I don’t know you. I don’t know your narrative or your past.I don’t know the heart breaking or confusion or conflict in your life. I don’t know if you’re having relationships a matter that hurt and confuse and steal your elation. I don’t know if you’re struggling with your child and the role of parenthood has beaten you down. I don’t know the trauma or abuse or intestine wrenching rawness you’re going through.
I don’t know you. But I do know something about you.
I know your tale is worthy. I know you’re able to heal, to rise from the ashes and become the person or persons you were created to be. I know that with a little support, you’ll be back on your feet and the frightening cloud of inner distress will be lifted.
I’ve sat in the offices of five different therapists in my life time. I don’t seem the type to want a therapist. I don’t have any abuse in my past. I come from a happy home with loving mothers. I’ve sat across from many therapists, waiting for me to unleash my supposed repressed memories of a painful childhood- but I simply don’t have any.
But what I do have is this anxiety, this panic, this depression, that grips it’s long, jagged fingernails tightly into the walls of brain, making it hard to breathe or insure straight or feel normal. The medication built me sicker than my nervousnes did, so I went to therapy instead.
I’ve sat across from all types of therapists. Male, female, old, young, black, white, free, professional, cognitive behavior therapists, counselors, talkative, quiet…the list goes on. I’ve had good therapists…and I’ve had very bad therapists.
But I’m here to tell you something important. There is NO SHAME in discovering counseling, therapy, wisdom, subsistence. There is NO SHAME in telling someone you meet with a therapist or counselor. There is NO SHAME in attempting help. There is NO SHAME in realizing you need an unbiased third party.
In fact, it’s the bravest thing you can do. The ultimate sort of self-care. The champion of natural redress. Opening up to a stranger is frightening. But I’m telling you…it’s worth it. It is. You’ll find this version of yourself that you didn’t realize you had in you- one that is brave, and worthy of healing from feelings that gnaw at you.
Realize it is GOOD to talk about the wounds that haunt you.
An highly dear friend recently told him that ” All people could benefit from going to counseling. The smart people actually go .”
Be a smart person. Take the first step. You can do it. It’s worth it. I promise.
1. Stop letting people tell you how you should live.
Or what you should wear or who you should date or what you should eat.
2. Stop letting people drain your energy.
Detach yourself from these people and dont invite their negativity into your life.
3. Stop letting people pry into your personal life.
People who have no business being in your life in the first place. Maintain your distance from those who only want to gossip about you.
4. Stop letting people make fun of your dreams.
Small intellects discuss small ideas, if you want to dream big, you have to surround yourself with people who believes in dreams or people who have stimulated their dreamings come true.
5. Stop letting people fool you twice .
If someone convinced you theyve changed and you dont believe it, dont give them a second opportunity. You will only be to yourself.
6. Stop letting people give you the advice theyre not taking.
If they dont practise what they preach, dont listen to them. They probably dont want what’s best for them to know what’s best for you.
7. Stop letting people pinpoint your failures.
Sadly, some people feel better about themselves when they belittle others. Dont give them that power. Stand your ground or walk away for good.
8. Stop letting people induce “youre feeling” unlovable.
People who keep telling you how difficult you are or why you need to change. You are a work in progress and some people love you and embrace your mess. Stick to those people. They are
9. Stop letting people take advantage of your kindness.
Or demand all your time. Be a good friend but always know when you are being taken for granted.
10. Stop letting people steer you away from your passion.
Because its crazy or unrealistic or doesnt pay the bills. Dont let them stop you from seeking your
11. Stop letting people pressure you with time.
People love timelines and deadlines. Do your best and let God take care of the timing of your life.
12. Stop letting people label you.
Vulnerable. Emotional. Crazy. Indecisive. Complicated. People love labels but that doesnt mean you should them. Hurl away their labels.
13. Stop letting people talk you out of your ideas.
You have to take risks and take a leap of faith. Dont share all your ideas with people who will not understand them.
14. Stop letting people blame you for what goes wrong in their life.
Dont let people scapegoat you for their shortcomings.
15. Stop letting people take more than their share in your life.
At the end of the working day, people can unintentionally drain you or let you down. When someone is pushing their opinion on you, remember that you do not “re going to have to” it.
