30 Hardships I Suffered Before I Turned 30

1. Got depressed because my daddy ran broke, lost our home, and went insane . Hed cry all the time, ask me whats wrong with me? and listen to music until he died. 2. Got depressed because the first ten girls I asked out didnt like me and said no . Two actually ran away before I finished my question. One said yes and then the next day told her friend to tell me no. 3. Got depressed when my mom hit me because I woke up my father after his surgery . He attained me stand in the middle of the room and not move while she came over and made me. 4. Got depressed when the first business I started, CollegeCard( a debit card for college student ), went out of business after less than a year . 5. Got depressed when I was hurled out of grad school . The letter cited absence of maturity. I had dinner the other day with the professor who wrote the letter. He said that it was Nobel-prize winning economist Herb Simon who said, why are we letting that guy sit at a desk doing nothing when we could have a student there who is doing something and I guess he was right.

6. Got depressed when women I was in love with went home for a few weeks to her “countries ” and their own families received a letter I wrote to her. So they arranged a wedding for her within days and when she came back into township she denied we ever were going out. I called a friend of mine on the phone but was screaming so much I couldnt speak and he couldnt figure out who I was so he hung up.

7. Got depressed when four novels I wrote didnt get published by the time I was 26.

8. Got depressed when 50 short narratives I wrote and sent out to magazines didnt get published . All of them got was denied by sort letters. Out of the thousands of letters and copies of writings I sent out in my 20 s I did not get back one personalized rejection. I ran ten hours a day on writing and nothing came of it in my 20 s, with no hope for the future. 9. Got depressed when a Tv reveal I pitched to HBO get rejected after we spent a year shooting a 45 minute pilot . The female in charge of the decision said, For material like this you need to either depict person shooting their mom while naked or show your neighbors f *** ing. She is now in charge of HBO Family programming. 10. Got depressed when a 13 year old little girl crushed me in chess . Her name, in fact, is Irina Krush. I was a strong player and had examined for years. She analyzed the game for me and told me where I went wrong on the ninth move. I gave up playing tournament chess then. 11. Got depressed when Amy opted another guy over me . I truly fell hard for her. She married him and has a kid. I ran into her a few years ago. I still fell hard for her. 12. Got depressed when I liked this girl, Jaimie, and she liked me , but I was always so nervous and intimidated by her that I couldnt perform . One night she literally kicked me until I fell out of the bed and she told me to get out. So that was that. 13. Got depressed when I moved into my first apartment by myself . I had only one foam mattress and it was hot and I had a fever and all my sweat soaked thoroughly into the mattress. When I woke up in feverish pain in the middle of the night on top of my sweat-soaked mattress I was covered by roaches. 14. Got depressed when I entered a tournament for writing a 3 Day Novel . I finished the fiction and I called my girlfriend at the time. I wanted to get together. She said, I thought we were taking a break. And that was that.

15. Got depressed when I quit my job because I thought my business was going to take off and on the first day full day at my business our largest client cancelled us.

16. Got depressed when I jumped off my bed, pretending to be Superman , and I broke my toe and had to wear a casting . Then I had to start a new school as a first grader and I was that kid limping with the cast. 17. Got depressed when I was ten years old and I was caught stealing football cards at the local plaything store . They turned my coat upside down and packs of cards came out. They said, is that it? and I said yes. They shook more. More packs “re coming out”. IS THAT IT? Yes. They shook more. More packsAnd so on. 18. Got depressed when ten minutes later they discovered my grandparents and asked them to come to the back of the store. The looking my grandmother “ve given me” .

19. Got depressed when I was 16 andI had so much acne and so many cysts you could barely see my face.Id hear daughters talking about me and looking at me and then look away when I appeared. One guy, Yung Shin, told me: merely try and smile a lot.

20. Got depressed because cysts are purple . 21. Got depressed when I cut school because I was so embarrassed of how I looked . I went into NYC and got mugged and my knapsack was stolen from me and a bunch of books I wanted to read that day. Afterwards: my mama asking me, where is your knapsack? and I had no answer.

22. Got depressed when I was eight andmy dad convinced me to donate all my games to charity and he would give me his tax write-off. I didnt even know what a taxation write-off was but I thought it was a lot of money. I devoted him about 20 games( Monopoly, Chutes& Ladders, Trouble, etc ). About six months later he gave me a dollar.

