Addictions are harder to kick when you’re poor. Here’s why | Maia Szalavitz

Most cravings end by the time users reached age 30 unless they lack stable, middle-class jobs

Addiction does discriminate: it hits hardest those who are already down or feel that they will never be able to rise.

In the late 1980 s and early 1990 s, crack cocaine, which is now being prevalent and visible in poor black communities, was said to be a great threat to the white middle class. In many black communities, before crack took off, unemployment rates had been high and rising, driven by the decline in manufacturing jobs and biased the recruitment and firing practices.

But where chores had more stability, and where drug users werent victims of the war on drugs policing push, the long-predicted spread to the leafy suburb never happened. While white youth took plenty of cocaine, craving rates didnt skyrocket. And when middle-class youths did get hooked, their recoveries were quicker.

Now, another narcotic epidemic is afoot, and white America looks economically a lot more like black America in the 1990 s: stable, well-paying jobs are vanishing, replaced by lower-wage postures with far more uncertainty. And criminalizing drug use, while proven not to run, remains the default.

But our response to todays opioid crisis cannot be effective if it dismisses the socioeconomic aspects of the problem. Though proponents like to claim that craving is an equal opportunity destroyer, in reality, it is far less likely to made people who have stable, structured lives and decent job than it is those whose lives are marked by uncertainty and lack of run.

Research shows that when a country has a healthy middle class and low or at least moderate levels of economic inequality craving rates are lowest among the middle class and at least half of them( excepting tobacco) end by age 30, even without treatment. However, when unemployment, tenuous employment and inequality are high and the middle class shrinks, more people are at high risk. And their odds for early-life recovery decline.

Abundant data support the connection between socioeconomic factors, addiction and recovery.

For one, heroin craving is more than three times as common in people constructing less than $20,000 per year compared to those who attain $50,000 or more, and higher levels of education are also linked with lower rates of craving. The relationship between addiction rates and inequality has long been noted by researchers who examine its health effects: country level countries with higher levels of inequality tend to have worse mental health and addiction problems than those with less dramatic differences between the 1% and everyone else.

Further, decades of survey data also show that the addiction rate among the unemployed is usually around twice as high as among those who have jobs. Some of this unemployment, of course, is addiction-related job loss. But a review of this literature suggests that in many cases, unemployment precedes addiction and that either way, it reduces the odds of recovery.

So what explains these connects? Its important to understand that 90 % of all addictions begin in the teen and young adult years, a time when most people especially in the middle class are in school. Binge drinking and drugs are one style that teens separate themselves from their parents and declare independence.

Moreover, in the high school and college years , not only are teens developmentally primed to move away from their families, their brains are also especially sensitive. The regions that push youths to take risks and seek romantic relationships are the same ones that drive longing for narcotics during addiction and these areas ripen long before the regions that exert maximum control do. The prefrontal cortex, which is the seat of judgment and restraint, does not fully develop until the mid 20 s, which is typically when excessive drinking and other drug use tends to recede.

This healthy maturation is not only driven by genes, however; it also represents reliant to some extent on environmental experience. For example, in a typical, modern middle-class life, people are completing college and starting careers alongside as their prefrontal cortex matures. And its not as easy to get away with not showing up or presenting up hungover or stoned at work as it is to college classes.

The routine and requirements of own life work against addictive behaviour and, for many people, they are what allows it to be outgrown. Get married is also a turning point into recovery for many people: being accountable to a spouse often makes binging harder. Ultimately, having a child is also a major spurring to quitting or cutting back dramatically: the demands of a baby and the love and purpose that parenting spawns tend to work against a lifestyle of frequent poisoning, to say the least.

Combined, these social and developmental factors work to keep all but the most severe addictions time-limited to adolescence and young adulthood.

But when decent undertakings are not available, all of the social aspects of this process can be blocked because economic opportunity influences not only job, but also coupling and childrearing. Accordingly, recovery without treatment is far less common among the poor and unemployed.

For over 100 years, weve relied on attempting to cut the medication render by locking up dealers or restricting access to certain chemicals and this has never remotely come close to solving the problem. If we want to fight craving, weve got to look at what drives people to hopelessnes. And to do that, we cant dismis inequality.

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But Really … How Are The Olympics Still Even Happening?

This year’s summer Olympics in Rio de Janeiro are about to begin, and it’s safe to say that it’s been a certified s**t show so far. 

For one, Brazil itself is in complete and utter turmoil. The country is currently facing its greatest recession in 100 years, handling a potential global health crisis, and their president was recently suspended as part of impeachment proceedings. There’s also been an uptick in police killings and 20,000 families have been evicted from their homes.