Its been a long time since Ive written anything. And while my aims were to blog every fortnight, this post has been extremely tough to write. For once I saw it very difficult to articulated my feelings and experiences, because of the personal nature of what I’m about to tell you.
A few weeks ago, I found myself chatting to one of my new friends, who is also an amazing business coach-and-four and mentor. He asked me how things were going aside from business, how are you feeling, just in general ?. I thought about it and said, did you know, this is the first time in five years that Ive been able to sleep without taking a pill?
Insomnia has been affecting my ability to sleep properly since late 2010. It was kicked off by a freak hockey ball to the head incident, which then transpired into mental health problems( thanks, brain ). Around 1 in 3 people have or have had some degree of insomnia in “peoples lives”. For an unlucky few( like me) insomnia is/ was chronic. If youre one of them and are reading this, know that its okay, there IS a way out.
Back in 2010 I got a wild smack to the forehead from a fast flying hockey ball, I was briefly knocked out and I opened my eyes not even realizing what had happened, but bizarrely, I was chuckling! It wasnt until I felt the huge hunk on my head that it abruptly reach me( hah, pun aimed ). Soon after this, I had developed intense trouble sleeping and experienced extreme headaches and photophobia.
In my traditional headstrong style I refused to go to the doctor, that was a bad decision. Months afterwards things seemed to be getting worse in my head space. After seeing a bunch of specialists and get an MRI and all that, it was concluded that I had Post Concussion Syndrome( a minor kind of traumatic brain injury ).
Because of this, my health took a drastic downward spiraling. I was lethargic, had constant headaches, was depressed, annoyed, and slightly delusional. The doctors prescribed me dozens of analgesics to cope. I was studying a BMA at the time, and working so I could afford to live out of home and life spun out of my control. The brain does crazy things when it experiences trauma, and for a long long time I was not myself.
I was enrolled in a national head trauma study. They interviewed me about the events and my experiences, then they interviewed some of my friends and family. Every six months my reaction time and short-term memory were tested, as well as my mood and general quality of life. It took virtually two years for me to get back to normal. I dont know why it was such a long time, perhaps some people are more susceptible to these kinds of things. A plenty of people in my family battle with mental illness. But even when I was feeling better, I still had to rely on medication to sleep.
Luckily for me, my doctors had refused to give me traditional sleeping capsule such as Zopiclone, because of their addictive qualities. That was penalty by me, I never intended to be stuck taking pills before bed. But no matter how hard I tried, I couldnt survive without them. At first it was Amitriptyline, a drug in high doses used to treat depression, but I was on it for headaches and as a muscle relaxant.
Sometime after I finished my degree in late 2012, I changed physicians due to not having access to the medical center on campus. My new doctor tried to wean me off taking the drug, I was all in. But it only didnt work. I went back to him after slowly reducing my intake at his guidance and tried a few months without anything. In mid-2 013 I had more responsibility with my job which added some stress, and without any pills before bed I was get between 1 and 5 hours sleep a night. I got sick a lot, gained a lot of weight, my mood was unstable, and I was quickly becoming very unhappy.
So I went back to my doctor, I was attempting to tell him that I still havent been able to sleep but I sat there weeping in his office because I was just so exhausted and frustrated. I just wanted sleep. He recommended putting me through a sleep survey and to consider a sleep therapist, but this wasnt subsidized and I wasnt financially able to pay for such expensive tests( startup wages, am I right ?). So, I opted for the easier just for now alternative. We tried something new, Quetiapine, an antipsychotic narcotic which in high doses is used to treat people who are bipolar or schizophrenic. I didnt get a large dosage, only small enough to help me sleep. But even then I woke up every morning with a drug hangover and it took me hours every day before I could feel totally awake.
I lived like this for a long time, always having to take a pill before bed. Sometimes that didnt even work. I vividly remember how I felt after a huge hike over NZs Tongariro Crossing and then the 2-hour drive home. I was so tired, so depleted after that I could hardly eat. I was thinking surely, surely I am this tired I must be able to sleep. But then as soon as my head hit the pillow my mind became awake, overactive and as much as I tried, I couldnt settle it down. A few hours later I begrudgingly get up and gulped down that damn pill, desperate for the relief of sleep.
