain connected. Family is the part of my life that gives me comfort . I am very aware of, and sensitive to, my familys needs and Ill always be there for them, but household is not something I entirely live for. You get one chance to do your thing in this life and I am doing my thing. My ingenuity drives me I dont have any control over it. I know I have made a lot of people happy with my music, and that gives me an enormous energy and pleasure.
Herb Alperts new album, Human nature, is out now, along with 24 of his albums remastered: herbalpert.com
There are few things as, er, peachy as a ripe peach( and even unripe ones have their utilizes)
I went to a party earlier the summer months and took a tray of ripe peaches instead of a bottle of wine. I would never have dreamed of taking a tray of, say, avocados or a bunch of bananas. Its not that those fruit are any less special; its only that they dont have quite the same wow factor, that tempting, feed me now look of a perfectly ripe peach.
The difference between peaches and avocados is all to do with the way the fruit ripen. Bananas and avocados( along with pears and tomatoes) are climacteric and often store their sugar in the form of starch. Once picked, a simple hydrocarbon gas called ethylene triggers the process that converts that starch back to sweetness. This constructs such fruit a logistical dreaming for those who grow and sell them: they can be picked unripe and shipped hard( so theyre not prone to bruising ), and ripened once the travel is done.( On a smaller scale, you can achieve a similar impact at home by putting an unripe fruit in a paper bag with a ripe one. The ripe fruit will emit ethylene, which helps ripen the unripe fruit .)
Peaches, on the other hand, are not such a peachy logistical dream. Along with other non-climacteric fruit such as pineapple, citrus, most berries and melons, they dont store starch, so they dont go across the same process of converting it into sugar. Theyll continue to soften once picked, sure, and also develop an odor, but their sweetness wont develop any more post-picking.( The cold temperature at which the objective is stored when shipped and stocked, to prolong shelf life, also means the flesh often turns very mealy .)
Thats why I regard a tray of ripe peaches as something of a gift: feeing them right there and then, and hitting that sweet spot, really is worthy of a festivity. Its also why I reserve firmer fruit for cakes and tarts; overripe ones go into jams, compotes or todays shrub. Hard peaches may absence some natural sweetness, true, but you can draw that out depending on how you cook them. They also have the advantage of being robust enough to hold their shape: chargrill wedges and pair with slices of salty corpuscle or pork belly, spoonfuls of creamy cheese or a hard herb such as rosemary.
Peach, rosemary and lime galette
This makes good utilize of firm , not-so-ripe peaches. By macerating them in sugar and lime juice, you not only soften the fruit, but you also make a beautiful syrup to pour over the dish at the end. Rosemary, which Ive utilized both in this dish and in the shrub, is a fantastic match for peach. Its a combining I detected only recently, and now I cant get enough of it. Serves four generously.
2 limes 1 peeled in 7 long strips, the other grated, to get 1 tsp, then both juiced, to get 1 tbsp 80 g caster sugar 2 large firm peaches, stoned and cut into 0.5 cm-thick slice( 300 g net weight) 2 large sprigs rosemary, plus tbsp picked leaves 150 g creme fraiche Plain flour, for dusting 200 g all-butter puff pastry 10 g unsalted butter, cut into 1cm pieces 1 egg, beaten tsp cornflour
Heat the oven to 180 C/ 350 F/ gas mark 4.
Mix the lime juice with 60 g sugar in a large bowl, add the peaches, strips of lime scalp and rosemary sprigs. Stir and set aside to macerate for at the least 40 minutes, and up to a couple of hours. Strain the peaches through a sieve set over a small saucepan, and discard the rosemary and lime peel: you should end up with about 60 ml peach syrup.
Mix the grated zest and a teaspoon of sugar into the creme fraiche and refrigerate until ready to serve.
On a lightly floured run surface, roll out the pastry into a 26 cm-wide circle just under 0.5 cm thick, then transfer to a baking tray lined with greaseproof paper.
Arrange the strained peaches haphazardly in the middle of the pastry, leaving a clear 6cm perimeter all around the edge, then fold this outer 6cm rim up and over the peaches. Dot the butter over the exposed peaches, then brush the pastry all over with beaten egg. Sprinkle the remaining tablespoon of sugar evenly over the pastry and bake for 20 minutes, until its golden and the fill is beginning to bubble.