These are the overarching problems Rio is facing. As if these horrifying realities weren’t not bad enough, here are some other things that have gone down:

And this is all before the opening ceremony.

We thought it was just us who were thinking, “Hey, maybe we shouldn’t be sending nations’ top athletes to this Zika-infested, uninhabitable place that isn’t properly equipped to handle them.”

But, luckily, it seems we are not alone. Many people have come out on Twitter to share their incredulousness about the mayhem of the Olympic games.

There’s also been a fair amount of people tweeting that they didn’t even remember the Olympics were happening this year.

And maybe that’s the answer. Forget about the Olympics this year, let Rio get itself back together, and do this whole thing elsewhere. 

For more Olympics coverage:

CORRECTION: This article has been updated to reflect that Dilma Rousseff has suspended from office as part of the process of impeachment. She has not yet been impeached, as a previous version of the story stated.

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Why Miley Might Not Be Feeling Nostalgic On The 10th Anniversary Of ‘Hannah Montana’

It has been 10 years since “Hannah Montana” premiered, five since it ended and three since Miley Cyrus announced that her character had been “murdered.”  

For four seasons, Disney’s “Hannah Montana” followed the adventures of a teen girl who lived a secret double life as a famous pop star. Hannah existed to shield Cyrus’ character — also named Miley — from the harsh glare of the spotlight and allowed her to live life as a normal kid.  

But if there’s anyone who could have used a secret identity in those formative years, it was Cyrus herself. Being a Disney star essentially required actors to live their lives in the same wholesome manner as the character they portrayed, but Cyrus was never interested in being anyone’s Disney princess. 

In retrospect, the so-called scandals that marred Cyrus’ teen years — suggestive photos, salvia smoking — seem laughable today, but it’s hard to think of anyone who courted quite as much controversy before their 18th birthday. In many ways, Cyrus was punished whenever she tried to do the one thing the public never wants to see a child star do — grow up. 

So, today, when everyone is getting nostalgic over the 10th anniversary of the premiere of “Hannah Montana,” take a minute to remember that Cyrus probably isn’t looking back on the show quite as fondly as you. 

Playing Hannah Montana was only fun for so long. 

“What I am sure about is I’m going to rejoice and be happy to finally not have to be … well, to not be somebody I’m not exactly. As I’ve grown into it, I’ve grown out of it. When I was 12, I thought, ‘I want to be famous all the time! I want everybody to recognize me!'” Cyrus told Parade in March 2010, later adding, “When they’re putting me in sparkles and in pink this final season, I have to grit my teeth. I can’t breathe looking like that anymore. A friend came by the set one day and said, ‘You don’t look very happy.’ I said, ‘I’m feeling claustrophobic in all these frills.’”

Unlike Hannah, Miley didn’t have the best of both worlds.

“I was an adult when I was supposed to be a kid. So now I’m an adult and I’m acting like a kid. There are times when I’m sitting in my big ole house and I’m like, ‘I can’t believe I’m allowed to be here alone,’” she told Harper’s Bazaar in September 2013. 

Portraying the character gave her body image issues. 

“From the time I was 11, it was, ‘You’re a pop star! That means you have to be blonde, and you have to have long hair, and you have to put on some glittery tight thing.’ Meanwhile, I’m this fragile little girl playing a 16-year-old in a wig and a ton of makeup. It was like ‘Toddlers & Tiaras.’ I had fucking flippers,” she told Marie Claire in August 2015. “I was told for so long what a girl is supposed to be from being on that show. I was made to look like someone that I wasn’t, which probably caused some body dysmorphia because I had been made pretty every day for so long, and then when I wasn’t on that show, it was like, Who the fuck am I?”

 Actually, Miley says being on the show really messed her up.

“I would have anxiety attacks. I’d get hot flashes, feel like I was about to pass out or throw up. It would happen a lot before shows, and I’d have to cancel. Then the anxiety started coming from anxiety. I would be with my friends, thinking, I should be having so much fun,” she told Marie Claire in that same interview. ”You get in this hole that seems like you’re never going to be able to get out of.”  

Here’s to you, Hannah Miley. 

UPDATE: Despite her complaints over the years, Cyrus posted on Instagram on Thursday and it seems that “Hannah Montana” still holds a place in her heart:

“Even though I feel disconnected to who I was at that time I will always feel eternally grateful for the opportunity and platform I was given …. None of it would have been possible with out every single person who ever contributed to the series,” she wrote before going on to thank fans and everyone involved with the show.