This is when I started researching sleeping techniques. Over the past year and a half I have tried everything; yoga, meditation, walkings in the evening, less coffee, less sugar, evening protein, writing down to-do lists and thoughts in a publication beside my bed, sleep tea, calm tea, chamomile tea, peppermint tea, Chinese herbs, sleep fells, lavender under my pillow, hops under my pillow, sleep apps with meditation, hypnosis, screen dimmers, installing Flux on my computer, melatonin , no screens( mobile, Tv, Computer) two hours before bed , non-fictional reading before bed, homeopathy only everything.
Sometimes it would help, Id feel sleepy, try to drift off, then all of a sudden my mind would wake, even though Id be so so physically tired. I didnt know it was possible to feel so depleted and awake at the same day. So I would carry on using my little pills to sleep and feeling hungover in the morning. I disliked it, I never truly felt awake in all that time. And if I ever went somewhere and forgot my pills Id always get restless nights with little or no sleep.
A lot of time went past, living like this. After deciding to leave Hamilton to travel, I ended up in Perth, Australia. By the time I got here my little box of magic sleeping pills from New Zealand had run out. I attempted fate once more and tried to cold turkey my style to sleep. It truly wasnt working out for me. The smallest noise, a single gues, any slight disorder would define me off and my intellect would begin racing once more. No matter what I did, I simply couldnt sleep. There is nothing worse or more hopeless than the feeling of wanting and needing sleep so badly but you only cant get there and you realise your own mind is the only barrier to falling asleep. I recollect guessing, how hopeless am I that I cant even perform the simple human function of sleeping ?.
The one good thing that came out of these few weeks was my deep inner search for a reason. I didnt feel like my head injury was the cause of not being able to sleep, it just seemed like some sort of instigator. Im not going to share the details, but what I realise was that I had become afraid of sleep, and everything else was just an excuse.
I aimed up insuring a wonderful physician here who prescribed me some medication to sleep again and referred me to a counselor who specialized in sleep therapy. I gladly took the drug and debated whether I was ready for a counselor. I wanted to overcome my insomnia on my own( I had only just started acknowledging that this is really what I had ), but sometimes you cant do everything on your own, sometimes you need to accept that you need a bit of a helping hand. And this is what I did.
The first conference with my counselor was amazing. She knew what had happened without me having to say much, she said it and I sat there and exclaimed. I exclaimed as years of pent up emotion and holding back only escaped from me and it was so alleviate. Her hypothesi was I had developed an unconscious fear of sleeping because I lose control over myself and have to give in to the environment around me. I didnt feel. Of course, I knew logically that I was safe, but there was a deep anxiety within me that I had never “lets get going” of, a blocked memory; trauma. It had nothing to do with my head trauma, that was a catalyst, as well as some other events that happened between then and now.
And so started my road to recovery. I went to the counselor once a fortnight. We didnt just talk about sleeping, we talked about a lot and it was really nice. I ultimately discovered an app that helped ease me into the sleeping mind-frame, Pzizz. Every morning within half an hour of waking up I get at least an hour of exert outside. If not, I try to sit in the sun for 20 minutes or be active in some other route. I dont drink coffee after 3pm and limit myself to two a day( on bad days ). I dont have much processed sugar, I write to-do lists every day in my diary so I dont lie in bed and think about everything I have to remember to do tomorrow. My bedroom has become an area for sleep every time I watch something on my laptop in bed it affects the amount and quality of sleep I get, so Ive stopped doing that.
Routines are also very important I do the same thing before bed every night. I also try to stick to the same hours, but Im still learning to sleep so I havent been using an alarm, just trying to slowly get back into the right rhythm. Right now I usually fall asleep between 12 am, wake up at about 6, then go back to sleep until 9 or 10. Its not the pattern I love, and I still have many days where some nights are better than others, but Im getting there, Im improving and Im not giving up.
My mood has become better, my skin clearer, Im no longer getting sick every few weeks and my focus levels are at an all-time high. I still have a lot of work to do, but for the first time in over four years I can sleep without drug, and it feels so damn good.