While the galette is baking, whisk the cornflour into the reserved peach syrup. Simmer over a medium-high heat until it thickens to the consistency of honey( about two minutes ), then pour over the peaches. Sprinkle the rosemary leaves on top and return the galette to the oven for 15 minutes, until the pastry is golden-brown and the fill bubbling.
Leave to cool slightly, then serve with a bowl of the lime creme fraiche on the side.
Peach and rosemary shrub
Shrubs( basically, sharp, sweet syrups) are traditionally used to flavour soft drink and cocktails. Theyre also great drizzled over desserts. In making this shrub, youre left with the bonus of 400g cooked peach pulp, which is delicious over yoghurt and granola( find next recipe) or ice-cream. Makes 600 ml.
1kg very ripe yellow peaches, stoned and approximately chopped 3 sprigs rosemary 120 ml apple cider vinegar 150 g caster sugar
Put everything into a large saucepan on a medium-high hot, and cook at a gentle simmer for about 20 minutes, stirring occasionally, until the fruit has broken down and is the consistency of a thick compote.
Line a large sieve with muslin, then set it over a large bowl or container( make sure the sieve does not touch the bottom of the container, so the liquid can drain through ). Tip the peach mix into the lined sieves and leave to drain for one to two hours, until all the liquid has strained through. Discard the rosemary.
Store the shrub and the strained fruit in separate airtight receptacles in the fridge: the shrub will maintain for up to a month, the fruit for a week.
Strained peaches with granola and yoghurt
This is a great breakfast, but by all means convert it into a pudding by swapping the yoghurt for whipped cream or ice-cream. Serves four.
600 g Greek-style yoghurt 350 g-4 00 g strained peaches from attaining the shrub( assure previous recipe ) 100 g granola 60 ml peach and rosemary shrub( ensure previous recipe ) 4 tsp honey tsp Chinese five-spice 1 tsp roughly chopped rosemary foliages
Divide the yoghurt, strained peaches and granola between four serving bowl, dishing it up so that you can see each element. Pour the shrub over the strained peaches, then drizzle honey evenly over everything. Finish with a sprinkling each of five-spice and rosemary.
Peach and rosemary bellini
My ideal summer drink. Makes four.
120 ml peach and rosemary shrub( insure previous recipe ) Finely shaved scalp of 1 lemon (8 strips ) 4 small rosemary sprigs About 400 ml prosecco
Pour the shrub into the bottom of four champagne glasses. Add two strips of lemon peel and a rosemary sprig to each glass, top with prosecco and enjoy.
Grilled peaches and athlete beans with goats cheese
As the years pile on, all sitcoms will start to rely on old tropes and recycled plots. Whether it’s the clip depict, the very special episode, or a terrible spoof of Cyrano de Bergerac, we maintain seeing the same things over and over again, and will almost certainly continue to do so until the Earth falls into the sun. But sometimes the repetitions are so bizarrely specific that we can’t assist but wonder if something else is going on here …
Santa Is A Real, Magical Being … And No One Observes That Astounding
An absurd number of otherwise-straightforward sitcoms have Christmas episodes wherein Santa Claus reveals himself to be unambiguously real. And yet instead of rewriting everything these characters know about reality, they seem to accept it as an everyday part of life. They are perfectly comfy living in a world where nobody laughs at gags, romantic tension between friends lasts for years, and magic is perfectly a thing.
In The Nanny, Mr. Sheffield injures his butt on Christmas eve, and while the Nanny and Co. are in the hospital, a crazy old person in a Santa suit gets hurled in the bed beside his. The nurses, naturally, refuse to believe the man is the real Santa, but when the clock strikes midnight, he’s mysteriously flown out the window, and the characters all look up at him as he chants “HO HO HO! ” Those people should be calling, “No! NO! NO ONE WILL BELIEVE US! ” as their entire understanding of all things is shattered. Instead they’re warmed by the Christmas spirit that lives inside each of us as a flying man giggles at them from the sky.
