Why Everyone Should Run To Therapy

I don’t know you. I don’t know your narrative or your past.I don’t know the heart breaking or confusion or conflict in your life. I don’t know if you’re having relationships a matter that hurt and confuse and steal your elation. I don’t know if you’re struggling with your child and the role of parenthood has beaten you down. I don’t know the trauma or abuse or intestine wrenching rawness you’re going through.

I don’t know you. But I do know something about you.

I know your tale is worthy. I know you’re able to heal, to rise from the ashes and become the person or persons you were created to be. I know that with a little support, you’ll be back on your feet and the frightening cloud of inner distress will be lifted.

I’ve sat in the offices of five different therapists in my life time. I don’t seem the type to want a therapist. I don’t have any abuse in my past. I come from a happy home with loving mothers. I’ve sat across from many therapists, waiting for me to unleash my supposed repressed memories of a painful childhood- but I simply don’t have any.

But what I do have is this anxiety, this panic, this depression, that grips it’s long, jagged fingernails tightly into the walls of brain, making it hard to breathe or insure straight or feel normal. The medication built me sicker than my nervousnes did, so I went to therapy instead.

I’ve sat across from all types of therapists. Male, female, old, young, black, white, free, professional, cognitive behavior therapists, counselors, talkative, quiet…the list goes on. I’ve had good therapists…and I’ve had very bad therapists.

But I’m here to tell you something important. There is NO SHAME in discovering counseling, therapy, wisdom, subsistence. There is NO SHAME in telling someone you meet with a therapist or counselor. There is NO SHAME in attempting help. There is NO SHAME in realizing you need an unbiased third party.

In fact, it’s the bravest thing you can do. The ultimate sort of self-care. The champion of natural redress. Opening up to a stranger is frightening. But I’m telling you…it’s worth it. It is. You’ll find this version of yourself that you didn’t realize you had in you- one that is brave, and worthy of healing from feelings that gnaw at you.

Realize it is GOOD to talk about the wounds that haunt you.

An highly dear friend recently told him that ” All people could benefit from going to counseling. The smart people actually go .”

Be a smart person. Take the first step. You can do it. It’s worth it. I promise.

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After 5 Years Of Relying On Medication, I Can Ultimately Sleep

Its been a long time since Ive written anything. And while my aims were to blog every fortnight, this post has been extremely tough to write. For once I saw it very difficult to articulated my feelings and experiences, because of the personal nature of what I’m about to tell you.

A few weeks ago, I found myself chatting to one of my new friends, who is also an amazing business coach-and-four and mentor. He asked me how things were going aside from business, how are you feeling, just in general ?. I thought about it and said, did you know, this is the first time in five years that Ive been able to sleep without taking a pill?

Insomnia has been affecting my ability to sleep properly since late 2010. It was kicked off by a freak hockey ball to the head incident, which then transpired into mental health problems( thanks, brain ). Around 1 in 3 people have or have had some degree of insomnia in “peoples lives”. For an unlucky few( like me) insomnia is/ was chronic. If youre one of them and are reading this, know that its okay, there IS a way out.

Back in 2010 I got a wild smack to the forehead from a fast flying hockey ball, I was briefly knocked out and I opened my eyes not even realizing what had happened, but bizarrely, I was chuckling! It wasnt until I felt the huge hunk on my head that it abruptly reach me( hah, pun aimed ). Soon after this, I had developed intense trouble sleeping and experienced extreme headaches and photophobia.

In my traditional headstrong style I refused to go to the doctor, that was a bad decision. Months afterwards things seemed to be getting worse in my head space. After seeing a bunch of specialists and get an MRI and all that, it was concluded that I had Post Concussion Syndrome( a minor kind of traumatic brain injury ).

Because of this, my health took a drastic downward spiraling. I was lethargic, had constant headaches, was depressed, annoyed, and slightly delusional. The doctors prescribed me dozens of analgesics to cope. I was studying a BMA at the time, and working so I could afford to live out of home and life spun out of my control. The brain does crazy things when it experiences trauma, and for a long long time I was not myself.