1. For you, the dreaded Freshman Fifteen had little to do with brew and a lot to do with unlimited frozen yogurt after every. Damn. Meal. Ice cream? Here? Now? AS MUCH AS I WANT? You cant be serious.
2. If only subconsciously, you still kinda select friends based on their snack collects . This tactic is surely adopted from a highly similar elementary school tactic, where youd befriend the cool children whose parents set Fruit Roll-Ups in their lunches. 3. Honestly, Fruit Roll-Ups are extremely important to you . You have no dishonor in facing them to this day, because you were actively denied them as a child. In fact, you pregamed breakfast with two this very morning. 4. You have an astounding ability to eat 4 Chips Ahoy! cookies in one mouthful , and in college, that mouthful often accounts for your~ appetizer course .~ 5. You still mythologize Lunchables . Youve likely never had one because, like, your mothers didnt want you to have a childhood. And it seems a little weird to enter the Lunchables game at 21 years old. So they remain a thing of legend. 6. Your mini fridge is stuffed with snacks for any visitors who might come through . You still remember the stale stench of awkwardness that lingered in your family kitchen when you and a playdate hankered for snacks, but the most exciting foods you could offer were Kashi and dried cranberries. 7. You have multiple burns on your tongue from the scorching lava cakes commonly known as Pizza Rolls . These burns date between fourth grade and present day. None were met with regret. 8. Today, a healthy desert features a medley of sugary cereals from the cafeteria . As small children, the most health subversive cereal you were allowed was Wheaties( not organic ). If a friends mothers let Fruit Loops in the house, that friend was a sleepover buddy for life, indeed. 9. You dread your habits of doing gross shit with sugary treats wont be well received in the real world . You still divide Oreos, for example, in order to create a giant white mass of the cream portion, that can be eaten as a TOTALLY SEPARATE course from the cookie component. 10. The first time you savoured a cinnamon roll was likely drunk( or hungover) sometime during freshman year . Its been argued that it was the single most pleasurable moment of your life. 11. Youre famous in your dorm/ house for crafting genuinely bizarre snack combos . Ketchup on crackers. Nutella on pizza crust. When you were young, youd take what alarmingly few exciting snack alternatives you could find, and attain the best of a critically* high fiber, all natural, low fat, low sodium, high protein, enclosure free* kind of a situation.
12. When preparing your favorite dinner, Annies mac& cheese, youve been known to snack on the pulverized white cheddar before the water reaches a rolling boil. As a kid, that pretty much tasted like delicious, salty rebellion, and youd eat it plain.
13. No, you have not stopped trick or treating/ accepting candy from strangers on Halloween . Youre making up for the lost hour/ Reeses Piece your papa would throw away exactly one week after the holiday.
14. You lately had your first KFC experience. It lived up to literally all of your expectations. Every. Single. One.
15. Soda might be the one junk item youve never genuinely fetishized . For the majority of members of kidhood, your parents had you genuinely convinced that seltzer was soda. Now it’s just too damn sweet, even for you.
16. Although youve never genuinely understood the anti-crust moment, to this day, you can never turn down an Uncrustables those soft, circular, individually packed peanut butter and jelly sandwiches that, as a kid, youd manage to steal at least five of if they ever made an appearance on a field trip.
17. Your friends give you shit for being bougie when it is necessary to groceries, though ; as much as you revel in formerly proscribed snackage, youre still prone to* store organic* for your entre.
1. Love is using each others razors or deodorant because it induces “youre feeling” closer in some weird style you can’t quite explain.
2. It’s also laughing over how bad your farts stink, and sometimes arguing feverishly over whose farts stink more.
3. It’s calling your significant other out for being an asshole, or letting them slide for their asshole behavior because they had a no-good, horrible, very bad day and they need a permission slip-up to be a dick temporarily.
4. Its negotiating constantly over ridiculous matters, and attaining silly bargains. For instance,” Ill consent to those questionable hurl pillows you agree to those kitchen towels I like .”
5. Its debating which TV indicate you should watch together next, and claiming the human rights of opinion certain programs alone so you can’t be accused of TV-cheating later.
