To The Person I Used To Be, This Year Will Be Better

The inevitable incompatibility of life does not and should not induce us incapable, but sometimes, it shrinks us that we want to go incognito.

Hey, how was 2016? Yep, I am talking to you. Let us put a line between the general 2016, which are the things that everyone( nearly) know; and the specific 2016, which is all about you. In hours of inexplicable various forms of proves, I am enlisting those that I have felt, have grieved, have ugly-cried, have solaced, and have settled inner peace with acceptance and letting go. Perhaps you could associate, maybe not. But life, when shared, helps us gain. So, we begin.

Life is not a word to define, but a meaning to be found . This year, I have sought things I thought were worth “re fighting”. Do not get me wrong, I still think that they are worth it. But when we have depleted all that we could do, what else is left but to relieve yourself of that exhaustion let it be. Because I have learned that for certain milestones to be found, all we need is to stand firm so long as we keep that posture, even if we are confused, answers merely are to be found to us.

I strolled tall, but still fell short. Who never felt letdown? Who never felt cheated ? Who never asked for vengeance? Who never actually plotted against someone, against a group of people? Were these things easy to do? Were they within a mans capacity? Of course! Though, however feelings build us do, if love and inner peace are with you, you can just say One day, it will all make perfect sense. Sure, its hard to be haunted by some actions we thought we couldve done, but its even harder to be haunted by the things we wouldve done out of anger or whatever but never fully understood their repercussions, until the right time comes, and repentance will never bring anything back.

Some may think they have taken everyTHING away from me, but not everyONE. Yep , noticed? Things that people take from us are wonderfully replaceable, but not the people we live with. Besides, people around our sphere of influence arent easy to count out. At night, before we lay ourselves down, when our emotions shrink to the quietest, loneliest part of our hearts, and once peace consoled, we could just say God, thank you, for letting them take almost everything away from me. It stimulated me realize having less is having more.

Deception is a reception based on half-blinded peoples perception. We tend to believe what we ensure, what people make us feel, what the world makes us habituate into, but the truth will always find its style home. While there are people who delude, there are also people who perceive, assess, and extrapolate. It is in allowing darkness that light can be recognized amidst all commotion. Pervert can be reverted, yknow.

Love is not blind . Sometimes, fog around us just makes us turn our backs but really, such person or persons sometimes is there, sitting right under your snout. Well, a volume writer said something like we want and dream of a love we thought we deserve. We will always find it interesting to be with someone. We find a great trigger within, and sometimes we arent really sure and that is okay, because the vehicle to receiving love is taking paths and a lot of times we get hurt in the process, but it doesnt construct life unfair. Acceptance that everything we fulfill is a lesson stimulates it easier. Even at your worst, love at your best.

I am not even half the person I used to be, and that is completely horrifying, but not strong enough to break me. I am not the ever-achiever person anymore. In fact, I feel so vulnerable these days. A plenty of things have changed. Irrespective of these, one thing I am assured of that what I have within are still with me. But the greatest thing sometimes is unlearning everything that attained me tough. Because when we allow vulnerability to take its place, we learn the capacity required to love genuinely , not thinking of everything that we see as a mere business that needs to be fulfilled with measurable targets and create a defined outcome. Life was never like that. I was never a business. I am a human.

Hey are you okay? That was okay. You were okay. You are still okay. You are get by, passers-by still knock against you, you still smile randomly to people “youve never” know, and you are still strolling tall, my former self! Sometimes, indignation gets into us but I think it gets balanced with dignity and principle that we live by. Its easy to lose sight of things whenever it is saddened and belittled by our own feelings at a certain moment, but if we keep going , no matter how random and hopeless it may seem, we will find what we are looking for.

I know, you dont want to be alone . I know, you are afraid. More than ever, this time of your life is far more sure this is right who you are and what you could offer, but having more uncertain people coming in is jeopardize. Worry not, things always get better in time. So, what if people use you for their own sake? Nobody is perfect anyway. Well, what Im saying is dont be harsh on yourself. As you mentioned, you are not the same person from your past. Well, congratulations, you only released yourself from the shackles of a dark past. But heed this you will never be able to walk past to the future if you keep on perfecting your present and thinking restlessly about what lies ahead. It wasnt about schemes, you know that, alright? Sometimes, you have to be a lone soul to survive, but you were never alone.