I was enrolled in a national head trauma study. They interviewed me about the events and my experiences, then they interviewed some of my friends and family. Every six months my reaction time and short-term memory were tested, as well as my mood and general quality of life. It took virtually two years for me to get back to normal. I dont know why it was such a long time, perhaps some people are more susceptible to these kinds of things. A plenty of people in my family battle with mental illness. But even when I was feeling better, I still had to rely on medication to sleep.

Luckily for me, my doctors had refused to give me traditional sleeping capsule such as Zopiclone, because of their addictive qualities. That was penalty by me, I never intended to be stuck taking pills before bed. But no matter how hard I tried, I couldnt survive without them. At first it was Amitriptyline, a drug in high doses used to treat depression, but I was on it for headaches and as a muscle relaxant.

Sometime after I finished my degree in late 2012, I changed physicians due to not having access to the medical center on campus. My new doctor tried to wean me off taking the drug, I was all in. But it only didnt work. I went back to him after slowly reducing my intake at his guidance and tried a few months without anything. In mid-2 013 I had more responsibility with my job which added some stress, and without any pills before bed I was get between 1 and 5 hours sleep a night. I got sick a lot, gained a lot of weight, my mood was unstable, and I was quickly becoming very unhappy.

So I went back to my doctor, I was attempting to tell him that I still havent been able to sleep but I sat there weeping in his office because I was just so exhausted and frustrated. I just wanted sleep. He recommended putting me through a sleep survey and to consider a sleep therapist, but this wasnt subsidized and I wasnt financially able to pay for such expensive tests( startup wages, am I right ?). So, I opted for the easier just for now alternative. We tried something new, Quetiapine, an antipsychotic narcotic which in high doses is used to treat people who are bipolar or schizophrenic. I didnt get a large dosage, only small enough to help me sleep. But even then I woke up every morning with a drug hangover and it took me hours every day before I could feel totally awake.

I lived like this for a long time, always having to take a pill before bed. Sometimes that didnt even work. I vividly remember how I felt after a huge hike over NZs Tongariro Crossing and then the 2-hour drive home. I was so tired, so depleted after that I could hardly eat. I was thinking surely, surely I am this tired I must be able to sleep. But then as soon as my head hit the pillow my mind became awake, overactive and as much as I tried, I couldnt settle it down. A few hours later I begrudgingly get up and gulped down that damn pill, desperate for the relief of sleep.

This is when I started researching sleeping techniques. Over the past year and a half I have tried everything; yoga, meditation, walkings in the evening, less coffee, less sugar, evening protein, writing down to-do lists and thoughts in a publication beside my bed, sleep tea, calm tea, chamomile tea, peppermint tea, Chinese herbs, sleep fells, lavender under my pillow, hops under my pillow, sleep apps with meditation, hypnosis, screen dimmers, installing Flux on my computer, melatonin , no screens( mobile, Tv, Computer) two hours before bed , non-fictional reading before bed, homeopathy only everything.

Sometimes it would help, Id feel sleepy, try to drift off, then all of a sudden my mind would wake, even though Id be so so physically tired. I didnt know it was possible to feel so depleted and awake at the same day. So I would carry on using my little pills to sleep and feeling hungover in the morning. I disliked it, I never truly felt awake in all that time. And if I ever went somewhere and forgot my pills Id always get restless nights with little or no sleep.

A lot of time went past, living like this. After deciding to leave Hamilton to travel, I ended up in Perth, Australia. By the time I got here my little box of magic sleeping pills from New Zealand had run out. I attempted fate once more and tried to cold turkey my style to sleep. It truly wasnt working out for me. The smallest noise, a single gues, any slight disorder would define me off and my intellect would begin racing once more. No matter what I did, I simply couldnt sleep. There is nothing worse or more hopeless than the feeling of wanting and needing sleep so badly but you only cant get there and you realise your own mind is the only barrier to falling asleep. I recollect guessing, how hopeless am I that I cant even perform the simple human function of sleeping ?.

