Relationships are hard. Period.
Dont get me wrong: When you find the right person, your life will be just a little more amazing, but it definitely wont be easier. In fact, anyone who tells you such relationships arelow-maintenance likely hasnt experienced a mature, adult relationship yet.
I have been with my current partner for almost two years now, and despite the fact that I love him to demise, I can honestly say that our relationship has been the most difficult thing Ive ever dealt with in my life.
The reason relationships are difficult is simple: You need to be opento small change for each other, and people dont precisely accept change with open arms.
In the beginning, everything goes smoothly because the commitment level hasnt reached its peak just yet. When it does, each person in the relationship will need to subtly adapt for their significant other for the connection to thrive.
Im not saying that you should do a complete overhaul of your personality, because at that point, you should call it ceases on the relationship altogether. All Im saying is that you should both be willing to work on a few things to betteryour relationship.
Here are six things you should be OK with changing once you get into a relationship 😛 TAGEND
1. Social Patterns
The first thing I realise I had to change when my love and Istarted getting more serious was certain aspects of my social life. I couldnt used to go constantly and party with my friends like I used to, and he couldnt do the samewith his friendseither.
Im not saying you haveto shun your single friends away when “youre starting” dating, but I am saying that you should be a bit more mindful of your situates when youre not single anymore.
As time goes on in a relationship, your single-life routine to which youve grown so accustomed will eventually morph into something completely different. You have to remind yourself that this is completely normal.
Change is intimidating to anyone, but inreality, change inspires growth. You should be willing to change a few minor things in your daily routine for that special someone, and they should be willing to do the same for you.
This kind of change usually comes along with a defensive attitude, but you should be willing to change certain habits for your significant other to allow your bondto flourish.
In a relationship, you allow someoneto see you for who you truly are. Naturally, they might notice some bad or unhealthy habits you didnt realize “youve had”. For instance, when my significant otherand I started dating, I inspired him to feed healthier and exert more, while he inspired me to stop drinking and smoking.
Allowing your significant other to help you in changing your bad habits will not only benefit your relationship, but it will also benefit you as an individual subsequently down the line.
My significant other and I are currently doing the long distance thing with one another, and honestly, it wholly sucks. After having many conversations about the topic, we eventually decidedthat one of us needed to move.
We were both willing to relocate for each other. In the end, we decided that we enjoyed the suburban lifestyle, so he is moving to be closer to me.
The important thing, though, is that we were both willing and able to pick up and move to better our relationship. Starting over in a new place can be intimidating, but its a small price to pay for love.
A persons attitudeis one of the hardest things to change, but it might be necessary for a relationship to be successful in the long run. Everyone on this planet is born with flaws, butyou should be willing to address and adjustthose flaws for the person you love.
I am a New Yorker at heart, meaningI get defensive easily, I have a loud voice and I holler every chance I get. On the other hand, my love is from the Midwest. He prefers to stay calm and quiet while we have our disagreements, and he gets prettyupset when people express their anger in a loud orobnoxious way.
When we argue, I have to remind myself that he needs to hear my frustrationsmore calmlyto truly understand what Im trying to say.
At the end of the day, both people in a relationship need to be willing to tweak some partsof their postures for the relationship to last.
Before I got together with my current love, I assured my future in a different sun. It was just me and my individual aims. Whether they involved mycareer, my health or even socially-driven goals, I was the only one in the picture at the time.
Now that were together, I alwayskeep him in intellect when it comes to what I want for our future. Now, its me and him together as we stroll this journey of life in true partnership.
You shouldnt give up on your dreamings, but you should keep in mind that certain objectives you setbefore your relationship might change slightly, or even drastically, as you get more serious with your partner.
You merely need to remind yourself that this kind of change is not necessarily a bad thing, especially if its for something positive.
When most of us think of “passion, ” the idea of a relationship immediately comes to intellect. Two lovers, perfect for one another, having hot, sexuality, and being happy forever. When the majority of members of us think of “lust, ” though, that’s also something desirable in a relationship. After all, how hot is it to be in a long-term relationship with your soulmate and still be lusting after them?( Pretty hot .) What, though, exactly is the difference between passion and lust in a relationship? And are both desirable?
It’s a complicated topic, because according to the Oxford English Dictionary, the definitions contained in the two are close. Let’s explore.
Passion is defined as “1) a strong and barely controllable emotion, 2) a country or outburst of strong emotion, 3) intense sexual love, 4) an intense desire or exuberance for something, and/ or 5) a thing eliciting great enthusiasm.”
Lust, on the other hand, is defined as “1) strong sexual desire, 2) a passionate desire for something, or 3) a sensuous appetite regarded as sinful.”