Sony Pictures Television “Yes, I am real. Which means I know of your dark deeds, little girl. All of them . “
In the SECOND EPISODE EVER of Night Court, a crazy ol’ drunk claiming to be Santa Claus get taken downtown, but it’s gradually revealed that he knows everything about everyone’s childhoods, down to the last intimate detail. Then he offers Harry Anderson the opportunity to succeed him as Santa . Again, this is the second episode, and they have already established that this courtroom exists in a world where Kris Kringle wants the judge to take over as the actual, real Santa Claus. And the next 191 episodes take place with all the characters in the reveal knowing that.
Warner Bros. Television “Yes, I’m the real Santa. Live with that. And live with this: One of you is an impostor. You have one week to find it before it becomes you. Merry Christmas! “
In Home Improvement( in the very first season !), Mark starts questioning Santa’s existence after Brad and Randy tell him that Santa died before he was born. “Wilson” then shows up dressed as Santa and gives everyone early presents, thus restoring Mark’s faith. As Saint nick leaves, Tim statements that it’s really nice of his neighbor to do something, only for Jill to point out that Wilson is over behind the fence, as always. So holy shit, who was Santa ??? Mark stares up at the sky in wonder …
ABC Studios “One day your parent “re going to kill me” in a feature film, young man! And anything that kills Santa becomes Santa! Why, 17 years ago, I was diabetes! “
In a near-identical twisting, a Christmas episode of Gilligan’s Island from nearly 30 years earlier featured Santa visiting the castaways and bringing them gifts. They all presumed it was the Skipper dressing up to lift their spirits, but when Santa walks away, the Skipper instantly enters … from the other direction! HOLY WHAT THE WHOA NOW.
Warner Bros. Television
Warner Bros. Television “Wow, the real Santa was here !? You know what this entails, Gilligan !? ” “Yes. He … he could have flown us away but … he left us. He left us here to die, Skipper.”
Santa’s even real in an episode of fucking ER, a show that won 22 Emmys. A usually non-insane character called into the night, “There’s no God, there’s no Christmas … THERE IS NO FRICKIN’ SANTA CLAUS! ” Abruptly, snow starts to fall and he looks up to see how incorrect he was. Santa is flying overhead, laughing at him. Severely, this really happened. On ER . Watch this crazy shit.
Warner Bros. Television “This … isn’t, like, a metaphor? He’s … a flying present noble who watches us all? “
Each of these characters has a legitimate reality-shattering experience, and then proceeds to live the rest of their lives wholly unaffected. Not ONE time in the subsequent episodes of any of these demonstrates does one character turn to another and say, “Pretty crazy how Santa’s been real this whole time, huh? Puts your little two-dates-for-the-dance problem into view, huh? “
Cars Crash Into Houses All The Damn Time
In an episode of Full House from March 1990, Stephanie decides to drive Joey’s car without his permission. In a wacky mix-up that car manufacturers could have never predicted, she mistakes the “R” on the gearshift for the radio and backs the thing straight into the kitchen.
Warner Bros. Television “Let’s have Joey come in and tell, ‘YOU CAN’T PARK THAT HERE! ‘” “I like that, but maybe instead Danny enters hollering, ‘WHAT THE- WHAT IS THIS! FUCK! FUCK !!! YOU STUPID GODDAMN KID! ‘” — Full House Writers Room, 1990
In an episode of Family Matters from later that same year, Eddie( who apparently didn’t watch the TGIF show right before his) also drives a vehicle against his parents’ hopes, and does it straight into a house.
Warner Bros. Television “Let’s maybe have Urkel say, ‘YOU CAN’T PARK THAT HERE! ‘” “That’s good! I had the note Carl enters with gun describe, firing six rounds into the windshield, hollering, ‘I’LL KILL YOU, MOTHERFUCK- wait, EDDIE !? ‘ ” — Family Matters Writers Room, 1990
But driving a car into your own home is a sitcom tradition going back decades. In an episode of the ‘8 0s present Silver Spoons, Ricky Schroeder’s grandfather crashes the car into the house.
Sony Pictures Television “Let’s have Kate say, ‘Wha- wha !? You can’t park that in here! ‘” “What if instead she only dies? Dies from shock right there on the floor? Because life is nothing? All life is nothing? Ha ha, yeah. — Silver Spoons Writers Room, 1982
Marie manages to get the entire damn car into the house on Everybody Loves Raymond, which prompts its further consideration about whether old people should still be driving. These people manage to turn the tiniest misunderstanding into 22 minutes of awkward hijinks, but they live in a world in which everyone they know gets killed by a speeding vehicle while watching Tv in their own home.