The one good thing that came out of these few weeks was my deep inner search for a reason. I didnt feel like my head injury was the cause of not being able to sleep, it just seemed like some sort of instigator. Im not going to share the details, but what I realise was that I had become afraid of sleep, and everything else was just an excuse.

I aimed up insuring a wonderful physician here who prescribed me some medication to sleep again and referred me to a counselor who specialized in sleep therapy. I gladly took the drug and debated whether I was ready for a counselor. I wanted to overcome my insomnia on my own( I had only just started acknowledging that this is really what I had ), but sometimes you cant do everything on your own, sometimes you need to accept that you need a bit of a helping hand. And this is what I did.

The first conference with my counselor was amazing. She knew what had happened without me having to say much, she said it and I sat there and exclaimed. I exclaimed as years of pent up emotion and holding back only escaped from me and it was so alleviate. Her hypothesi was I had developed an unconscious fear of sleeping because I lose control over myself and have to give in to the environment around me. I didnt feel. Of course, I knew logically that I was safe, but there was a deep anxiety within me that I had never “lets get going” of, a blocked memory; trauma. It had nothing to do with my head trauma, that was a catalyst, as well as some other events that happened between then and now.

And so started my road to recovery. I went to the counselor once a fortnight. We didnt just talk about sleeping, we talked about a lot and it was really nice. I ultimately discovered an app that helped ease me into the sleeping mind-frame, Pzizz. Every morning within half an hour of waking up I get at least an hour of exert outside. If not, I try to sit in the sun for 20 minutes or be active in some other route. I dont drink coffee after 3pm and limit myself to two a day( on bad days ). I dont have much processed sugar, I write to-do lists every day in my diary so I dont lie in bed and think about everything I have to remember to do tomorrow. My bedroom has become an area for sleep every time I watch something on my laptop in bed it affects the amount and quality of sleep I get, so Ive stopped doing that.

Routines are also very important I do the same thing before bed every night. I also try to stick to the same hours, but Im still learning to sleep so I havent been using an alarm, just trying to slowly get back into the right rhythm. Right now I usually fall asleep between 12 am, wake up at about 6, then go back to sleep until 9 or 10. Its not the pattern I love, and I still have many days where some nights are better than others, but Im getting there, Im improving and Im not giving up.

My mood has become better, my skin clearer, Im no longer getting sick every few weeks and my focus levels are at an all-time high. I still have a lot of work to do, but for the first time in over four years I can sleep without drug, and it feels so damn good.

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50 Little Reminder That Will Get You Through Any Tough Day

1. Weve all had them and you are not alone .

2 . Tomorrow is a fresh start where today can be washed away.

3 . We have all gone through loss, but the best stories are when you grow stronger from that loss.

4 . You are still alive and breathing.

5 . Youre worthy of greatness even if you dont see it yet.

6 . What you are feeling today does not define you.

7 . Time truly heals most anything.

8 . Count your boons , not your calories.

9. You are allowed to not going to be okay .

10 . Your nervousnes or depression is nothing to be ashamed of.

11 . Person in this world cares deeply about you.

12 . Asking for help does not stimulate you weak.

13 . Forty-years from now, you wont am worried about eating more than one piece of cake.

14 . Comparing yourself to others, will do nothing but injury your mind.

15 . Everyone is overly conscious of themselves and probably will never notice your blemishes.

16 . Dont keep your negative impressions concealed. Talk to someone.

17 . Every day is a gift to do something new .

18 . Even if today sucked, tomorrow could be the best day of your life.

19 . We think too much and feel too little. Charlie Chaplin

20 . Smiling can create your endorphins, so go on and give it a go.

21 . So can cuddling.

22 . We live in a world where chocolate exists.

23. Today is not forever .

24 . Taylor Swift had to get over Joe Jonas, Harry Styles, and Jake Gyllenhaal. If she did it, you can do it too.

25 . Being sad for no reason does not mean youre crazy. Youre simply human.

26 . Its not international crimes to take a day off from real life and take care of yourself.

27 . If you are living, you are still surviving and becoming stronger.

28. The past can hurt, but the route I see it, you can either run from it or learn from it The Lion King

29 . You will love again, I promise.