6. Its giving your significant other a two-minute back rub before falling asleep even if youre depleted simply because they ask you to( and you know they’re good for the massage credit ).
7. Its establishing life-enhancing household rules like No Telephones At The Dinner Table Ever. And punishing each other appropriately on the occasions either of you contravenes an agreed upon stipulation.
8. Its looking into each others eyes whenever possible, recognizing also that eye contact is generally more powerful than anything that comes out of either of your mouths.
9. Its spending ten minutes neither of you has lazing about in bed some mornings after the alarm rings before you pick up your phones and dive into the day ahead.
10. Its telling your significant other that they appear sexy before they even ask for your opinion on the days you sense they could use the ego boost.
11. Its recollecting when your boyfriend or girlfriend has an important meeting and offering a canned but meaningful good luck as they head out the door.
12. Then remembering to text them an appropriately uplifting, emoji-ridden message right before that meeting occurs.
13. And preparing to support them no matter the outcome of that big important session because you’ve committed to being there whatever the fuck happens.
14. Its preemptively doing tiny little things to attain one another happy, like putting the laundry in the dryer even if you didnt start the wash, or tidying up the closet even if you didnt generate that hideous mess.
15. Its doing the dishes when its not your turning because you can sense that your partner might benefit from heading directly to the couch right after dinner.
16. Its saying thank you for every little thing your partner does for you. And sometimes, saying it for no apparent reason, without prompting, because you genuinely feel grateful for the life you’ve built together.
17. Its sighing slash smiling over the fact that your partner failed, yet again, to put the toothpaste or the salt or the remote control back in its designated place after utilizing itnot because they didn’t think to do so, but because they know exactly how to push your buttons.
18. It’s letting your boyfriend or girlfriend utilize you as an excuse to get out of something they don’t want to do.” Sorry, can’t make it to dinner.[ Insert s/ o’s name] is sick with the flu. Again .”
19. It’s entertaining your partner’s friends when they pop by unexpectedly, even when hosting is the last thing in the world you feel like doing.
20. It’s taking a genuine interest in each other’s hobbiesreading up about motorcycles or stamp collecting or football or whatever else tickles your significant otherjust so you can ask each other questions that demonstrate you care enough to research shit you don’t really care about.
21. It’s attaining up words so you can speak in your very own couple’s code.
22. Its encouraging one another to attain smart eating choices and to exert regularly because teamwork constructs maintaining healthy habits so much simpler.
23. It’s also attaining bad choices togetherlike gong for ice cream on a full belly or finishing a second or third bottle of wine on a weeknightfor the hell of it because indulging as a twosome is doubly satisfying.
24. Its saying I love you at apparently random moments, and then casually returning to whatever else you were just doing.
25. Its reminding each other that youre luck to be togetherand that you can’t imagine life without the option to collapse into each other’s limbs whenever.
Ah, New Years Eve. The evening of little miracles. Take away the dazzling fireworks, the celebrations, the drinking and the countdowns and what you are left with is hope. Small human hope. The hope of better days, of fresh starts, and perhaps, if you are very lucky, a kiss. But it also has an ugly side. For some of us, it is the time of the year when all of our anxieties and doubts converge with the enormous weight of the world and all of the pressure becomes too much. It is the time of the year we can begin to feel obliged to induce big dramatic resolutions and implement significant change in our lives.
But why? Why should we mark a single day in our calendars to commit ourselves to ventures that promise to stimulate us happier or healthier? Shouldnt these be objectives we seek all year round? And furthermore, are these kinds of once-off commitments genuinely helpful?
No, I dont believe any of us should emphasize so much about constructing up our intellects and resolving on a route or direction for 2016. The division of time into years is a human invention, and fact is, every minute of every day is a brand new opportunity for resolving and growth. Real, genuine change or accomplishment can rarely trace its origins back to a single decision, rather, it comes about organically and over period, slowly gathering strength through a sustained and conscious endeavour, and by remaining motivated and true to your cause. There is no need to cheapen your hopes and dreams by reducing them to half-hearted, one line slogans you will rapidly forget. Instead, understand that there is nothing to be frightened of. That this coming year, like any other, will arrive a single day at a time, and any challenges you may face can be overcome in small manageable chunks. That you are able fail, time and time again, but there will always be another opportunity in tomorrow to make amends, to get back up on your feet and try again. Recognise that its not the resolutions you induce once a year that matter, but the ones you construct with every single breath.