Of course, she also reminded everyone that Hannah is so very dead

“Even though [Hannah Montana] is chopped up into little tiny pieces and buried in my backyard she will always hold a very special place in my heart! Celebrate this day with us! Get real drunk and remember #HM4EVR send pics gettinnnnn buck wild in honor of this special day! #letsplayadrinkinggamewatch HM and every time someone says her name take a shot! Yiew hew!”

@realdukeofearles understands the insanity of it all….. Sending love to all my cast members on this anniversary …. To the world it's a celebration of 10 years but for us the journey began way before the world had any clue who the fuck any of us are ….. There was a very long auditioning process, and many chemistry reads which really is what sold the show to the producers and channel because no matter what went on over the years (which none of you have any clue about but It was like the real world but more hormonal teenagers) our love for each other was unquestionable…. Even though I feel disconnected to who I was at that time I will always feel eternally grateful for the opportunity and platform I was given …. None of it would have been possible with out every single person who ever contributed to the series …. From regulars , to special guests (and there were many magical ones @dollyparton ) to creators, crew , directors….. I am where I am because of loyal fans that I am thankful for and of course love dearly all the new angels who support me now….. Even though HM is chopped up into little tiny pieces and buried in my backyard she will always hold a very special place in my heart! Celebrate this day with us! Get real drunk and remember #HM4EVR send pics gettinnnnn buck wild in honor of this special day! #letsplayadrinkinggame watch HM and every time someone says her name take a shot! Yiew hew!

A photo posted by Miley Cyrus (@mileycyrus) on Mar 24, 2016 at 7:39am PDT

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Should you treat your aching back with a crack?

(CNN)Spinal manipulation might make a small difference in your lower-back pain, but it’s unlikely to have you doing backflips right away, according to an analysis published today in the Journal of the American Medical Association.

The research, which pooled 26 prior studies, found that spinal manipulation was linked to “modest improvements” in pain and function among people with short-term lower-back pain. Their pain improved an average of one point on a 10-point scale.
“For acute back pain, this is usually not considered a clinically meaningful improvement,” said Dr. Wolf Mehling, who practices at the Osher Center for Integrative Medicine at the University of California, San Francisco. Mehling was not involved in the JAMA study.
    The analysis did not include people with chronic low back pain, which lasts much longer. A 2011 Cochrane review failed to find good evidence that spinal manipulation was any better or worse than other treatments for chronic low back pain.
    Mehling is one of two doctors he knows at UCSF who practice spinal manipulation and other chiropractic therapies. He said the new study lumps together many people who may have differing causes for their back pain.
    For this reason, a lackluster average drop in pain may actually hide people who do see a noticeable benefit.
    “It’s not like everybody gets exactly a one-point benefit,” said Dr. Paul Shekelle, one of the authors of the study and a physician at the VA Medical Center in West Los Angeles. “Some people get zero, but some people get a lot more.”
    Previous research has suggested that some people are more likely to benefit from spinal manipulation than others: for example, those whose symptoms last fewer than 16 days, who have no pain below the knee and who are willing to remain active.
    Mehling, who trained in both Germany and the United States, said that most American doctors do not receive training in spinal manipulation, nor do they know how to test whether a patient might be a good candidate. Often, those who practice the technique may be chiropractors or physical therapists.
    “Physicians in the US are not trained to put their hands on patients,” he said. “In Germany, spinal manipulation … is part of normal care.”

    Pills and motions

    “We’re trying to take joints in your spine that have become too stiff and give them back their normal motion again,” said William Lauretti, a spokesman for the American Chiropractic Association and an associate professor at New York Chiropractic College.
    Lauretti, who did not participate in the study, said spinal manipulation can take different forms, but the most common involves someone lying on their side on a low bench while a chiropractor twists and moves each spinal joint through its normal range of motion.
    “There are people who respond very, very well to this,” he said.
    But some experts say that a sample of patients with acute low back pain is inherently skewed.
    “We know that the vast majority of these patients will spontaneously get better whether or not we do anything,” said Dr. Raj Rao, a spine specialist who has served on the American Academy of Orthopaedic Surgeons’ board of directors. Rao was not involved in the new analysis.
    Two of the studies in the analysis compared spinal manipulation to a fake, placebo version of the therapy, while additional studies compared it to other treatments. But Rao said that, because spinal manipulation is practiced in different ways by many types of practitioners — physical therapists, chiropractors and doctors included — it can be hard to standardize how the research is conducted.
    Experts say there is a need for well-designed studies that can prove or disprove the benefits of spinal manipulation and whom it is most likely to help. In their analysis, Shekelle and his co-authors rated the quality of each study they included; over half were classified as “low quality.”
    “It makes me a little cautious about my interpretation of any results of the study,” Rao said.

    No magic bullet

    “There’s no magic bullet out there, on average,” said Shekelle, the study author.
    About four out of five people will have lower-back pain at some point, according to the National Institute of Neurological Disorders and Stroke, making it a leading cause of missed work and disability.
    “Spinal manipulation is one of those therapies that on average has a small effect, and it’s in your doctor’s bag of things you can pull out and try,” Shekelle said.
    By coincidence, Shekelle found that the effect of spinal manipulation was about the same as anti-inflammatory drugs, such as Tylenol and Advil, according to a 2008 Cochrane review.
    “All of this manipulation didn’t change things that much but certainly adds to the cost of care,” Rao said.
    A first visit with a chiropractor, which typically includes an evaluation, may run between $75 and $200 depending on location and other factors, the ACA’s Lauretti estimated. Followup visits may cost between $30 and $70. He said many insurance plans cover some sort of chiropractic treatment, but policies and co-payments can vary.
    Over-the-counter pills, on the other hand, are cheaper and widely available, but come with potential side effects like stomach ulcers, Lauretti said. But side effects are more likely at high doses and over long periods, according to experts.
    On the other hand, no “serious” harms were reported in the low back pain studies that were analyzed, but minor aches and pains were plenty. About half to two-thirds of patients treated with spinal manipulation had temporarily increased pain, muscle stiffness and headache.
    Lauretti said, “This is similar to what you might get if you did a workout for the first time.”

    Back pain: Now what?

    So what to do about short-term back pain? Shekelle said that if something is safe and has worked for patients in the past, he doesn’t mess with a good thing.
    He may ask his patients to start by applying heat and trying over-the-counter meds and said he generally follows the advice of the American College of Physicians.
    In February, that group published its own recommendations for treating low back pain, suggesting starting with noninvasive remedies like superficial heat, massage, acupuncture or spinal manipulation. They also listed NSAIDs and muscle relaxants, if people prefer to take medicines.
    “Physicians should avoid prescribing unnecessary tests and costly and potentially harmful drugs, especially narcotics, for these patients,” Dr. Nitin Damle, the organization’s president, said in a statement.
    The group’s review said that spinal manipulation was backed by “low-quality evidence,” as well. Although the technique appeared to slightly improve function for short periods, there wasn’t enough evidence to say that it had any impact on the back pain itself.
    No matter which path people take, Shekelle said several things are key: reassurance that “the sky is not falling,” that most patients get better no matter what and that it is important to remain active.

    See the latest news and share your comments with CNN Health on Facebook and Twitter.

    “When I first started out 30 years ago, we put everybody to bed for a week and told them to rest their back. It turns out we were probably causing more harm than good,” Shekelle said, adding that the Department of Veterans Affairs, which requested the study, has integrated chiropractic care for years.
    Rao said that anecdotally, some patients do well with chiropractic therapies, which may be appropriate for short-term pain.
    “If you go to a chiropractor (one or two times) and it makes a difference, I’m all for it,” he said. “What I think I’m a little bit more cautious about … is prolonged chiropractic care.
    “When any of us is in pain,” he added, “we’re willing to do almost anything to get relief.”

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    Missing hiker, dog detected safe in California woods

    A woman and her dog were found dehydrated but alive by searchers Saturday, two days after they disappeared while hiking in Northern California.

    Bethnee Haury, 56, had stumbled into a deep ravine while hiking with her Australian shepherd, Camaro, near the community of Kings Mountain, the San Mateo County Sheriff’s Office told.

    Haury’s family told KTVU that the woman suffers from dementia and is dependent on insulin. Haury was airlifted to a hospital to be treated for dehydration and minor injuries after she had constructed her route into a canyon, which had about a 200 -foot drop. Searchers observed her about 600 yards from a road.

    “There were so many things that could have gone wrong, you know, the weather, her health, the terrain, ” San Mateo County Sheriff’s Detective Salvador Zuno. “There were so many things that could have gone wrong but they didn’t.”

    Haury was visiting a bed and breakfast in Woodside with her husband and son when she went on a hike in the timbers with the dog Thursday afternoon. Her husband reported her missing that evening when she did not return.

    In all, Zuno said that a team of 230 rescuers from 13 bureaux looked for Haury.