CBS Television “They have a bake sale? He gets a task as a Sherpa? I … I’m out of ideas.” “Me too. Let’s check to see if anyone’s driven a auto into the house yet.” “Yeah! And then one of them goes, ‘YOU CAN’T PARK THAT HERE! ‘” “Ha ha ha ha ha ha! — Everybody Loves Raymond Writers Room, 1996
Something about a laugh way seems to attract vehicular manslaughter, because it happened again in The Suite Life Of Zack And Cody , when London drives into a building.
Walt Disney Television “I want to die. Kill me.” “We do it together. On three. One. Two.” * BANG * — The Suite Life Of Zack And Cody Writers Room, 2005
This doesn’t merely happen when a stupid kid or an elderly moronic get behind the wheel. Sometimes sitcom characters do it on purpose, like this jealous lover in the ‘9 0s demonstrate Wings .
CBS Television “You can’t park that here? ” “Fine.” — Wings Writers Room, 1990
Warner Bros. Television “How !? What !? Where are we !? ” “The question isn’t where. It’s WHEN.” — Two And A Half Men Writers Room, 28,000 B.C.
There are many questions here, several about creative bankruptcy, but most pressing is: How fast does someone have to be driving to crash a car THROUGH a house? The answer, as any Mythbuster will tell you, is “any speed, so long as it’s a plot point.”
Basically Every ‘9 0s Black Sitcom Had A Pool Hustling Episode
Of all the weirdly specific things to happen multiple times across multiple sitcoms, this might be the weirdest and most specific. The first time it happened was in a 1990 episode of Family Matters , when Eddie Winslow beats his friend at pool and gets cocky. He takes that cockiness to a local pool hall, where he promptly get hustled out of $250 by a Texan named Boyd Higgins. Urkel then tries to win the money back, but Urkel is only magically good at chess, science, basketball, poker, and bowling. He sucks at pool. Fortunately, Carl shows up, and it so happens that while this was never, ever referred to above, he is in fact a world-class pond player. He sinks shot after shoot, then turns the cue over to the family’s grandma, who reaches a quadruple bank shoot to win the money back. The children and the hustler learnt a valuable lesson about … how the last person to hustle someone in a chain of hustles is the good guy?
Warner Bros. Television “I sharked a kid.”
In an episode of The Fresh Prince Of Bel Air that aired 3 months later, Will drives Uncle Phil’s Benz to a seedy pool hall, where he proceeds to crush a bunch of locals and become hilariously cocky. He then goes down $300 against a local hustler named Charlie Mack, and has to put up his uncle’s car for collateral. Uncle Phil then shows up and turns out to be … hold on a second … a world-class pond player? He sinks trick shoot after trick shoot and wins back the money( plus $ 600 ), teaching the kids and the hustler a lesson: The good guy is the hustler who’s holding the money when the credits roll.
Warner Bros. Television “That’s why they call me Bel-Air Fats.”
Half a decade subsequently, in a 1996 episode of The Steve Harvey Show , a kid named Bullethead crushes some locals and get lesson-learning cocky. He ends up losing the school’s field trip fund to two hustlers named Raven and Jody. This inspires Steve Harvey and Cedric the Entertainer to win back the money by dressing in African garb and pretending to be clueless Rwandan tribesmen who have never heard of pool. They win all the money back with a montage of trick shootings and teach the same lesson: Only gamble against people who are worse than you at pool.
In 1995, there were episodes of Martin AND Living Single in which the main characters get hustled at pool halls. Queen Latifah’s sudden pool skills win back all the money in Living Single , but of all the wacky characters Martin knows , none of them are secretly world-class pond players. This was likely because his wig maintained falling off where reference is played, and not because of a selection made by the writers. Still, it led to this being the only black sitcom of the ‘9 0s wherein a character lost his or her fund to a pond shark without winning it back via magically lucky situations. And so Martin remains, as ever, an unimpeachable bastion of realism.