So, when the clock ten-strikes twelve, the glasses are clinked, and the fireworks fly to mark the close of 2015, relaxthink back on all you have achieved over the course of the past year, and take a moment to enjoy the company of your loved ones. Take it easy, and celebrate for a moment, the remainder will come to you.
So you dated someone and thought he was the one! Awarded, you thought the delivery guy who accidentally grazed your limb as he handed you the pizza was also the one, but thats beside the point.
If youre anything like mesomeone who obsesses over a hot barista just because they spell your name right several months in a rowyoure likely currently struggling to get over person you dated, even if you two were only official in your head.
Below are some tips-off on how to get over person , no matter how long you actually dated or how serious the relationship was.
STEP 1: CUT OFF ALL COMMUNICATION
After a breakup there is always one person who suggests remaining friends. But you cant move on if the past is persisting nearby.
Delete his number if necessary, unfollow him on all social media platforms if it hurts too much to see him in your feeds, and block his number if you think youll end up texting him after 19 tequila shots at happy hour.
And dont run generating fake accounts and still stalk him after I merely “ve told you” not to! Its bad for your health. Im serious Barbara!
STEP 2: Yell, LIKE, A LOT
Youre like Huh? Do you even know what youre talking about?
I mean, likely not.
But I believe that you need to cry. You need to connect with your feelings. Cry about why it didnt work up, yell about how much you wish it had, scream because right now feels like the end of the world because youre mourning the death of a relationship.
F* ck it.
Have a breakdown at the DMV! Cry at Starbucks when they spell your name wrong. Cry at a random wedding that you werent even invited to. Scream it out at all the most inappropriate moments because this is your time to let it all out.
Give yourself permission to feel and to scream until youve got nothing left to cry about.
Take all the time you need and do not mask your feelings since that they are able to just prolong the process of getting over this 2-day or 2-year relationshit.
STEP 3: GET A HOBBY
The best style to distract yourself is to get busy and get a hobby.
No, stalking all of his social media platforms is NOT a pastime( Seriously Barbra, chill the f* ck out ). I dont know why we look at things we know will hurt us. Maybe some of us are just addicted to the ache and its all we know but wouldnt it be nice to feel something other than emotional pain for once? I think so!
Is eating a pastime ?? Wow, you really dont know how boring you are until you realize that your only two hobbies are feeing and staring at your cat.
All gags aside try and become obsessed over something new instead of your ex whether its a better diet, working out, masturbating, volunteering, your career or a new dick with a side of dick. The options are endless!
For me, writing my impressions down genuinely helped move on along with wine and my cat. Also masturbating and Netflix and chocolate, lots of chocolate.
Ok, Ill stop.
STEP 4: DONT REACT TO ANYTHING
This is something I am really bad atbut hey, learn from my mistakes.
So you run into him at a bar and although he has smells like he hasnt showered in weeks and hes starting to go bald and you could literally floss your teeth with everything that body hair, to you he is the same do-no-wrong angel you fell in love with.
Whatever the reason hes abruptly on your intellect, DO NOT REACT. Do not give him the satisfaction of knowing that you care. You will only invite more sorrow by engaging him in any context because then you will have to start the mourning process ALL OVER AGAIN. And trust me, this time WILL NOT BE DIFFERENT. You are over for a reason, you do not need 734 more tries and 1065 embarrassing texts to figure that out!
Do not give into the alcohol or that voice in your vagina telling you that you need him. You DO NOT need him! What you need is some ice cream, a vibrator, and Netflix.
STEP 5: GET YOUR ASS OUT OF THE HOUSE
My first instinct after a breakup is to stay home and feel sorry for myself. Unfortunately, that results me to sit for hours investigating the relationship and then cry out for hours then binge feed then yell again then stalk my ex on social media which follows by more tears till I fall asleep with food in my hair.
What you need to do is put something sexy on and force yourself to go out. If clubbing isnt your thing then only have a girls night in and bond with your friends. One big mistake girls build is drop their friends when they get a boyfriend, dont be that girl. You will regret it.
Being around friends will distract you and help you remember to smile and laugh. You Require your girlfriends, and you need to remember what its like to giggle and be happy.
If you need to giggle but your friends are assholes, theres always @daddyissues_ on Instagram!
STEP 6: FIND YOURSELF A REBOUND
To be honest, Ive tried to rebound with another guy before I was ready and objective up getting attached to the rebound dude and then weeping over two guys simultaneously, which was super exhausting and terrible for my mental health.
But when I got my cat Pancakes after a breakup, it ran. Pancakes was my rebound! I focused on my cat, my work, my friends, and myself instead of rebounding with another dude.
But if youre more into get your pickle tickled then join a dating site like christianmingle.com or glutenfreelovers.com and go out there and get yourself a rebound guy! Let this dude show you what a real orgasm is like while he bangs all those pesky impressions youre harboring for your ex right out of your vagina.
But dont get attached because then youll just “re going to have to” re-read this whole blog again.
STEP 7: FORGIVE YOUR EX
I know this sounds silly, but its true: As long as you hold a grudge towards your ex, you wont be able to move on. Half of the time its our ego that isnt letting us move on. Disliking someone takes a lot more energy than you think. It means that you still have strong feelings for this person and that he still has a hold on you.
Now, to be clear, I am not telling you to contact your ex and let him know that youve forgiven him! Please dont do that because youre just going to end up having sexuality with him and then youre going to be like, so what are we? And hes going to be like, my new girlfriend is about to come home, pat you on the head, thank you for the sex, and send you on your style to Starbucks to break down again.
What I am suggesting is that you forgive him in your head. Realise that the damage has been done and there is nothing anyone can do to mend it. You have to accept the pain hes caused you and let it go in order to move on.
Working through your impressions towards this person will help you rebuild your identity as someone who can thrive without that guy.
STEP 8: TRUST THAT TIME HEALS
Honestly, this step is probably the hardest since period slows down when youre heartbroken. I know its clich, but it really is true: Time heals everything!( except herpes ).
When I was going through my first breakup, I screamed myself to sleep for weeks and every night before bed I would persuade myself that I was over him until the working day I woke up and I really was over him. I stopped screaming and started thinking about him less and less until the working day I actually felt nothing when I find a picture of him.
STEP 9: LOVE YOURSELF
THIS IS THE MOST IMPORTANT STEP.
Heartbreak can really crush your self-esteem and while were dealing with the damage of a breakup we sometimes forget to focus on ourselves.
I want you to look at yourself in the mirror and see how beautiful you are. I want you to remember how great you arethat you dont need anyone else to complete you because you complete yourself.
I want you to become everything youve ever wanted to be while you move on from a relationship that wasnt right for you. I want you to stop being negative and blaming yourself for why it didnt work out. It was not your faulting, you are perfect merely the route you are. There was nothing you could have done better, get that thought out of your head.
Once you start focusing on loving yourself, you will begin to attract good energy and the right people will enter your life. When you least expect it, you will find a new love, a better love. But hopefully you will first find it with yourself.
There comes a time in our mid twenties when abruptly all the people you knew and loved and barely said a word to in 9 th grade biology class start getting engaged.
You think to yourself a variety of things such as, When did they even get an S/ O? and Wow they can do better to even I can barely feed myself three times a day or fold my laundry and these people CAN HANDLE A WHOLE OTHER PERSON ATTACHED TO THEM ALL THE TIME?
So here are the 10 buffoon proof steps to follow if you plan on getting engaged and screaming to the world I’M CHANGING MY TAX FORMS!
1 . Post a picture of spontaneous moment taken by a. some lurking friend or b . Professional engagement photographer if youre fancy. This must be at the top of a hiking trail, a beach, or scenic city. If not might as well not even hold yourself a HUMAN WORTHY OF LOVE.
2 . Post a scene announcing you are going to marry your best friend. This of course is replacing your actual life long best friend who you now no longer need since you are oh so to be marriage. Remember that romantic partners come before everybody else in their own lives. Romantic love is the most important thing in the world and if no one wants to marry you; you die from pathetic loneliness.