    “That( number) does not include search puppies, ponies, off-road vehicles, the sheriff’s air squadron or the Cal Fire helicopter that also participated, ” he said.

    The Associated Press contributed to this report .

    Click for more from .

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    Everything You Suppose You Knew About Curry Is Likely Wrong

    If you’re a curry fan, you may have noticed the word “curry” refers to a great many ranges of foodstuffs. It can get very confusing.

    There are curry foliages. Then there’s curry, the famous spice. And then curry is also the general name of a type of stewed dish.

    So before you enjoy another bowl of Thai curry soup or use another teaspoon of curry powder, it’s time you know what’s what when it comes to all things curry. We’re going to start with the basics: the leaves.

    What are curry foliages?

    bdspn via Getty Images A bunch of fresh curry leaves from the curry leaf tree.

    Curry leaves are an herb cultivated from the curry foliage tree( Murraya koenigii) and are largely used in South Indian cuisine. Do not confuse them with curry powder, which is a mixture of ground spices that may or may not contain ground curry leaves. And do not confuse the curry leaf tree with the curry plant.( The curry plant might induce you think of curry, but it is in fact not edible .)

    Curry leaves belong to the citrus fruit family. The foliages are glossy green and have a very powerful fragrance. There’s a citrus quality to them, naturally, but also something else that’s both bitter and sweet. There are many ways to cook with curry leaves, but they are often used in a similar fashion to bay foliages — though they’re often first fried in oil to release their flavor.

    You can find curry leaves at Indian and Asian food markets. Fresh leaves can be stored in the freezer, too. Just know: once “youre starting” cooking with curry foliages, you’ll never look back. And they are not a substitute for curry powder. Which leaves us with another question…

    What is curry powder?

    vikif via Getty Images A bright yellow heap of curry powder.

    Curry powder can be a lot of different things. Actually, that’s exactly what it is: curry powder is a combination of a bunch of spices. A quick search for curry powder will result in pages of recipes for how to build your own. It can range from five ingredients to more than 10, and it can include spices such as: cumin, coriander, turmeric, ginger, dry mustard, fenugreek and black pepper.

    The idea of ” curry powder” is a British one.( It resembles the North Indian spice mix garam masala, but it isn’t a spice mixture most Indian cooks would recognize .) British manufacturers came up with curry powder in an attempt to create a ready-made flavor that could recreate the flavors of South India that British colonists came to love.

    In fact, the word curry for Indian cook is also British in origin — they lumped all the savory, spiced Indian dishes into one category called curries. You can’t go to India and order a curry — it merely doesn’t exist. The British term curry was likely derived from the word Kari, which is the word for sauce in Tamil, a South Indian speech.

    So, what are “curries?”

    Curries are what happened when the Brits devised the word and introduced it to the rest of the world. It was first used to refer to a meat or vegetable dish cooked in a spiced gravy and served with rice. As an expression of the results of trade this dish was introduced to the rest of the world and each country that adopted it made it their own.

    In Japan, a curry is often a mild, sweet dish of meat, vegetables and gravy served with rice. In Thailand, curry has incorporated many of the nation’s regional ingredients — such as fiery chiles and coconut milk — and it is more soup-like. In Jamaica, they’re most well known for their goat curry that uses allspice and pimento. And in India, curries don’t exist.( But if you were to order a Malai Kofta, Matar Paneer, or Dum Aloo, you’d get what you probably think of as a curry .)

    This Is What A Happy Meal Looks Like Six Years After It Was Bought

    McDonald’s Happy Meals- a staple part of many a childhood treat and many an adult hangover when bite sized snacks are all your stomach can manage .

    Plus the little toy is a welcome distraction from how rough “youre feeling”, right?

    But after ensure just how … intact a Happy Meal appear a whopping SIX years after it was bought might put you off ever feeing one again? One woman, Jennifer Lovdahl- who frankly has a strange, yet innovative, savour in experimentations- decided to leave a Happy Meal in her office for six years to prove to her patients just how unhealthy the little box of wonder is…

    Jennifer who runs a Chiropractic clinic in Anchorage, Alaska, posted the photo on Facebook saying 😛 TAGEND

    “It’s been 6 years since I bought this “Happy Meal” at McDonald’s. It’s been sitting at our office this whole time and has not rotted, molded, or decomposed at all !!! It reeks only of cardboard. We did this experiment to reveal our patients how unhealthy this “food” is.”

    I mean, she has kind of got a point.

