When you’re really into someone, and they’re really into you (or so you think), it can be devastating to experience the relationship going south. One of the worst things that can happen in a situation like this is the sudden decline in texts. You thought they were interested, but now what? In cases like these, you may be wondering just what to do when a guy doesn’t text back.
Ghosting is an unfortunate trend that has taken center stage in the dating realm for a little while now. Even if you’ve never been ghosted (lucky you!), you’ve likely worried about whether or not you are being ghosted when someone stops responding to your texts the way they used to.
The truth is, it’s definitely nerve-wracking. When the pattern of communication was going a certain way and, all of a sudden, it changes, it’s natural to wonder what’s happening. It’s especially infuriating if you are with someone who won’t give you a straight answer as to whether they are into you or not. So what’s a girl to do?
Well, there are a few simple steps you can take when someone stops texting you back. These are steps that will be good for you, your mental health, and your overall self-worth.
1. Stop Texting
Here’s the first thing you should do when someone stops texting you: STOP TEXTING THEM. Don’t send any more “Hey, how are you?” texts. Don’t send anymore GIFs. And DON’T send any “Where are you?” texts.
I know that other people give advice along the lines of “send a casual text.” No. Don’t. The person is already not texting you back, they’ve made clear that they aren’t going to, and one more casual text isn’t going to do anything to change that. Stop texting right away, and resolve not to give this crappy person any more satisfaction.
2. Delete Your Text History
If the person has stopped texting you, that means they were texting you at some point before, which means you likely have a text history, including the last few texts that you sent them. Delete. Delete. Delete.
Go in and immediately delete your entire text history when you realize you aren’t hearing back. There’s no point sitting around and waiting for them to get back to you while you read over their old texts and cry to yourself. And you know that’s what you’ll end up doing: just rereading and rereading and wondering where it all went wrong. Save yourself the heartbreak. Delete the entire text chain ASAP.
3. Maybe Delete Their Number
Deleting the text chain may not be enough. If you are really sure they probably aren’t texting back for good, and you know they are kind of a jerk anyway, go ahead and delete their number so you aren’t tempted to text them at all.
Let’s be real: You probably have at least the first few digits of their number memorized anyway, so if they text, you’ll know it’s them. If not, and you hit them with a “Who dis?” you’ll just let them know even more that you aren’t amused by their lack of text response and that you aren’t waiting around for them.
Go ahead and hit the big D — for “Delete,” that is.
4. Keep Your Cool
This is important: Don’t lose your mind. It can be tempting to completely go off on someone who has refused to text you back. You might want to berate them, get angry, or tell them how terrible they are. Don’t do any of those things. It’ll just give the non-texter too much satisfaction.
No matter how angry you feel at the situation, remember to keep your cool. Looking back, you’ll be glad you kept it together no matter what happens. If they were just busy and didn’t have time to text back, you’ll be glad you didn’t overreact. But even if they are just about to ghost you, you’ll still feel better about yourself for taking the high road. It may not feel like it now, but it’s the right thing to do for your mental health, I promise.
5. Distract Yourself
Go to the gym. Call your friends. Head to see a movie. DO ANYTHING to distract yourself. This person isn’t texting you back. That’s clear. So stop sitting around waiting for them. Get out of your house and out of your head to do something.
Not only will intentionally distracting yourself distract you (the goal), but you’ll probably find that with some fun time out of the house alone or with friends, you’ll feel better about yourself and not as hungry for this person’s attention.
And you’ll find that with even a little bit of time, you’ll be way less concerned about hearing back from them. Win. Win. Win.
6. Forget That Jerk
The final step in the process of someone not texting you back is to forget them. Be all “Boy, bye,” and then live it. Don’t SAY it but then still be waiting for a text back. Instead, literally don’t keep thinking about them. Remove them from your mind.
You will be a lot happier in the long run if you make a concerted effort to forget this idiot, I promise.
When someone doesn’t text you back, it can be really infuriating and heartbreaking, depending on how much you liked them. The important thing is to keep your self-respect and self-worth in tact and move on as quickly as possible.
Check out the entire Gen Why series and other videos on Facebook and the Bustle app across Apple TV, Roku, and Amazon Fire TV.
Check out the “Best of Elite Daily” stream in the Bustle App for more stories just like this!
Silent retreats, silent eateries and even silent dating events are on the rise. Now a new film aims to quietly spread the word
Once the preserve of monastic retreats and hardcore meditators, simply being quiet is growing in appeal. Whole businesses have sprung up to meet a rising demand for quiet hour, from silent weekend getaways to silent dining, silent read parties and even silent dating. This month watches the release of documentary In Pursuit of Silence, a meditative film about our relationship with noise, promoted with a delicate two-minute trailer in which not a word is uttered.
Silence can, as the movie attests, mean different things to different people. It can be a space for quiet reflection or a nation fraught with discomfort. There is a certain intimacy inherent in being silent with other people we usually do so merely with those closest to us. So there is something almost radical about the recent trend for enjoying stillnes with strangers.
Mariel Symeonidou started a regular silent reading party in Dundee simply under a year ago, in a moment of uncharacteristic extroversion. Readers bring their books and meet in a bar, where they read together in silence for an hour or sometimes two, then put the books away to chat and have a drink.