23. Got depressed the first semester of grad school when I failed ALL of my courses . Up until then I supposed I was smart. But at that moment I knew for the rest of my life I would have to fake it. 24. Got depressed when we moved to a new township when I was five . My new friends thought it would be fun to hold my hand on top of a burning barbecue for as long as possible. We moved a month or so after that. 25. Got depressed when I was unhappy in a relationship but we were living together and both of us too poor moved away . So I stayed at work and played online chess all of the time. At least 20 hours a day. And she would be upset at me and bang on my office door but I would lock it and pretend I wasnt there. 26. Got depressed when she cheated on me. But I deserved it . 27. Got depressed when my college girlfriend and I took Kung-Fu class Freshman year of college and she beat the shit out of me .

28. Got depressed when I started a brand new task in NYC and my dad bought me a suit and I was walking to run from the bus station when the woman standing two feet to my right was run over and killed by a taxicab that came up onto the sidewalk. I was depressed but it was worse for her.

29. Got depressed on my very first memory . I was in some sort of big crib even though I was too old for cribs. I was hollering. It was early in the morning. Eventually my grandmother lifted me out of the crib so I could play. I dont think I have another memory until at the least a year after that. 30. Was very happy the first time I was kissed. It felt like liquid electricity massaging all of the blood in my body .

And this was as bad as it get. Not so bad.

Sometimes I feel like Im the luckiest person alive.

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Trust In The Timing Of Your Life

Life is chaotic sometimes. Just as you think everything is going swimmingly, something happens that sends you out of whack. It stimulates you a little bit adrift and this unsettling feeling is hard to shake. Whether its losing your job, your SO, or even if your favorite coffee shop closes down( yes, this would suck for me ), its important to take a step back, exhale and surrender.

I always get into a funk when my life goes off balance. Sometimes I feel like Ive taken one step forwards and two steps back. Thats when I stop and realise,

It’s okay.

Its okay to feel behind, its okay not to be okay, but at the same hour its important to pick yourself up. I give myself 10 emotional minutes in a day if I need it, then I get up and remind myself that I am a gangster( with a matcha latte and a yoga mat ).

Accept.

We want to control everything around us, the situations and the person or persons, but youve got to remember that you cant control every aspect of your life. Dont waste your energy into things you cant control. Instead, utilize that energy to get yourself closer to those goals and being the best version of yourself.

Trust.

Trust in life and trust in yourself. Trust that where you are at in your life at the moment is the right thing and the thing this is necessary most. Dont compare your life to others, everyone is on an individual journey and is on a completely different route and scrolling through your feed upon social media isnt going to stimulate you feel better if you think everyone is ahead of you. Life isnt a race so slow down.

Learn.

Learn from the struggles, falls, heartache, heartbreak, loss, and endings. Because when something ends, a new thing begins. Learn from the people who have come into your life and left, learn from the people who are still here, learn from your experiences good and bad, and most of all learn from yourself.

Celebrate.

We all have objectives that we one day trying to achieve, but in the meantime celebrate your small wins and keep yourself motivated. Focusing on only the big goal can be daunting at times when you think youre not getting closer to it, so look at each step as a tick in the box, getting you that much closer to your goals and go and have that glass of wine and celebrate( any excuse for a tipple ).

Be grateful.

Be grateful for everything in your life. Acknowledge the good no matter how small. You woke up this morning and have another chance at life, you have great friends and family, you have a roof over your head whatever it is, be grateful.

Remember, life is amazing, then awful. And then its amazing again. And in between the amazing and the awful, its ordinary and mundane and routine. Breathe in the amazing, hold on through the nasty, and relax and exhale during the course of its ordinary. Thats just living, heart-breaking, soul-healing, astounding, nasty, ordinary life and its breathtakingly beautiful.

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25 Promises You Should Attain To Yourself Today For A Better Tomorrow

Of all the promises we make, the most important point ones will be the promises we induce to ourselves and how we plan on to be maintained. Here are 25 promises you should build to yourself today 😛 TAGEND

1. Promise yourself to accept who you are now until you work on being the best possible version of yourself.

2. Promise yourself to let love in when it knocks on your door no matter how many times youve been hurt before. Promise yourself to let loveheal you.