    Has this put you off McNuggets for life? Or has it just made you strangely hungry ?

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    10 Style To Trick People Into Thinking You’re Not The Slob You Truly Are

    Getting in shape is hard. It’s time devouring. It’s uncomfortable. You sweat. It’s, like, a whole thing.

    And like you, I don’t feel like doing it. My schedule is very inundated between bingeing on “Top Chef, ” profoundly investigating my hairline and thinking about starting a blog.

    Unfortunately, there is a widely spread andpopular opinion that, as humen, we should always be striving to better ourselves, and one thing we can do to live longer and happier lives is get in shape.

    But Jamie, this runs exactly against what we just “was talkin about a”, ” you might tell. “And I don’t wishes to. And I might start a blog soon.

    I know. Fear not. I’ve put together a list of tips-off and tricks that make it looklike you’re get into shape, when truly, you don’t have to change a damn thing about your awesome, perfect, lazy routine.

    1. Sports bra+ pony tale+ sneakers= instant SoulCycle instructor.

    Dressing the part of someone who is in shape is literally 90 percent of being shape. The other 10 percent is side planks from what we can tell.

    2. Get a spray tan.

    Contouring your newborn rolls builds them go from flab to fab-ish.

    Everyone knows pale, pasty wintertime scalp is a super common for someone who doesn’t work on themselves. Tan pudge is like the cool, older sister to pale pudge.It wears lots of eye shadow and smokes cigarettes by the motorcycle rack, if you know what we’re saying.

    Plus, it’s like, if no one is there to see you do the crunches, then did the crunches evenexist?

    3. Carry around a very expensive water bottle.

    No one buys expensive water bottles if they don’t have something to prove on the elliptical.Stocking up on cool, pricey gear sends out a message to everyone that you invest in your personal fitness journey.

    You wouldn’t expend $35 on a glass water bottle decked out with LED lighting, rearview mirrors and batteries included if you didn’t mean business on a stationary bike, am I right?

    4. Get a haircut.

    This maintains people guessing what’s different about you.Distract distract distract.

    If you are able to, get one of those infuriating haircuts that looks like maybe nothing happened to your head, but something definitely didhappen to your head. Then, when people ask what’s different about you, you are able to casually state that you’ve lost 15 pounds and gained half an inch of muscle around your biceps.

    They’llbe none the wiser.

    5. Leave supplements around your apartment.

    Having a giant bathtub of protein on top of your fridge can only mean one thing.

    Stocking up on and displaying fitness foods and supplements is a telltale symptom of a gym rat. If you want to be like a gym rat, you have to stagelike a gym rat.

    6. Whenever possible, run bananas into the conversation.

    Exclusive fitness tip: Bananas help the body avoid cramping. Drop that little truth bomb into a convo and watch people lose their minds.

    People LOVE fitness facts, and this one is particularly good because if they google it, it’s true. This constructs you the health whisperer of happy hour.

    7. Up your social media game. #bodygoals #fitness #ripped #lululemon

    Reshare, tag and post any and all images you insure considering health, fitness, the gym or yoga lots and lots of yoga.

    In fact, simply post pictures of people doing yoga in nature, and people will believe you fabricated the damn thing. It’s a natural phenomenon. We don’t know why it runs. It just does. #namaste #zen

    8. Fake an injury.

    Having a cast is a perfect reason to not show up to the gym.

    Use the guide below based on your personal fake sportspreferences to find your personal fake trauma 😛 TAGEND

    If you’re a fake tennis player or baseball player, your fake trauma is torn rotator cuff
    If you’re a fake football player, football player or basketball player, your fake trauma is torn achilles tendon
    If you’re a fake dancer or yogi, your fake injury is busted knee
    If you’re a fake runner, your fake trauma is shin splints
    If none of the above applies to your fake fitness activity of selection, just say you threw out your back and enjoy three months on your couch being left alone

    9. Wear a giant, oversized coat at all times.

    No one can argue you have a disgusting, unhealthy body if they can’t see your disgusting unhealthy body.

    10. Take a year to backpack around Europe.

    Give everyone some time to forget what you really look like.

    Once you’re back from a truly enlightening, life-changing experience, your inner spirit will glow so bright that the general public will be blinded looking at you and never recognize your totally normal, very average, just fine papa bod or mom butt. It’s what’s on the inside that counts .*

    * Unless you are a celebrity, politician or actual fitness teacher. In this case, we recommend eating right and regular exert, because candidly, you’re sort of eternally doomed to a life of judgment, inspection and outrageous criteria. Sorry.

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