Having sex with person for the first time is super exciting, and there’s really no time frame for when it’s right.
There are times when I’ve hit it off with somebody so intensely that we’ve had sex on the first date. There are other days when we’ve gone on a few dates before doing it, and still others where we were friends for so long that we never had a date to begin with.
Feelings don’t stick to a strict schedule. That’s why I’ve learnedto tune into what’s going on with me, what kind of connect I’m sensing, and where I’m at physically as well.
These are the things that help me figure out whether or not I’m ready to have sex with person for the first time.
1. I Felt Comfortable
Before I have sex with somebody, I need to know that they are respectful of me. This includes firm confidence that they will pay attention to my borders and listen if I convey discomfort.
According to Dr. Nikki Goldstein, expert sexologist and author of, these boundaries vary depending on who you are.
For some people, sex on the first date or early on is fine, and the objective is comfortable with it. For others, they need to feel connected, intimate, and safe with person before they jump into bed, Dr. Goldstein told Elite Daily.
For me, these lines vary depending on how I’m feeling. Casually seeing someone versus looking to seriously date them also plays a role. There’s no incorrect boundary to set, though, and it’s important to listen to your intestine instinct, whether you’re heading out on your first date or your 31 st.
Feeling comfortable also entails knowing that the person goes into the bedroom with an open intellect, that they’re into providingpleasure to their partner and not just seeking their own, and that they’ll be appreciative of what happens , no matter what.
Obviously, this can’t all be gauged before actually going to bed with someone. But before I have sex with the person or persons I’m seeing, I wantto have a pretty good notion of how they’ll act in the bedroom.
2. I KnewThey Were EmotionallyInvested
Before I have sex with person, I don’t need to think that we are going to spend the rest of our lives together or anything. At this point, I doubt I’m guessing beyond the next week.
What I do need, though, is to feel like the person I am ensure is equally invested in me emotionally. I also need to be pretty confident that that investment isn’t going to disappear as soon as we have sex.
Of course, there is always a risk that a person who is attached at first will become emotionally unavailablelater. Paying close attention to their behavior over time should help you gauge whether or not you’re with a person who is going to flake.
I can tell whether or not a person is into me by insuring how they treat me. It’s definitely more about what they do than what a person tells. Does she respond to my text within a reasonable sum of period? Does he get in touch with me if I haven’t hit him up?
If I am in doubt about how a person feels aboutme well, it’s better to ask than to stay in the dark. Some people are shy or slow to answer. A simple question ahead of time can save you a lot of pain down the road.
3. I Felt Good About Myself With And Without Them
When I was younger, before I was fully in control of my sex life, I think there were definitely a few occasions where I rushed into sex to please the other person.
I didn’t have the best self-esteem when I was younger, and I’ll admit that sometimes, I had sexuality as a confidence boost. More often than not, however, this backfired.
Sometimes, this happened before we even talked about one another’s sex health a conversation that, these days, I feel is an absolute must.
I know I am ready to have sex with somebody when I’m not entirely focused on how they’ll think ofme in bed. If I am emotionally close to them and comfortable, I’ll be more interested in our reciprocal pleasure of each other.
And when it comes right down to it, I will have the confidence to know that it’s 99 percent likely that my partner will have a good time. If they don’t, I’ll also be in a place where I’m able to say that it’s them and not me.
4. I Felt In Control
When it’s the first time with somebody new, I know that if I feelin control of my wishes and my body, then the sexuality has a better likelihood ofnot being totally awkward.
Being nervous the first time you’re having sexuality with the person you’re find is pretty normal. You’re not familiar with their body, their predilections, and what feels good to them.
That’s actually kind of amazing because it means that this is your chance to communicate and begin to explore one another.
I’ve found that being out of control induces it seem a lot less amazing and a lot more clumsy. This is especially true if we have been drinking to appease our nerves.
Waking up feeling embarrassed in the morning because you don’t know what you said or did the night before is not a great feeling. It might even attain you feel like you have to run in shame from that person you were really into 12 hours ago.
Tune into what you want and find a way to stay in control and to soothe your own fears. Clue: It won’t be at the bottom of that bottle.
5. The Timing Was Right
There are certain times of the month when I’m just more into sexuality than others. I’ve learned to be patient with the process.
When I’m ovulating, for instance, I often get cysts. I know because I have a twing-y pain in my pelvis. This has induced sex truly painful in the past. It’s definitely not worth rushing into.
As for period sexuality, I’m entirely down if I’ve been with a person long enough to know that they won’tbe weirded out by it.
If they’re not? It causes a lot of hassle and will probably lead to me feeling resentful of the person or persons I’m seeing for not being more open minded.
While my boundaries might fall a few months after going steady, it takes time for that to happen. I want to be sure my body is in alignment with my intellect when I’m having sexuality with someone for the first time.
Trust me, I know it’s tough. When you’re really into somebody, you want to hop into bed right away. And while there’s no substitute for sexuality, just think about how much that anticipation is going to turn things up a notch when you ultimately do get into bed.
While it’s not sexuality, there’s nothing incorrect with a good, old-fashioned make-out sesh if you feel you only aren’t ready yet.