So the dictionary may not be a lot of assistance, because the two terms are conflated( I entail, one is actually used in the definition of the other, FFS !) but it does devote us direction.
Lust, it seems, is something that may generally be seen as bad. And in fact, many of us are guilty of attributing a negative connotation to the word. But we may be too quick to judge lust. After all, if it’s merely a “strong sexual desire, ” then it should be good in a relationship as well, right? Well, yes, but it’s important to delineate the differences between lust and passion. While one is wonderful to have in spades, the other is best in conjunction with love.
See, here’s what it simmers down to: Passion is an intense feeling that you can have about anything( a partner, a hobby, a cause, etc .), but lust aims up being just an intense need to please yourself. In a relationship, both are OK, with lust being better in moderation.
Love and lust aren’t “either/ or” propositions. Neither are love and passion. You shouldn’t simply have one or the other. In fact, in a really healthy, caring, happy relationship, you’ll have all three: love, lust, and passion.
Specifically, passion is more than just reserved for the bedroom. Lust, on the other hand, is generally about one thing and one thing merely: sexuality. You can be passionate about something unrelated to sexuality. You can be passionate about a pastime. You can be passionate about your matrimony. You can even be passionate about your partner’s kindness. And of course, you and your partner can be passionate about each other.
It’s a hallmark of a great relationship when the two partners are passionate about each other and about everything related to each other. My spouse and I are passionate about each other in general, but we’re also passionate about our wedding, our sex life, our bond, our friendship, and our life together. We also both have individual passions outside the relationship: I am passionate about my operate and my workouts, he is passionate about his chiropractic career, and we’re both passionate about helping animals by not feeing meat. In general, we’re passionate people, and it attains our relationship great.
Still, we’re also pretty lustful. There are moments that I just have to have my husband, and I’m not under any illusion that it’s about anything other than my desire. Similarly, I know he sometimes gets overwhelmed and just requires me sexually at certain times. And truthfully, it’s totally awesome because it’s nice to be that attracted to your spouse and feel like your spouse is that attracted to you.
That said, though, our sexuality life doesn’t run only on lust. If it did, we would both be fairly selfish fans. Our sexuality life operates on both lust( our desire to please ourselves) and passion( our willingness to please one another because we’re passionate about our wedding ).
Normally, a relationship that’s based exclusively on lust won’t last for the long haul. When the sexual attraction starts to fizzle, the parties will look up and realise there’s nothing left because there were just chasing their own sex requires. A relationship based on passion, though, can last, as long as the passion is about more than merely sexuality! You should be passionate about everything your partner is and everything your relationship can be. A passionate relationship usually entails the two partners are willing to compromise and stimulate sacrifices for one another and to work hard on their love.
At the end of the working day, neither passion nor lust is a wholly negative trait to have with your long-term love. Yes, a relationship shouldn’t be based exclusively on lust or passion, but they’re both fine to have. It’s just about how present they are in your relationship and how they are serving your partnership.
So go ahead and chase after it all, because it is totally possible to have a caring, supportive, and healthy relationship that’s filled with passion and lust.
Check out the “Best of Elite Daily” stream in the Bustle App for more tales just like this !
When I walked down the aisle to marry my husband, I had no idea what hand he wrote with. I barely knew his favorite color. This is just one of the things that happens when you are someone whomarried a complete stranger.
You see, the date of my wedding was exactly eight weeks after our first date. And it was the best decision I’ve ever made.
My husband and I had technically known each other for 15 years, but the word technically is a really important caveat here. We went to high schooltogether,but we may have spoken about twice for about five minutes throughout that entire period. We weren’t friends. We didn’t run in the same circles. And we certainly had no extracurricular activities in common.
Fast forward to 12 years after our high school graduation a total of just over 15 years from when we had first met: We both found ourselves in our hometown for the first time in forever.
I hadquit my job as an attorney to travel full-timejust a year prior. My younger sister was babysitting my puppy, and I hadstopped in our hometown to see her for 48 hours between coming back from Cuba and flying to Guatemala. He, on the other hand, had just graduated from chiropractic school and was back home studying for his boards, making plans for what to do next.
I had no idea he was in town. Though we had been friends on Facebook since college, we weren’t the type of friends whoever commented on each other’s status updates or really kept up with each other, and he barely showed up in my news feed at all.
Couples in love can get a pretty funny reputation for being permanently googly-eyed and all over one another every opportunity they get.
If you’re actually a part of a couple in love, “youre supposed to” don’t care at all. Being in love is one of the best feelings in the world and if you’ve observed person, they’re likely all you can think about.
My husband and I have been married for a few months, and we’re definitely still in the you’re all I wantphase. We still have the only married sticker on the car nearly 4 months in, and don’t plan on taking it off anytime soon, either.