3. Promise yourself to walk away from the relationship you dont deserve.

4. Promise yourself to leave a place you dont belong in: a task, a country, an apartment…just leave.

5. Promise yourself to appreciate your friends and your family and everyone you love and show them how much they mean to you.

6. Promise yourself to forgive yourself for your past mistakes and failures and start over with a solid heart.

7. Promise yourself to be kinder to yourself and give yourself thesameamount of support you would give others.

8. Promise yourself to do more of what makes you happy, even if you have to do it alone.

9. Promise yourself to tell person how you really feel about them if they cant construct you sleep at night.

10. Promise yourself to try harder to do what you love and turn your life around.

11. Promise yourself to let the toxic people in your life go.

12. Promise yourself to let the toxic supposes in your intellect go.

13. Promise yourself to be a lot more spontaneous and a litttle less calculated.

14. Promise yourself to live a life that feelings right to you not anyone else.

15. Promise yourself to find something good in every painful experience.

16. Promise yourself to find happiness in the smaller things in life.

17. Promise yourself to take good care of your body and take good care of your mind.

18. Promise yourself to forget whats behind you and start appreciating whats in front of you.

19. Promise yourself to stop comparing their own lives to others.

20. Promise yourself to listen to your intestine when it advises you about something.

21. Promise yourself to help someone when they need you.

22. Promise yourself topick your battles wisely.

23. Promise yourself to start facing your fears.

24. Promise yourself to start believing in miracles.

25. Promiseyourselfto keep as much of these promises as you can.

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13 Newlyweds On Exactly How They Plan To Beat The Odds And Stay Faithful Forever

1. On a whim the other night, my wife started reading this sexy book out loud to me andI was rapt. That led to some really fun experimenting. Entirely new sexual territory for us. I only keep reminding myself that theres much better for us to do together. If you’re open-minded and committed to keeping the passion alive, there’s really nothing to worry about.

2. I started giving my husband sexual coupons( e.g. One start to finish blowie, redeemable with 48 hours notice) for special occasions a year or so into our relationship. Hes always loved them, and I think they give us both a healthy sense of security. He likes having a hoard of sex favors he can cash in, and I’m convincedthecoupons keep his dirty believes centered on me. When it comes to marital loyalty, coupons might just bethe best kept secret.

3. ” People always assume its the man whos more likely to cheat, but Im way more sex than my husband is. Fortunately, Im also an accomplishedmasturbator. As long as I’ve got ateam of vibrators at my bedside, I won’t be seduced to dabble outside our marriage .”

4. I fought with porn craving a few years back, when my wife was still my girlfriend. When I came clean, it was a big jolt toherself-esteem. But onceshe accepted that I had a problem, she came through with a genius plan.Instead of the typical date night, westay homeand induce our own sexy videos. It maintains us connectednot just sexually but emotionallyand I am one hundred percent certain were gonna make it long-term without any affairs getting in the way thanks to DIY porn.

5. There was a moment when I came close to making out with my colleague a few weeks after my husband and I tied the knot, but I pulled back in time. I’m not naive enough to think that we won’t be tempted sometimes, but I feel like Im programmed not to go there because I genuinely do love my husband that much. And I know in my heart that he feels just as strongly.

6. My wifes horny af. I wouldnt have marriage her otherwise because Im a guy who needs to get laid at the least once a day. But so does she! Were a perfect match. Seriously, were the happiest couple I know.

7. Right after the wedding, my husband and I experienced the early onset of the Seven Year Itch syndrome. Neither of us was all that interested in intimacyat least not with one another. But Im a type-Aladyand I refused to give up on us. I did a lot of research and we tried a bunch of things until we found somethingthatworks for us: A sex schedule. It might voice completely unsexy to schedule sex, but its not. My spouse LOVES the guarantee of sex, and we both have fun sending one another dirty calendar invites. Its such a simple measure, truly, so Im confident well always be able to rekindle the flamewhenever we need to.

8. My wife and I wedded later than most of our friends, and all of them were always telling us that wedding would kill our sex life. So whenwe gotengaged, we decided to beproactive about developing a really honest sexual dialogue. We started checking in with one another at least once a week merely to make sure were both okayin all areas, including sexuality. You cant assume someones happy. You have to ask them, and also be receptive to feedback if you want things to last.

9. My husband threw his back out jet skiing on our honeymoon andhe was bedridden for days. One morning he prayed me for a handy sincehe wasnt truly able to have sex. I rejected because I thoughta handjobwould be bad for his back if he was writhing his pelvis and hips. Hegot mad, and started screaming about how he’d “re going to have to” order amassage and a happy ending if I didn’t help him. I said, Fine! But if start taking liberties, will too. Then we both cracked up because we knew “were in” both full of shit. Theres balance between useven when we battle, you know? And we have this shared sense of humor we can count on tobring us back to solid ground.

10. Marriage is hard work and part of that work is keeping your partner sexually satisfied. Im fortunateto be married to a woman who reallyunderstands thatgive-and-take. Sometimes were both really into making love, but sometimes one of us is clearly doing the other a favor in get naked and thats okay. We live bya kind of unspoken pact that maintains us bothcontent.

11. Weve only been married for six months, and let me say to you: After the wedding, theres a definite drop off in the excitement level. The chaos ends and its easy to freak out. What Ive realise is that its important to shape your own position every single day. You can stress out thinking, oh my God, Im stuck with one girl for the rest of my life, or you can take comfort in a gues like, I am one luck human to get to come home to an amazing female every single night. Positive thinking, human. That’s how I do it.

12. Im not shy. Ill tap into my inner animal and get freaky in the sack and my husband knows he cant get that from other women, inevitably. He dated a bunch of women who were sex dud before we got together. If you want to make sure your partner doesnt cheat, just be the best sexuality they can have.

13. Ill tell you what my buddy were talking about staying faithful for a lifetime: One day at a time. Its the only style forward.

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26 One-Sentence Pep Talks To Give Yourself When You’re Stressed, Unhappy, Or Simply Lost

1. Being intimidated by something new is always better than being bored.

2. Failing will always be more admirable than sitting unscathed on the sidelines.

3. I would rather be someone who does something than someone who just tells others what they’re doing wrong.

4 . If the thing I am currently chasing after was easy to achieve, everybody would do it and it wouldn’t be special.

5. This isn’t the first time in my life I’ve been frightened and it won’t be the last, so I might as well learn how to keep life and doing and creating in spite of the fear.

6. The most admired and successful people in the world were not free of insecurity or error or self-doubt; they just maintained showing up and trying , no matter how many times it took, until they got what they wanted.

7. The sadnes from not having done something is always so much worse than the dread or uncertainty that comes with doing something that can be scary.

8. Laying in bed and conceal from the world feelings fantastic, but merely for a very short while.

9. And eventually, staying under the covers and avoiding the real world moves from a pleasant avoidance to an extremely painful and uncomfortable restlessness that can only be soothed with action.

10. What I must remember is that everyone else is too focused on their own lives to fret too much about mine.

11. So why am I wasting so much of my period are concerned about what they suppose?

12. Doing something will always make me feel better than complaining, even if it’s the more uncomfortable or difficult option.

13. I am my own harshest critic, so what I actually need to do is just tell Pessimistic Me to shut the hell up.

14. I’m going to have a lot of blunders in whatever it is that I do before I actually get things right each time; but with each blunder, I’m only that much closer to the final successful turnout.

15. I know myself better than anyone else, I’ve built it this far, and I will continue to take care of myself the same route I always have.

16. Some days will suck, and that’s okay, because it’s the worst days , not the best ones, that inspire people to work harder and to be better.

17. Going after something they wanted, even after they began to feel insufficient and unworthy, is what separates those who succeeded from those who didn’t.

18. As the saying runs, I’ve survived 100% of my worst days, so I only need to keep going.

19. I cannot forget that sometimes a hot cup of tea and a long sleep can do wonders.

20. Breathe: when things get to be too much, I need to truly, seriously focus on breathing.

21. I would never speak to someone I love with brutality or harshness, so why would it ever be okay to speak to myself that way?