30 . The most beautiful things you can get from life are free.

31 . Yes, you can buy edible cookie dough and not get sick from it.

32 . You dont have to be so brave all the time.

33 . Your real friends will not think your sadness is a burden. Devote them a call.

34 . Sometimes all you need is a very good hug.

35. The worst days wont be as memorable as the best days that are yet to come .

36 . Being happy all the time, won’t give you good experience and won’t teach you anything about yourself.

37 . When a bloom doesnt bloom, you fix the environment in which it grows , not the flower. Alexander Den Heijer

38 . If you have a roof over your head, thats already one thing to be grateful about.

39 . Its ok to not love yourself 100% right now, but take everyday to let yourself know youre doing your best.

40 . If there is a negative person in their own lives that attains “youre feeling” horrible, cut them out of your life and watch it get better.

41 . Even Beyonce has terrible days.

42 . Dont let your demons from the past ruining your future.

43 . Merely in darkness are you able see the stars. Martin Luther King Jr.

44. Allowing yourself to cry and to feeling, is allowing yourself to mend .

45 . Taking baby steps is better than not taking any at all.

46 . You are more important than you even know.

47 . Your life is precious and beautiful. Dont take that for granted.

48 . Pain is merely a fleeting moment. Its not your whole life.

49 . Listen to what your body is telling you and follow its advice.

50. You are here because you are a miracle. Dont let one day ruin it all for your future ego .

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Trust In The Timing Of Your Life

Life is chaotic sometimes. Just as you think everything is going swimmingly, something happens that sends you out of whack. It stimulates you a little bit adrift and this unsettling feeling is hard to shake. Whether its losing your job, your SO, or even if your favorite coffee shop closes down( yes, this would suck for me ), its important to take a step back, exhale and surrender.

I always get into a funk when my life goes off balance. Sometimes I feel like Ive taken one step forwards and two steps back. Thats when I stop and realise,

It’s okay.

Its okay to feel behind, its okay not to be okay, but at the same hour its important to pick yourself up. I give myself 10 emotional minutes in a day if I need it, then I get up and remind myself that I am a gangster( with a matcha latte and a yoga mat ).

Accept.

We want to control everything around us, the situations and the person or persons, but youve got to remember that you cant control every aspect of your life. Dont waste your energy into things you cant control. Instead, utilize that energy to get yourself closer to those goals and being the best version of yourself.

Trust.

Trust in life and trust in yourself. Trust that where you are at in your life at the moment is the right thing and the thing this is necessary most. Dont compare your life to others, everyone is on an individual journey and is on a completely different route and scrolling through your feed upon social media isnt going to stimulate you feel better if you think everyone is ahead of you. Life isnt a race so slow down.

Learn.

Learn from the struggles, falls, heartache, heartbreak, loss, and endings. Because when something ends, a new thing begins. Learn from the people who have come into your life and left, learn from the people who are still here, learn from your experiences good and bad, and most of all learn from yourself.

Celebrate.

We all have objectives that we one day trying to achieve, but in the meantime celebrate your small wins and keep yourself motivated. Focusing on only the big goal can be daunting at times when you think youre not getting closer to it, so look at each step as a tick in the box, getting you that much closer to your goals and go and have that glass of wine and celebrate( any excuse for a tipple ).

Be grateful.

Be grateful for everything in your life. Acknowledge the good no matter how small. You woke up this morning and have another chance at life, you have great friends and family, you have a roof over your head whatever it is, be grateful.

Remember, life is amazing, then awful. And then its amazing again. And in between the amazing and the awful, its ordinary and mundane and routine. Breathe in the amazing, hold on through the nasty, and relax and exhale during the course of its ordinary. Thats just living, heart-breaking, soul-healing, astounding, nasty, ordinary life and its breathtakingly beautiful.

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25 Promises You Should Attain To Yourself Today For A Better Tomorrow

Of all the promises we make, the most important point ones will be the promises we induce to ourselves and how we plan on to be maintained. Here are 25 promises you should build to yourself today 😛 TAGEND

1. Promise yourself to accept who you are now until you work on being the best possible version of yourself.

2. Promise yourself to let love in when it knocks on your door no matter how many times youve been hurt before. Promise yourself to let loveheal you.