Pairs that are head over heels often share manysimilarities in the things they do, acting as a truetestament to their love and devotion for each other. In fact, many couples in love are really unique in the things they do( compared to other couples that just might not be so serious ).
If you’re part of a couple in love, oddsare the two of you have done one of these seven things 😛 TAGEND
1. Have Special Rituals Every Day
My husband and I have really specific things that we do on a regular basis that would probably induce other people think we were super weird but it doesn’t matter to us.
We love going to raves together, as it’s one of the times we bond the most. Wedo arts and crafts together for those raves, like crafting up beaded bangles, almost every night. During this, wechat and get excited about the raveand what else is to come. On top of that, we make an effort to drink tea together every single morning and every night.
These little moments together help us forget the rest of the world and remind us why we decide to each other.
Couples in love will have unique, special rites that only they know about and merely they participate in. It’s not because we’re all weird in our own ways, but instead, because these unique rites help connect us with our partner.
2. PrioritizeEach Other
I’ve never truly felt like I wanted to prioritize my partnerin my past relationships because I never really valued the actual relationships.
With my husband, it’s different he’s my number 1 priority , no matter what. Whatever he needs, I’ll be there, irrespective of what else is going on in my life. He feels the same route about me, building it clear to meby always beingready to listen to me when I want to talk about work, life, and standing by my side.
Couples in love are that way since they are truly value each other, and they build that clear through prioritization.
This will come through in how often they are there for one another through thick and thin, whether facing bigfamily drama or as a small doctor’s appointment.
3. Support Their Dreams And Desires
I’m not the best at sitting still. Because of this, I often have something new I want to do almost every day.
Sometimes, I guess I want to go to medical school, and other times, I want to sit down and write a book. No matter what I am feeling, my husband subsistences me, and I know that no matter what track I ultimately prefer, he would support me there, too.
Similarly, he’s in the middle of starting his chiropractic career right now and I know he was constructed for it. I’ve been aroused to help him analyse, go with him to exams, and merely generally remind him that he can do it.
If you truly support each other through everything you both wishes to do, this means that you have a wonderful connect. Couples with powerful connections understand why proving subsistence and biding positive is so important.
Your love for one another only brings out your ability to be a true cheerleader for whatever happens in life.
4. Communicate AboutEmotions
My husband claims that before me, he wasn’t a big talker. I have a hard time accepting this because with me, he is super talkative about everything. He and I both know it’s a testament to the fact that we’re profoundly in love and feel comfortable withspeaking about anything that pops up in life.
The two of us find it easy to open up about our feelings on a daily basis. Whether it’s just something that is bothering us about our day or something bigger like fret over a new job possibility, we talk a lot. It’s something that’s natural when you’re in love.
Communication is the key between couples, and love will merely help you foster those discussionsas much as possible. Maintaining the other person in the loop about how you are feeling will help your relationship stay strong and continue to flourish as time goes on in the process.
5. Have Sex Frequently
My husband and I joked at the beginning of our wedding that throughout our married life, basically until we die, we’d make it a goal to have sex once a day.
Well, luckily for both of us, it has turned into less of a gag and more of a real thing. Because we’re already so connected, the sexuality comes easily and naturally and it also helps us connect, so it’s an awesome cycle to experience.
Sex is a connector, you can’t deny that. Couples in love should naturally be having sexuality pretty often. It’s fun, breeds intimacy, and is a great way to work off some of that daily stress.
6. Laugh All The Time
I can be laughing with my husband whether we’re at the Magic Kingdom, a light-filled EDM concert, or in a grocery storebuying fruit for a juice cleanse.
We laugh not because we’re always doing fun stuff, but because we’re always having fun together.
A really well-connected, in-love couple knows where to find or create opportunities to laugh with each other , no matter what is around them.
The ability to find joy in everyday life is often what keeps couples happy together.
7. LookForward To The Future
For the first time in a relationship, I don’t dreaded what’s coming in the future.
Instead, I wake up looking forward to each day, month, and year. I’m very much in love with my husband, and can’t wait to watch our lovegrow every minute. I know he feels the same style, as he tells me all the time that he can’t wait to see what our future together holds.
Couples that are truly in love will be genuinely happy to bring up discussions of how they’ll spend the rest of their lives together. They’ll know that they’ll always have each other , no matter what, and that life is better with the other by their side. Casual couples, on the other hand, may be more interested in theand definitely less assured that that’ll even be together in the future.
Remember that each relationship is different, but if you have felt things similar to the things on this list, it’s a good sign. When you’re in love, you’ll feel a unique bonding and connection to your partner that you can’t feel in any other type of relationship.
Chances are it’ll feel fantastic.