To The Person I Used To Be, This Year Will Be Better

The inevitable incompatibility of life does not and should not induce us incapable, but sometimes, it shrinks us that we want to go incognito.

Hey, how was 2016? Yep, I am talking to you. Let us put a line between the general 2016, which are the things that everyone( nearly) know; and the specific 2016, which is all about you. In hours of inexplicable various forms of proves, I am enlisting those that I have felt, have grieved, have ugly-cried, have solaced, and have settled inner peace with acceptance and letting go. Perhaps you could associate, maybe not. But life, when shared, helps us gain. So, we begin.

Life is not a word to define, but a meaning to be found . This year, I have sought things I thought were worth “re fighting”. Do not get me wrong, I still think that they are worth it. But when we have depleted all that we could do, what else is left but to relieve yourself of that exhaustion let it be. Because I have learned that for certain milestones to be found, all we need is to stand firm so long as we keep that posture, even if we are confused, answers merely are to be found to us.

I strolled tall, but still fell short. Who never felt letdown? Who never felt cheated ? Who never asked for vengeance? Who never actually plotted against someone, against a group of people? Were these things easy to do? Were they within a mans capacity? Of course! Though, however feelings build us do, if love and inner peace are with you, you can just say One day, it will all make perfect sense. Sure, its hard to be haunted by some actions we thought we couldve done, but its even harder to be haunted by the things we wouldve done out of anger or whatever but never fully understood their repercussions, until the right time comes, and repentance will never bring anything back.

Some may think they have taken everyTHING away from me, but not everyONE. Yep , noticed? Things that people take from us are wonderfully replaceable, but not the people we live with. Besides, people around our sphere of influence arent easy to count out. At night, before we lay ourselves down, when our emotions shrink to the quietest, loneliest part of our hearts, and once peace consoled, we could just say God, thank you, for letting them take almost everything away from me. It stimulated me realize having less is having more.

Deception is a reception based on half-blinded peoples perception. We tend to believe what we ensure, what people make us feel, what the world makes us habituate into, but the truth will always find its style home. While there are people who delude, there are also people who perceive, assess, and extrapolate. It is in allowing darkness that light can be recognized amidst all commotion. Pervert can be reverted, yknow.

Love is not blind . Sometimes, fog around us just makes us turn our backs but really, such person or persons sometimes is there, sitting right under your snout. Well, a volume writer said something like we want and dream of a love we thought we deserve. We will always find it interesting to be with someone. We find a great trigger within, and sometimes we arent really sure and that is okay, because the vehicle to receiving love is taking paths and a lot of times we get hurt in the process, but it doesnt construct life unfair. Acceptance that everything we fulfill is a lesson stimulates it easier. Even at your worst, love at your best.

I am not even half the person I used to be, and that is completely horrifying, but not strong enough to break me. I am not the ever-achiever person anymore. In fact, I feel so vulnerable these days. A plenty of things have changed. Irrespective of these, one thing I am assured of that what I have within are still with me. But the greatest thing sometimes is unlearning everything that attained me tough. Because when we allow vulnerability to take its place, we learn the capacity required to love genuinely , not thinking of everything that we see as a mere business that needs to be fulfilled with measurable targets and create a defined outcome. Life was never like that. I was never a business. I am a human.

Hey are you okay? That was okay. You were okay. You are still okay. You are get by, passers-by still knock against you, you still smile randomly to people “youve never” know, and you are still strolling tall, my former self! Sometimes, indignation gets into us but I think it gets balanced with dignity and principle that we live by. Its easy to lose sight of things whenever it is saddened and belittled by our own feelings at a certain moment, but if we keep going , no matter how random and hopeless it may seem, we will find what we are looking for.

I know, you dont want to be alone . I know, you are afraid. More than ever, this time of your life is far more sure this is right who you are and what you could offer, but having more uncertain people coming in is jeopardize. Worry not, things always get better in time. So, what if people use you for their own sake? Nobody is perfect anyway. Well, what Im saying is dont be harsh on yourself. As you mentioned, you are not the same person from your past. Well, congratulations, you only released yourself from the shackles of a dark past. But heed this you will never be able to walk past to the future if you keep on perfecting your present and thinking restlessly about what lies ahead. It wasnt about schemes, you know that, alright? Sometimes, you have to be a lone soul to survive, but you were never alone.