2016 is more than you could take
, according to you. But you still inhale, you still laugh, you still have your loved ones, you still know your craft, and you still have a person that stimulates you happy. Perhaps, this is not a letter to your former self maybe this is a letter to your future self, that one day, when you are able to read this again, you will have mixed emotions and say Lord, had it not been for pain, I will never be who I am today; for every ache, there is gain; for every gain, there is glory; and for every glory, there is peace.

So go, and live.

Read more:

From date night to cold rains: 20 habits that changed readers’ lives | Sarah Marsh and Guardian readers

Small changes can sometimes build the biggest change. Here our readers indicate the pastimes or routines that might build 2017 that bit brighter

We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, then, is not an act, but a habit. If its good enough for Aristotle, its good enough for us. So what rituals or routines can we take up to improve 2017?

We asked our readers about the one small change that has induced the biggest change to their lives here are 20 that might just construct the year ahead a bit brighter.

1 Cold-water swimming

I suffer with depression and nervousnes, and have done for about 10 years. I watched a programme called The Doctor Who Dedicate Up Drugs last autumn. I loathed the first episode, but watched the second to see how the woman trying cold-water swimming to help with her depression got on. I was surprised to see it actually helped her, so decided to give it a go. After my first swimming, I was hooked.

Jennifer Brooks, Gloucestershire </ strong>

2 A daily lunchtime walk

This is a good way to escape from my desk and switch off from run. Its also great to investigate the locals and discover concealed gems. It wasnt a hard habit to introduce. When I am busier its harder to step outside, but more rewarding. Those few moments away help me refocus when I get back to the office.

Ross, London

3 Stop shouting

I stopped roaring a decade ago, and havent raised my voice since. I used to shout at my small children when I was frustrated; it was an instinctive response, but it wasnt a constructive way of dealing with the situation, and it would take hours to recover from the regret I felt afterwards. My children often didnt understand why I was so upset. So I stopped roaring. It was hard at first( I had to count to 10 to calm down) but now I feel much better and more in control. I speak in a measured road and things to get out of here because I have gained other people respect.

Clara, the south-west

4 Baking bread

No more processed rubbish the bread I construct is wholesome and full of flavor. It keeps well, too, much better than the shop-bought stuff. “Were not receiving ” finer moment than knocking back a bowl of dough after its first fermenting. Its a great style of destressing. Lately Ive been constructing no-knead bread which savor good but doesnt ease stress quite so well. Ive also started inducing my own pizzas, which has been just as fun.


5 Mindfulness meditation

I introduced mindfulness meditation into my life to assist cope with a history of high blood pressure and depression. Concentrating on my breathing and telling myself to live in the now stopped me panicking. At first, I felt I had to lie down in a quiet room, light candles and practise for 20 minutes. But now I can do it anywhere. Even if you end up doing meditation for three minutes a day its worth it. It has helped me improve my the relationships and career. Mindfulness slows me down, helps me accept the things I cannot change and appreciate what and who I have in my life. It has built me more grateful.

Elaine Kingett, London </ em> </ strong>


WomenI started doing yoga twice a week to get rid of headaches. It wasnt difficult to start because I was already exerting, but it took a while to get used to it, because I believed yoga looked a little bit boring at first. Now I cannot live without it. Its the one thing that helps with my headaches, and it has really improved my quality of life.

Amanda, Cape Town

7 Stop bringing work home

I made a conscious decision to ensure my own personal life and relationships were my priority away from work, and took work emails off my phone. This has actually induced me a lot more efficient at work, especially when scheming my time.

Anjum Peerbacos, London

8 Unicycle

I started unicycling with the rest of their own families about 12 years ago, but every week it felt like I was starting all over again, while others progressed. About a year ago I find a physio about an unrelated pain and he noted that I had poor abdominal muscle tone. I started doing the exercises he gave me and noticed my unicycling was improving. Over the year I have finally learned to mount the unicycle. I also had the confidence to had participated in a freestyle routine at the national championships and am now unicycling to work and back once a week. I am still not brilliant, but I am so happy to be able to do this and to ensure definite improvement.

Cathy, Canberra

9 Learn to play a musical instrument

I learned to play the violin. I started from scratch( playing Twinkle Twinkle Little Star) and can now play over 100 tunes by ear. I can also read music slowly and love playing with others. Im now learning the ukulele, too. It is great fun and I feel a real sense of achievement. I did not play any musical instrument until my early 50 s, and am continuing to improve. Its also been a great way to construct new friends.