22. Being lost or listless is okay, as long as I’m doing everything in my power not to accept it as the norm.

23. There’s always a chance that I will fail, but what kind of person am I if I’m going to let that alone stop me?

24. I’m lucky enough to have the luxury of worrying about self-realization and happiness, since my most basic needs of food, shelter, and safety are secure; that’s something I should never permit myself to take for granted.

25. I will always be more than simply my accomplishments.

26. Fear is what forces me to fly.

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To The Guy Who I Loved And Ultimately Lost

To the guy I loved and lost ,

Sometime ago I had a dreaming that I was in the prettiest white dress, and I wasjust about to walk down the aisle. As I approached the alter I assured the mostravishingly dressed-up guy; you. I was undoubtedly the happiest person in the worldas I looked into your bright and enchanting eyes. From your warm embrace, Icouldve reeked you as I leaned in closer. Your touch was so comforting, until I woke up and I realized I was alone.

Without your presence in my life, I live one alone, which is an excruciating and profound reminder that you are no longer a part ofme. We no longer speak to each other like we used to, but its already dawn. Its theday that I should start my life anew and I cant even rest at ease.

Within a few hours, I will arise from bedand do my morning routine. Ill shower and get dressed for my new task withcomplete awareness that you wont be there in the evening for me to tell you howmy day passed.

Subsequently, Ill likely be all alone feeing KFC while facingthe wrath of reality that the only person I want to talk to at the end of my day is theonly person I cant speak to.

I am basically a bomb might wish to explosion since it all happened. An entity of self-loath and loneliness was something I didnt think I was capable of being. That wasuntil I detected myself alone, staring at the four bedroom walls surrounding me andsobbing so uncontrollably, that I couldnt catch my breath . The night we broke up, Iinstantaneously packed up the stuff that you gave to me. I neatly folded your t-shirtthat I claimed from your DC comic collection. After which I cleared my room ofeverything that jogged my memory of your existence in my world. As a result, my room is also now beset with different things that remind me that, even though youre no longer present in my life; youd never be too remote frommy thinks. I can confess that there will be days that Id take that batman t-shirtand wear it as I pretend to be okay again . Ive started the procedure provided for in standardizing my life devoid of you in the working day ofyour absence. Gawkily filling the gaps that you once occupied with my black andwhite describes, old associates, all genres of movies and more ice cream than weboth can eat.

Despite all of my efforts to accept the situation and move forward, I constantly contemplate that with enough time, your decision will change. I hope that you want me in your life and there will be an us again. I anticipatethat youstill love me.

I keep thinking that youll change your intellect once again and insure meas the woman who will be standing next to you on the day of your wedding.

Wewould be the couple chilling on the sofa after we put the kids to bed. I imagine thatyou will reconsider your decision and return to me.However, I dont just want you to change your intellect. I want you to make up yourmind . I want you to make up your mind that it is you want, and show me that Iwasnt wrong to love you so unconditionally. I wanted to believe you when yousaid that you wanted to expend the rest of your life with me. I want you to make upyour mind that while there are lots of stunning women in the world, whod be betterin bed, that I am the only one you truly love. I want you to make up your mind thatIm the person that attains you the happiest and also give your life a new definition.

Unfortunately due to the circumstances, Im unaware of when or if this would everbe a reality, and thats the most difficult facet of this situation. There is thepossibility that the love of their own lives may simply not be me. Either style, I started my new occupation and Im still scared and nervousnervous asever. Youre the only person that can soothe me and tomorrow Ill be leaving homewithout your encouraging words that everything will be okay. You wont be ableto hear about it at night. Ill get through each day one step at a time while alsotrying to assure everyone that I am fine.

I am fine with the knowledge that youresomewhere else, doing something else and maybe with someone else. Ill expelyou from my mind and simply carry on. Until the working day I pass by the ice creamparlor and recollect your favorite flavor or even see your favourite color.Until the instant where my phone vibrates, until that creed or Shania twain songplays. Until I have to go to sleep. And until I have to fall apart and have to start all overagain. Without you .

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17 Ways Lazy Girls Fake Having Their Shit Together

I’m one of those lazy girls that constantly floats between wearing glasses and sweatpants, to the whole nine yards with murderer heels and a little black dress. But, the majority of cases( all the time ), I’d rather not really try.I have come to find that , none of us really have to try so hard to seem like weknow what we’re doing. It’s easier than it seems.

1 . Throw your hair up in a messy bun . No matter your hair texture, or how badly the ends of your strands seem, you can always set it up and spray with a bit of hairspray to make sure it lasts all day.

2 . Sunglasses . They hide tired eyes, puffy eyes, hangovers, and blemishes. They are truly the best accessory. You don’t even require make-up.

3 . Starbucks . I don’t care if you despise it, but carrying around a Starbucks cupin your hand induces you lookSOdarn fancy.

4 . Wine . Display wine bottles all over your place. Collect the corks to display on your coffee table. Basically, wine will always be the answer. No matter what.

5 . LaCroix Water . I likely will never be able to pronounce it, but when you pull one out of your purse, you will look fancy as f* ck.

6 . Throw on a dress . Candidly, why even bother putting on pants anymore?

7 . Always order the biggest plate of pasta you can . Literally, everyone else with their pathetic salads are going to stare at you with jealousy. #winning. #alwayssayyestopasta.

8 . Save old selfies . Whenever “youre feeling” on’ fleek ‘, take a scene. On the days when you are lying in bed with nothing to do, post one of those old but HOT pictures of yourself. Likes guaranteed.

9 . Google pictures of the gym . Then, post some believable ones on your snapchat. Keep’ murdering’ in bed.

10 . If you must go out, don’t forgotten your’ medicine ‘. Now, when you want to leave early to a collect, depict your friends your’ antibiotics’ that the doctor prescribed for you. You are free to goes, and in the clear.

11 . Fairy lightings . So, you don’t feel like vacuuming or cleaning your apartment up at all? Not a problem. Buy some cute suns, hang them up, and your friends won’t even notice the disaster that is right in from of them.

12 . Adult coloring books . Some may say you’re lazy for not going out on a Friday night, Isay you are relaxing your intellect with some good old fashioned fun( and alcohol ).

13 . Build up your bed . No matter how messy and disgusting your bedroom is, attaining up your bed will always make you look like you are on top of things.

14 . Always have gum on hand . Sometimes, you forget to brush your teeth while you were in a rush to get work. What does the job? Gum. Sometimes, you have a really bad hangover and brushing your teeth isn’t cutting it. What does the job? Gum.

15 . Dry shampoo . We all don’t have time to wash our hair every single day. Meet dry shampoo: your new best friend. It get rid of excess oil and constructs it look like you actually tried( for once ).

16 . Fake plants . I don’t know what it is about plants, but they are really hard to take care of( or it’s just me ). Solution? Fake flowers, fake hydrangeas, and fakesucculents will construct you seem like the queen of having your shit together.

17 . When all else fails, stop devoting a crap . Pay no intellect to the persons who to continue efforts to put you down. Espouse your laziness. Embrace who you are. You’re freaking awesome.

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Sometimes The People We Fall Hardest For Are The People Who Let Us Down The Hardest

As much as it hurts, and how much it kills you, sometimes the people we love we most, are the ones that aren’t good for us. No matter how much you care for them, and how much you want to keep them in your life, sometimes the people you love most are the ones who will hurt you the most.

It’s hard for us to picture the person we love most in this world every trying to hurt us, but the harder we love, the bigger the possibility of them hurting us gets. It’s hard for us to imagine them saying goodbye, or them leaving without another word. It’s hard to picture the moment when they will find someone better, someone prettier, someone more likable.

“It won’t happen to us”, we say. “Our relationship is different than all the others”, we try to convince ourselves. “He wouldn’t do that to me”, we whisperto ourselves in the darkness.

But sometimes, no matter how big the love is, and how confident the bond is between you two, they will end up hurting you. No matter what you do.

We can’t escape it. We can’t foresee it. We can’t ever predict it. Sometimes, it just happens. Without a warning. And without a chance of explanation. They call you on the phone telling you it’s over. They pack up their bags and leave overnight. They write a note on your bedside table saying sorry. They tell you they want to see other place. They tell you they have changed their minds.

And it’s not anyone’s fault. It’s not your fault for loving so hard. It’s not their fault for having a change of heart. It’s not your fault for entering into the relationship. It’s not their fault for finding someone else who they get along better with.

It’s just life. It’s how things happen. And sometimes, the worst things happens. The boy you thought was your forever is gone. The boy you loved the most, wrecked you. And they didn’t even give you a chance to show them all you had to offer them.

They never ever gave you a chance.

So, what do you say to them? What do you do? You tell those people who left you, that it’s their loss. That you feel sorry for them for never giving you the benefit of the doubt. That they just lost the best thing they could’ve had.

And then tell them thank you.

Because now, you finally realize that they weren’t the best person for you.

The best person for you wouldn’t ever leave. The best person for you wouldn’t ever dare to sneak out without another word. The best person for you would never utter the words, “goodbye”. The best person for you would be right there next to you, sleeping soundly, dreaming of you. The best person for you would stay. They will always stay.

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The Truth About Why I Haven’t Determined For A’ Real’ Job Yet

I roll out of bed ataround 4:30 am even after a 1:00 am clock out at work a short 3.5 hours prior. My phone lies on my nightstand lighted up with Nordstrom Rackemails, Tinder messages, and an option to hit Sleep.

Next step is usually a trip-up to the bathroom to rinse the make up residue from my eyes I failed to getoff properly the night before. I head to the kitchen next, snap the lid on the Keurig for coffee and crack two eggs for my omelette.

My green Herschel backpack is stuffed to the top with food, clothes, and other random items Ill need for the next several hours .

I pull my plaid pajama shorts off and change into a pair of multi-color gym shorts and a Lululemon tank. The walking to the gym is a short 8 minutes where I begin my first chore of the day.

My status at 9am is as follows 😛 TAGEND Job# 1 Check . Workout Check . Dark circles beneath my eyes: Check. Check. Check .

After a rain, I hop onto the metro to Court House station in Arlington, VA where my freelance marketing gig is. Outside the office is a giant mural, overloaded with every color in the spectrum. Step into the office and youll find boxes, several desks, and a keg of Yuengling light.

Hunter *, what are Saturdays for? THE BOYS! He replies.

this is how my Tuesdays usually go.

My work uniform changes from gym clothes, to jeans paired with a cute shirt and then a transitionto a tight black tank usually wornwith dark-wash shorts and Converse-like nonslip shoes. A Flying Dog bottle opener usually hangs out of my back pocket as I head to my third job of the day.

Work views are brew taps and a dusty Absolut Oak bottle that is never utilized. Networking is chatting up bar guests with the occasional resume/ business card exchange .# Goals areum, I dont really know.

A 23 year old single bartender living in the nations capital: a demographic I presently fall into which I have come to find out is few and far between. Im not are participating in grad school, I didnt move here to be with a significant other, I dont have a defined career path. My day-to-day activities dont involve long commutes on the Metro, responding to emails in record-setting hours, or lunch breaks with co-workers at thefood truck outside of the office

My schedule is long and not the most glorious, but I dont allow myself to complain. Ok, perhaps the ocassionalIm tired AF stop talking to me, remark, but its a life I opted for myself.

I recently was offered a full hour 9-5 gig. Benefits, an entry level salary, a smart option. One that would have certainly removed me from the uncommon demographic I have stumbled upon. One that would turn my 16 hour days into 9, one that would give my loved ones a peace of mind that Im more financially and mentally stable.

I wanted to respond to the email with eagerness, but as my fingers began to type the response, I hit backspace.

Thank you so much for this opportunity. I would love to acc-

Delete.

I politely declined the offer.

Im trying really hard not to sound like the cliche millennial with a~ go with the flow~ position about my professional life because the truth is, I am very much looking forward to the day that I can afford to take weekends off. I cant wait to tell my mommy that I landed a job and be genuinely aroused about it. I cant wait to look back and say to myself 😛 TAGEND

But, I want to be excited about it. Maybe the next job I land wont be exactly what I want to do with the rest of my life, but why should I have to settle for something so farfetched from where I want to be to feel like I belong?

Its hard for some people to understand a lot of the choices I construct, and its even tougher to explain them. But, Ive found that its best not explain them at all.

Just because I dont know exactly where this path will take me, at least I know its going to take me somewhere.

People call me crazy for running 3 jobs. To be honest, I could probably get by with only bartending full period if I wanted to. However, Id rather be living a life that encompasses all of my interestswhile getting paid for it. And if that entails running my ass of day in and day out, thats ok.

The stereotypical DC question to ask. Sometimes people are just genuinely interested, but other days its to compare themselves.Its a question I get all of the time, usuallyas Im pouring a beer for them as they are in the midst of complaining about how miserable their task is. Its often an assumption that bartending is just for extra cash, and for a lot of people it is. But for me, its not. At least for now.

I dont go into detail about my long days, because I know they dont genuinely want to hear it. I used to feel like I had to explain myself and my situation often replying with 😛 TAGEND

Well Im just trying to figure out what I want to do so I run a few chores find what will fit best for me.

Who wants to get up at 4:30 am and finish the working day at 1am? Society would classify us as: crazy, unhappy, and overworked.

Crazy? Perhaps. Overworked? At hours, yeah. Unhappy? Who says?

It would be taboo for me to say, This life I have chosen for myself induces me genuinely happy. Even if its the truth.

I moved to a new cityto for one reason: to create a new life. One that may be messy, exhausting, and challenging at times, but I find happinessin the fact that I construct it on my own.I may have to excavation beneath the several thousand dollars of rent pays, Uber charges, and shitty boys to find it, but its still there.

I shouldnt have to explain why this life makes me happy, and neither should you.

Be good people and make healthy options. Know your worth, but know youll forgotten your worth at times too, and thats OK. Learn from it. Mothers, peers, and privileged strangers will tell you a steady careeris the key to happiness, which is fine, but dont let them define your the expected accomplishments and contentment if youre not in the same state of mind. Take each opportunity presented to you and run with it. Whether that opportunity involves asking customers how theyd like their burger cooked or traveling the world with Nat Geo( someday ), it doesnt matter. Every task, every shitty guy, every individual experience attains you more than who you were yesterday. And thats awesome.

My Tuesdays may be different from your Tuesdays, but its merely a Tuesday. And I like Tuesdays. I hope you do too .

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How To Know When It Is Finally Time To Let Run

Its 1:40 am and youre trying to wipe tears of your face from reading old text messages from when you first gather. You peek to see if hes online because you want to send that long message you saved in your drafts to let him know you miss him. Your heart is aching from flashing memories of all the favorite dates you had. This is it. This is when reality makes you the most. Youre in denial but you know you have to swallow the truth anyway .

This is when you need to stop.

Get up. Stroll to the bathroom and dunk your face into water. At this moment, you only cleaned not only the regrets from your eyes but the heartache you felt after months of being mistreated. Where did he run? Where was he when you went to bed screaming from a broken heart ? Realization flows into your body like a streaming river of sadnes. All those nights of you feeling like a ticking bomb waiting to explosion because you overthink on the what ifs and whys. You are done picking up pieces of your heart that he shattered every single day you make a mistake.

Its time to set yourself free. Its time to let go.

You knew he was not worth it. You knew you were unhappy for the longest day you could recollect. You stayed and held on because you thought that he would change. He promised you eternally. But eternally is now a remote memory. You cant “re fucking lying to” yourself anymore and no level of persuading is enough for you to go back to the style you were when you were in love . Place your hand over your heart and know that you cant do this anymore. This is too much. Pain has caused you to be somebody you’re not. Lies transgressed your trust and constructed you think everybody is the same. He brought the bad out of you like a dark angel came to see you a long-kept closet. This isnt you. This isnt him. And this is definitely not us.

If merely he could understand how you felt.

How you felt when you found out about his lies. How you felt when he left you hanging in between explains. How you felt when he “ve told you” that youre not been enough for him. You know you didnt deserve that but you believed you do because you love him to believe his terms over your own. When do you know when its time to let go?

You could only hold on to something painful for so long till you lose strength and heroism to let go. Why hold on to something that hurts you. Relationships are not supposed to be toxic. People say get rid of toxic because its bad for you.

Its time to realize that the toxic is a person . It needs to go. It needs to leave your system before it corrodes you and leave more damage than you could regain back. It will hurt. If it didnt then it wasnt real. Its never easy to let go of the person you love but it’s more impossible to stay.

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