2016 is more than you could take
, according to you. But you still inhale, you still laugh, you still have your loved ones, you still know your craft, and you still have a person that stimulates you happy. Perhaps, this is not a letter to your former self maybe this is a letter to your future self, that one day, when you are able to read this again, you will have mixed emotions and say Lord, had it not been for pain, I will never be who I am today; for every ache, there is gain; for every gain, there is glory; and for every glory, there is peace.

So go, and live.

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16 Difficult Things About Growing Up As An Old Soul

1. Not dating much because you didnt like anyone your age. Adults chalked it up to kids your age just being immature, but as time has gone on, youve discovered that, in fact, those were their actual personalities, and perhaps they have even worsened over time.

2. Not realizing what it means to be empathic and then finding yourself in emotional turmoil for almost no reason. After years of trying to decipher why you feel the way you feel, youve come to the conclusion that you dont. You simply adopted the mindsets, assumptions or even emotional reactions of those around you.

3. Having a good deal of social anxiety not because you were disconnected from reality, but because you were so hyper-conscious of what people could think or how they could respond you always felt as though you should be on your toes.

4. Being teased for liking things that were too intense or odd. You were moved by the orchestra in Celine Dion songs and Jane Eyre and truly, nobody could understand why, you little martian.

5. Being a homebody when the cool thing was to party. Its not even so much that there werent parties, or that you werent invited, but that you sincerely did not enjoy yourself when you went.

6. Anxiously waiting for adulthood, and wanting, more than anything else, just to do what the grown ups did. You were the kid who hated sitting at the kids table. You played house and wanted to drive and sign receipts and wheel a kids size grocery cart around the store like you were shopping for real. There was nothing particularly appealing about any one of these things, other than you just had an irrational desire to do them.

7. Getting your heart broken young. Old souls love hard and completely and so going through the typical motions of adolescence: heartbreak, for instance, is much more of an ordeal for you, simply because you feel it so much more intensely.

8. Feeling as though you werent quite made for the world you live in. When youre young, this translates into one of the worst feelings ever, but when youre older you learn to see it as more of a gift than anything else (who would want to fit into a lot of this #dark world? Not you.)

9. Worrying from a young age. About anything. About everything. About mostly irrational, completely preventable, totally solvable things. Its like worrying is just part of your DNA or, more honestly, its how you create a feeling of safety. (If youve thought through the worst possible outcome, youll be ok).

10. Seeming closed off not because youre a distant person, but because youre too sensitive. If you were hurt one too many times as a kid, you closed yourself off to people and it seemed as though you were the quiet one, or the cold one, or the one who didnt like to cuddle, when in reality, you were just protecting yourself (and probably still are).

11. You always had the answers or even better ideas but nobody took you seriously because of your age. It was the most frustrating thing in the world, to just know what to do but see people value the thoughts, ideas and opinions of people older than you only because they were older than you. You learned early on that physical age is not synonymous with intuition, empathy, creativeness or general intelligence.

12. Being hyper-sensitive to that which other people dont seem to be bothered by. Like big crowds or off-hand comments by a teacher you were often called over-dramatic or too sensitive, because what other people perceived to be an appropriate response wasnt aligned with yours.

13. Generally going through a lot of emotional turmoil early on in life. Lost friends, difficult home situations old souls are built from these things. Why? Because the way a soul ages is through experience. The more you go through, the more you learn.

14. Your mom/grandma was (is) your best friend. It was just kind of natural to feel more like your moms friend (and sometimes voice of wisdom) than it was her child that needed to be parented. You bonded with people older than you in a way that other kids your age just didnt.

15. You took everything too seriously, and came to find that what people call taking things too seriously is code for caring a lot and maybe being successful, which is an inherently threatening thing. You look back on your life now and think: I wasnt taking myself seriously enough.

16. You struggled to navigate your overactive intuition. You couldnt tell the difference between an intuitive nudge or just a little overthinking.

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