There Are An Nasty Lot Of Monkeys In Sitcom Worlds
Sitcom worlds operate according to their own internal logic, but they overlap on one specific gag: Monkeys will be a part of your family or friend group at some phase in your life. Which is odd, because monkeys are not really a fixture of the urban American landscape. In fact, in 19 nations, it’s not even legal to own a monkey unless you’re a zoo. Which makes a lot of sitcom tales not only stupid, but also state monkey crimes .
Monkey plots in sitcoms fall into a few categories. One classic is the monkey-from-the-zoo episode, like the time Kramer has to apologize to one on Seinfeld.
Sony Pictures Television “I’m sorry, Jerry! I didn’t know Santa Claus was real when I induced that wish! “
On Full House , they somehow end up bringing a chimpanzee home, which is cute, but also the reason we don’t call them the Olsen Triplets anymore.
Warner Bros. Television “Drop in to find the Tanners go BANANAS, Tuesdays at 8: 30! My face! IT TOOK MY FACE.”
The zoo conceit runs because it devotes the show an air of plausibility. Zoos exist in cities, so it’s kind of possible that the animals might have to be temporarily placed into the homes of non-zookeepers with unpredictable, fragile infants. But what’s really strange is how often we find sitcom characters straight up get a monkey as a pet. Monkeys are not great pets. They poop, hurl turd, and screech maniacally as they tear out your eyes, which is why New York perfectly doesn’t allow them as pets. Yet here is Ross, palling around with little Marcel.
Warner Bros. Television State crime? More like great time! Ross and Friends are Monkeyin’ around every Thursday at 8: 30! My lips! Jesus Christ! It tore off my lips!
And here’s Jenna with her gibbon-son.
Universal Television “And this fall, 30 Rock is turning prime-time to PRIMATE time! AIIIEEE!
In Family Matters , Urkel ends up with a pet ape, which, according to Illinois law, means his home is classified as a research facility or zoo, making this only the 123 rd most ridiculous thing to happen on that show.
Warner Bros. Television “How about … ‘SHE’S MUCH PRETTIER THAN YOUR LAST GIRLFRIEND, STEVE.'” “It’s good … but what if instead, the ape goes insane and tears off all of their genitalia? Perfectly all of them? ” “WRITE IT. — Family Matters Writers Room, 1989
The Big Bang Theory, an abyss of diarrhea popular among the over-medicated, also has a pet monkey, and this one … smokes !? * laugh way *
Warner Bros. Television * laugh track * B A Z I N G A * laugh way continues *
Besides the visiting monkey and the illegal pet monkey, there’s a stock plot even more dangerously wacky: the evil monkey. Here’s one from the worst episode of How I Met Your Mother, in which a monkey rogue rob Marshall at banana-point.
20 th Television Is that a gun, or did you tear off somebodys genitals again?
20 th Television So at least its somewhat realistic.
And in Community, the school is terrorized by Annie’s Boobs, a kleptomaniac monkey living in the vents.
Sony Pictures Television The first thing it stole? Our hearts. The second thing? Our genitalia.
Of all the overused tropes, this is the easiest to forgive, because monkey are the best. After all, if you had the opportunity to replace someone at your job with a monkey, wouldn’t you do it? They’re silly, they seem hilarious in people clothes, and demise by monkey is easily in the top 50 ways to die.
The Dumb Character Suddenly Becomes Smart
Every sitcom has a character who is helplessly, impossibly stupid. And somewhere in that grind of writing hundreds of episodes where the gang has to spend the night in a haunted house or inherits a race horse, some novelist will eventually indicate, “What if they became, like, smart? ” It’s like the plot to Lawnmower Man , which was a much more cyber version of the classic Daniel Keyes volume Flowers For Algernon.
It happens in an episode of The Simpsons when they find a crayon has been lodged in Homer’s brain for over 30 years. The moment they remove it, he becomes supremely intelligent but also sort of an asshole, so everybody starts hating him except Lisa. So he does the only thing that makes any sense: He has Moe hammer a crayon back up into his brain to get dumb again. To make this more soul-crushing, he does it right after he bonds with Lisa over the loneliness caused by their unrelatable intelligence. Yes, in a beloved, long-running comedy cartoon, a parent kills the only person who will ever understand his daughter so he can enjoy brew more. And it’s not the only day this smart-then-dumb-again trope get depressing.