Marie Therese Allison, Glasgow

10 Wake up an hour earlier each morning

I decided to start waking up an hour earlier every morning 5.30 am instead of 6.30 am. I now start my day by doing a few lawsuits sun salutations, followed by a prayer( which I use to be thankful rather than asking for anything ), and then write in my periodical. This change has helped me keep in touch with myself and my emotions.

Kelly, Indianapolis

11 Drink enough water

I used to get awful headaches but then I started to drink at the least two litres of water a day. After about five years of doing this my headaches have now gone away, my scalp is soft and clear, and I have more energy. I notice that when I dont drink enough for a few days my body feels like its operating at half the rate it was necessary to. This has been one of the best things Ive done for my body.

Emily, Lancashire

12 Cycle to work

CyclistsI began cycling to work last summertime( its merely five miles and its usually quicker than driving ). I did it because I felt I wasnt getting enough workout. It was also because driving and taking public transport through London is expensive and stressful. My journey to work is fun now. Some of it involves busy roads( where I find myself overtaking queues of cars ). But Ive also saw some nice quiet signposted cycle roads through back streets. I feel healthier and my leg muscles are definitely stronger than they were.

Caroline, London

13 Pilates

After a hip operation I started pilates as part of my rehabilitation. It made a huge change to my mobility so I find a local class at the leisure centre. Ive been running most weeks for several years now. Im virtually 50 but feel about 20 years younger. Pilates strengthened and straightened me in key core regions: I can get up from the floor without utilizing my hands; I can stand for hours; and I rarely have backache.

Mike, Cheshire

14 Date night

About 3 years ago our three daughters were finally old enough to look after themselves on a Friday evening, or to go out with their friends. So my spouse and I decided to make it our date night. We go for a meal or drinkings, sometimes with other friends. After so many years of sacrificing our time for the children it has been wonderful to take my spouse for a date every week. I genuinely look forward to us expending quality time together.

Philip West, Istanbul

15 Tai chi

GroupTwenty years ago I started learning tai chi and six years ago it became my daily practise. Every morning I do yoga to stretch and then tai chi to balance, determine and ground myself. Tai chi isnt quick to pick up; it took four years merely to learn the kind and its business practices that is never complete. Theres always something more to learn. It has helped me slow down and pay attention to the details, emotionally and physically.

Keone, Wales

16 Cold showers

I was on a cycling vacation in France in the summer of 2015. The temperature was great for cycling, about 27 celsius, and after each days ride I looked forward to a refreshing rain. At the last hotel I knocked the temperature gauge to cold. Brrrrr! I defined it back to hot. A couple of seconds later I knocked it to cold again. Not so brrrrr actually, more refreshing. I havent seemed back.

Vanessa Moss, Kendal

17 Something new every day

At the start of 2016 I decided to do one new thing every day. I initially did this to keep myself busy after a breakup, but I have maintained it up ever since. Its included trying everything from joining a choir to buying a new type of tea. It has been so beneficial: Ive gained new skills and impression braver, more spontaneous and ever so slightly more exhausted.

Maria Wylie, Ely

18 Stop looking at the phone after 9pm

I made this little promise to myself to gain some work-life balance( I was addicted to checking my email ), but also simply to have a bit of quiet day before bed. Its made a huge difference. After the first week I felt perceptibly much less stressed. I also slept better. Some of my friends complained that I missed their messages, but it was nothing that couldnt wait until the next day.


19 Kickboxing

When I was 37, I started kickboxing. In many respects, life was pretty good: I was in a happy, long-term relationship, and my job was find. There wasnt a huge amount for me to worry about. But I was restless, with a nagging help feeling that somehow life was passing me by. Forty was looming, and I wanted to do something to make me feel more alive. Thats where kickboxing came in. Im a second dan black belt now: the day I got my first black belt was the proudest of my life. I try to train at the least five times a week. At a basic level, it maintains me fit, strong and flexible. But it also holds me sane and sociable.

Sarah Heseltine, London </ strong>

20 Give up coffee

Id become addicted after going from having one cup of coffee a day to sinking six or even eight, and I find I couldnt guess without a beaker. I tended to be agitated as a result of too much caffeine in important sessions, and once I decided to give it up, “its easy ” although there are times when I still crave a beaker. Im now more relaxed and calmer.

Peter, London

Read more: