Getting ghosted is easily one of the most serious feelings in the world.
Sure, the act itself, and its aftereffects, are bad for both parties involved, but the person beingghosted is always the one left in limbo, wondering what exactly happened.
Where did things go wrong? What did that they do that caused the ghosting? Is there anyway they could’ve changed the turn of events?
If you’ve been a victim to ghosting, kicked to the kerb with no response, odds are you’ve held( or are currently considering) reaching out to the person that ghosted you for an explanation.
But that’s the thing: Should you? Is it even worth it?
So, before you going hitting the send button, ask yourself these threequestionsbefore making up your ghoster one more time 😛 TAGEND
1. What Am I Hoping To Gain From This?
Have an honest moment with yourself before you decide to text someone that ghosted you and ask: What do I truly want?
Are you looking for a reconnection? Are you just looking to get some feelings out? Are you looking to make the person or persons feel bad about what they did?
Unfortunately , none of these are a good enough reason to reach out to the person who caused you such emotional distress.
It hurts to be ignored or broken up with, says Chicago-basedmatchmaker, Stef Safran. However, these days it is part of dating. The question is what do you hope to happen? If they left once, they could easily leave again.
If you are looking for a reconnection, looking elsewhere. Someone that ghosts you won’t easily respond to text from you attempting to open the door again.
This isn’t a good way to getfeelings out or feel some type of vindication, either.It’s a better idea to call a friend to talk things through that let your vulnerability be exposed to someone so callous.
This is not someone you can count on, and they’re going to build you feel even more lonely when they ghost you again, saysNew York-basedrelationship expert, April Masini.
Before you decide to text someone that ghosted you, truly sit down and figure out what you want from it. If it’s not attainable, then just let it go.
2. Can I Manage It If I Don’t Get A Response Again?
Let’s be real: If someone ghosted you, what builds you think they will respond to another text?
It’s unlikely that someone with the emotional maturity of a peanut whodecided to ghost in the first place will respond to anything else you send their way. Remember, it could be not to hear a response from them now than it was when they first left.
Safran says to think about the following before making any move toward your ghoster: How will you feel if they don’t react at all, or in a few days? Will you feel worse if they don’t contact you back again?
Because odds are, they probably won’t.
If you’re desperate, texting someone who ghosted you will simply add fuel to that fire, says Masini. A person who ghosts isn’t interested in your mental health or your well being. They want what they want when they want it, and they’re not up for etiquette or responsibility.
In all likelihood, simply the act of reaching out one more time will open a meander that is better left closed.
3. Is This Something I Actually Want To Do?
More than anything, you should ask yourself if texting your ghoster is something you want to do.
Plain and simple, the more common advice you’ll get from many outlets, including wedding therapistNicole Richardson, is: Don’t do it!
At this phase, there are very few days in life that we are truly unavailable for more than a few hours and if “weve been”, we most likely planned it. If your last one or two texts have gone without reply, call or text a friend and let them know you are in the midst of being ghosted and in need of consolation. Even if the person lost their phone( which would typically be replaced within less than 24 hours) if you blow them up they will probably think you are obsessive when they do get their telephone back.
According to Richardson , no good can come from texting someone who may have ghosted you, so simply don’t do it at all.
It’ll merely lead to more commotion, heartache, and pain that you don’t need to include in your life. Don’t allow yourself to think that you to text your ghoster; they cut you out of the picture, so let them live on with their life will you live yours.
Yes, ghosting straight outbut it’s important to remember that it’s not your fault. Ghosting has to do exclusively with how immature the other person is, and how they’ve decided not to handle any grown-up emotions by leaving the situation.
Before you decide to text person that ghosted you, ask yourself these questions. Make an informed decision about whether it’s worth it opportunities are, regrettably, it’s not.
In thecity where I lived for the last nine years and for most of my adult dating life, it is notoriously difficult to never see someone again. This includes your ex.
In other places, blockingsomebody on Facebook might mean that you dont run into them again for months or years at a time. On more than one occasion, I have broken up with somebody, only to, weeks later, look over and consider them at the same movie as me.
At one point, it was so bad that I even had an ex buy a house behind mine less than a month after our breakup.
All of these ghosts taught me a lesson, though. When geography doesnt allow you to move on, then you need to find a way to do so, spiritually.
Here are the fail-safe steps I follow to cleanse my life of my old relationship, and make room to bring in something new.
Get rid of all visual reminders of your ex.
Hopefully, if youre at the point of was intended to get someone out of your life completely, youve already stopped talking tothem.
If you arestilltexting them, then what are you doing? Violate the cycle by takingyour telephone, throwing it out in the street, and runningover it twice. Leave it out there until it rains.
Youre going to want to do a deep clean of your apartment to get rid of any visual cue that reminds you of your ex. Start by puttingall the items that belong to them in one box, and everything that belongs to you, but remindsyou of them( for example, that salt lamp she bought you for your birthday) in another.
If you come across any samples of their handwriting, keep one to perform a binding spell later.
The same should apply to electronic communications as well. Go through your email and text messages, and cleanse your ex from all correspondencesso you dont keep encountering their name. Remove all playlists from your Spotify.
If you are the sentimental kind, you are able to simply move the messages out of your inbox and to another folder which allows you look at them when you dont care anymore.The option is yours. Just know thatthis will notcleanse your ex from your lifecompletely.
As for the boxes of material items, what you do with them is up to you.I recommend dumping their belongingson their front porch, and then, burning rubber as you squeal away.
Or, you know, you can always burn them.
When the items are stowed, take a bundle of sage, and cleanse your ex and their aura from your homeby smudging your space.Smudging is an ancient ritual wherein the smoking from a sage bundle actually changes the composition of the air and pacify you.
Sage bundles can usually be found at your local herb store, or if you grow sage, you can stimulate your own by bundling it, tying it, and hanging it upside down for it to dry.
Light the bundle of sage until it smokes, blowing out any flames that might appear. Wave it over your body from your feet to your head, imagining your ex leaving your life.
If you want to whisper an incantation to accompany this action, you canrepeat this a few periods 😛 TAGEND
All negativity now scatters. May this house be cleansed, free of all bad forces, thoughts, and energies. May it remain so.
When you have cleansed your body, cleanse your apartment by conducting the smoke into all corners, passageways, and doors.
Once youre finished, press the sage in a heat-proof receptacle such as an ashtray or ceramic bowl until it stops smoking. Inter it in your backyard to complete the ritual.
Rearrange your furniture.
Once your exs aura is cleansed from your space, rearrange your furniture so that you dont associate the memory of your ex with your space.
Put your bed in a new corner, building sure that it is not positioned in the center of your room. If you and your ex spent a lot of time in, say, the living room or kitchen, be sure to change up the furniture in both sets of rooms, too.
Changing up your lines of sight will mean that when you look at yourfamiliar surrounds, you wont automatically remember your ex sitting in a specific chair or lying in your bed.
Think of it as a route of cleansing them from your involuntary memories, just like youre cleansing them from your physical space.
Banish their name.
Make sure your friends and family know that you are deep-cleaning your ex from your life. This means that they should avoid bringing up your exs name in conversation.
If you live in a small city like I did, be sure to specify that you also dont want to be invited to parties or gatherings where your ex is going to be. Cleanse your ex from your social circles like you cleansed them from your home.
This will make sure that, even if you blocked them on Facebook, you wont find yourself sharing a Friday night with them.
It ought to go without saying, but you might also want to let your friends know that you dont want to hear news about them.
No, you dont want to know how they are doing or who they were out with the other night. Youre moving on and so are they, but that doesnt mean you need to know any details.
Cast a binding spell.
Even if you have cleansed your ex from your space, intellect, and friend circle, its still likely you are going to end up running into them, at the least within the first few months after a breakup.
The universe has ways of testing you like that. Also, its hard to set into a new routine right away, and you and your ex probably had shared spaces that you liked to go together.
A binding spellwont cause any harm to your ex. It just means that if youshould find yourself in the same space, they wont be allowed to do any harm to you.
On the next waningmoon, takean old, black T-shirt, and cut out two layers that are roughly the shape of your ex. Sew up the sides, but leave the head of the poppet open.
Through this opening, fill up the poppet with Earthand a handwriting sample from your ex( if you have it ). If you dont have a handwriting sample, you are able to include their photograph.
You can also put in a piece of smoky quartz and amethyst, if you have small crystals on hand.
Wrap the poppet up with black ribbonwhile envisaging the ribbonis tying up your ex, preventingthem from doing farther harm from you.
Once it is completely bound, holdthe poppet out from you, visualizing all of the negative energy your relationship and breakup brought you, then throwit away from yourself.
Tossthe poppet in the nearest body of water, and dont look back whenyou walk away.
For incantations to say while conducting a binding spell, you are able to check out the ,$ 3, Amazon .
If a binding spell doesnt sound likeyour thing, you can alwaysjust avoid that one noodleplacewhere you always used to go together.Whatever works for you.
Create an altar to bring new love into your life.
This is my favorite step of the cleansing process, because it allows you to put yourself at the center of their own lives again.
Clear off the top of your favorite bookshelf, including wiping off any dust with a cloth. This should be a space that are frequently within your line of sight.
Choose several objects that you consider sacred. They should be items that feel good when you hold them. In the past, Ive included seashells, candles, photographs of friends, and crystals on my altar.
Whatever you choose, the items should represent you.
Arrange the items on the top shelf in the way that is most pleasing to you. As you are arranging the items on your altar, visualize what you wishes to bring into your life.
If your thoughts always leap tolove when making a wish such as this one, I recommend wishing for love for yourself.When you are secure in your love for yourself, it allows anothers love to come in.
You can replenish it with fresh flowers and new objects on a weekly basis.
While there might not be any scientific evidencethat building altars and conducting bind spells actually get rid of your ex, faith never required any proof. Besides that, manyhave learned by now thatto cleanse your ex from your social media feedonly does so much.
Conducting these little rites of self-care gives you is high time to meditate and clear out your inner space, as much as the space in your home.
Sometimes, your mind is the most difficult thing to set right after a split. These little spellsmight just be the trick.