In an episode of SpongeBob SquarePants, it’s discovered that Patrick has had a piece of coral acts as his brain for years, thereby making him the dullest water being in all of Bikini Bottom. At first he’s happy with his newfound intelligence, but when it starts making his friend miserable, he yanks out his brain and puts the coral back in. The phase is, everyone dislikes the smart, so try to be dumber.
Futurama even did a version of this plotline wherein the monkey, Gunther, chooses his intelligence comes with too much responsibility, so he reduces his brain power voluntarily.
John Stuart Mill, the Utilitarian philosopher, famously asked: Is it better to be a dissatisfied Socrates or a perfectly satisfied pig? It’s a complex problem worth discussing with the humans and animals you know, but as you can see, cartoons vote pig every time.
Characters Always Get Stuck In Elevators( And Usually Assist in Childbirth )
If you ever find yourself in an elevator with a wacky neighbour, a monkey, or a pregnant girl, get the fuck out. That elevator is going to get stuck between floors. A sitcom actor get trapped in an elevator with a crowning pregnant girl every eight minutes. Like in the Saved By The Bell episode “Earthquake, ” where Zack and friends throw a newborn shower for Mr. Belding’s wife in order to avoid a physics exam. Unfortunately, they get in an elevator right as an earthquake strikes, and they end up turning the place into a maternity ward.
Universal Television “And that, children, was my wife’s gaping, placenta-squirting birth canal! “
This has been happening for generations. In the All In The Family episode “The Elevator Story, ” lovable racist Archie Bunker is trapped in an elevator with several nonwhites, and one of them starts pushing out a baby. It’s uncomfortable.
Sony Pictures Television All of it is very uncomfortable.
A slight variant happened on WKRP In Cincinnati. In an episode called “Fire, ” a fire alarm sends the whole crew home early, except for Herb and the woman he sexually harasses on the reveal for chuckles, Jennifer. They end up trapped in the elevator together, and while she doesn’t have a newborn, Herb does confess to spreading rumors that he had sexuality with her. It’s less gooey than childbirth, but just as disgusting.
In “Porko II, ” an amazingly titled episode of Gimme A Break , Nell Carter hosts a session for her weight loss group, PORKO. Yes, PORKO. The head of different groups shows up, and they all mock him for regaining the weight he lost. But oh no! The PORKO members soon find themselves stuck in an elevator that can’t handle all their porking weight. In the end, Nell talks their leader out of suicide, and everyone agrees to lose two pounds a week. That’s what TV used to be like, kids.
Universal Television “Yes, this is Nell Carter, and YES, I am stuck in the elevator again! Oh no, you did NOT only laugh.”
In the Night Court episode “The Blizzard, ” lady-chasing sexuality junkie Dan gets stuck in an elevator with a … a gay human !?
Warner Bros. Television “Let’s have them sleep together? ” “Like, full penetration !? ” “That’s not what I meant, but maybe? ” — Night Court Writers Room, 1984
And can you imagine get stuck on an elevator with two sumo wrestlers !? The writers of Night Court could, in the episode “Earthquake! “
Warner Bros. Television “Are we crazy? ” “Fuck you, talking glitch monster.” — Night Court Writers Room, 1985
OK wait, this can’t be right. In yet another episode of Night Court , “The Blues Of The Birth, ” Christine get trapped in an elevator with two men and goes into labor. It took them a couple of tries, but Night Court , the industry leader in trapping performers in elevators, ultimately delivered its first elevator newborn!
Warner Bros. Television “Oh! You know where we should have Christine give birth? ” “Yes. Wholly on the same page.” “Say it together on three. One. Two.” “ELEVATOR! ” “CAR DRIVEN BY MONKEY CRASHING INTO COURTR- oh, thats OK, too, I guess … — Night Court Writers Room, 1986
Joel B. Kirk resides in the San Francisco Bay Area and thinks the retro ‘8 0s music group The Midnight is too cool for terms . If Santa is real … is Elf on the Shelf ? If you loved this article and want more content like this, support our site with a visit to our Contribution Page. Please and thank you .