3 . Post a image proclaiming you are now the future Mr. Or Mrs. Whatever and throw away your last name. This goes for all sexualities. Bonus points if you keep it you progressive thing you! This must be written in fancy script on a rustic chalk board otherwise your name becomes I AM SHIT # 245642 on your birth certificate.
4 . Post a picture of your hand with THE Ring. Become the hand model youve always wanted to be. Clutch it, exhales on it, and if anyone tries to touch it shriek and hiss and go back to your hideaway in the bumpy mountainous abyss.
5 . Post a picture of you and your spouse together on this special day! Make sure you pose in such a way that communicates you will be boring mothers in 5-10 years.
6 . DONT. STOP. POSTING. EVER. The day is now for likes, loves, and wows. No one will ever give you this much attention than this year of their own lives again. The institution operates real deep and were all automatically obligated as humen to like people happy events.
7 . Post a status about how much you love your family and friends for all the subsistence and congrats. Genuinely drag it out; dont doubt yourself sunshine, youre the superstar of the prove!
8 . Reinforce to these same friends and family that this is the biggest accomplishment of your life and not your doctorate thesis, or community award, or Nobel peace prize. You dirty ole ragged thing discovered someone to schtup you on a regular basis for a while! Its truly something.
9 . Record the dress/ suit shopping, the planning, the bridal party invites( so everyone knows which friends get snubbed and destined to their fate as lowly regular guests ), the bridal rain invites, the golden rain invites, and every time you take a shit because now that shit is ENGAGED.
10 . Always remember to make sure you put the GAG in ENGAGED so people like me can be hilarious and bitter for the rest of our sad sad lives!
Life is chaotic sometimes. Just as you think everything is going swimmingly, something happens that sends you out of whack. It stimulates you a little bit adrift and this unsettling feeling is hard to shake. Whether its losing your job, your SO, or even if your favorite coffee shop closes down( yes, this would suck for me ), its important to take a step back, exhale and surrender.
I always get into a funk when my life goes off balance. Sometimes I feel like Ive taken one step forwards and two steps back. Thats when I stop and realise,
It’s okay.
Its okay to feel behind, its okay not to be okay, but at the same hour its important to pick yourself up. I give myself 10 emotional minutes in a day if I need it, then I get up and remind myself that I am a gangster( with a matcha latte and a yoga mat ).
Accept.
We want to control everything around us, the situations and the person or persons, but youve got to remember that you cant control every aspect of your life. Dont waste your energy into things you cant control. Instead, utilize that energy to get yourself closer to those goals and being the best version of yourself.
Trust.
Trust in life and trust in yourself. Trust that where you are at in your life at the moment is the right thing and the thing this is necessary most. Dont compare your life to others, everyone is on an individual journey and is on a completely different route and scrolling through your feed upon social media isnt going to stimulate you feel better if you think everyone is ahead of you. Life isnt a race so slow down.
Learn.
Learn from the struggles, falls, heartache, heartbreak, loss, and endings. Because when something ends, a new thing begins. Learn from the people who have come into your life and left, learn from the people who are still here, learn from your experiences good and bad, and most of all learn from yourself.
Celebrate.
We all have objectives that we one day trying to achieve, but in the meantime celebrate your small wins and keep yourself motivated. Focusing on only the big goal can be daunting at times when you think youre not getting closer to it, so look at each step as a tick in the box, getting you that much closer to your goals and go and have that glass of wine and celebrate( any excuse for a tipple ).
Be grateful.
Be grateful for everything in your life. Acknowledge the good no matter how small. You woke up this morning and have another chance at life, you have great friends and family, you have a roof over your head whatever it is, be grateful.
Remember, life is amazing, then awful. And then its amazing again. And in between the amazing and the awful, its ordinary and mundane and routine. Breathe in the amazing, hold on through the nasty, and relax and exhale during the course of its ordinary. Thats just living, heart-breaking, soul-healing, astounding, nasty, ordinary life and its breathtakingly beautiful.
1. Weve all had them and you are not alone .