3. Promise yourself to walk away from the relationship you dont deserve.

4. Promise yourself to leave a place you dont belong in: a task, a country, an apartment…just leave.

5. Promise yourself to appreciate your friends and your family and everyone you love and show them how much they mean to you.

6. Promise yourself to forgive yourself for your past mistakes and failures and start over with a solid heart.

7. Promise yourself to be kinder to yourself and give yourself thesameamount of support you would give others.

8. Promise yourself to do more of what makes you happy, even if you have to do it alone.

9. Promise yourself to tell person how you really feel about them if they cant construct you sleep at night.

10. Promise yourself to try harder to do what you love and turn your life around.

11. Promise yourself to let the toxic people in your life go.

12. Promise yourself to let the toxic supposes in your intellect go.

13. Promise yourself to be a lot more spontaneous and a litttle less calculated.

14. Promise yourself to live a life that feelings right to you not anyone else.

15. Promise yourself to find something good in every painful experience.

16. Promise yourself to find happiness in the smaller things in life.

17. Promise yourself to take good care of your body and take good care of your mind.

18. Promise yourself to forget whats behind you and start appreciating whats in front of you.

19. Promise yourself to stop comparing their own lives to others.

20. Promise yourself to listen to your intestine when it advises you about something.

21. Promise yourself to help someone when they need you.

22. Promise yourself topick your battles wisely.

23. Promise yourself to start facing your fears.

24. Promise yourself to start believing in miracles.

25. Promiseyourselfto keep as much of these promises as you can.

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16 Difficult Things About Growing Up As An Old Soul

1. Not dating much because you didnt like anyone your age. Adults chalked it up to kids your age just being immature, but as time has gone on, youve discovered that, in fact, those were their actual personalities, and perhaps they have even worsened over time.

2. Not realizing what it means to be empathic and then finding yourself in emotional turmoil for almost no reason. After years of trying to decipher why you feel the way you feel, youve come to the conclusion that you dont. You simply adopted the mindsets, assumptions or even emotional reactions of those around you.

3. Having a good deal of social anxiety not because you were disconnected from reality, but because you were so hyper-conscious of what people could think or how they could respond you always felt as though you should be on your toes.

4. Being teased for liking things that were too intense or odd. You were moved by the orchestra in Celine Dion songs and Jane Eyre and truly, nobody could understand why, you little martian.

5. Being a homebody when the cool thing was to party. Its not even so much that there werent parties, or that you werent invited, but that you sincerely did not enjoy yourself when you went.

6. Anxiously waiting for adulthood, and wanting, more than anything else, just to do what the grown ups did. You were the kid who hated sitting at the kids table. You played house and wanted to drive and sign receipts and wheel a kids size grocery cart around the store like you were shopping for real. There was nothing particularly appealing about any one of these things, other than you just had an irrational desire to do them.

7. Getting your heart broken young. Old souls love hard and completely and so going through the typical motions of adolescence: heartbreak, for instance, is much more of an ordeal for you, simply because you feel it so much more intensely.

8. Feeling as though you werent quite made for the world you live in. When youre young, this translates into one of the worst feelings ever, but when youre older you learn to see it as more of a gift than anything else (who would want to fit into a lot of this #dark world? Not you.)

9. Worrying from a young age. About anything. About everything. About mostly irrational, completely preventable, totally solvable things. Its like worrying is just part of your DNA or, more honestly, its how you create a feeling of safety. (If youve thought through the worst possible outcome, youll be ok).

10. Seeming closed off not because youre a distant person, but because youre too sensitive. If you were hurt one too many times as a kid, you closed yourself off to people and it seemed as though you were the quiet one, or the cold one, or the one who didnt like to cuddle, when in reality, you were just protecting yourself (and probably still are).

11. You always had the answers or even better ideas but nobody took you seriously because of your age. It was the most frustrating thing in the world, to just know what to do but see people value the thoughts, ideas and opinions of people older than you only because they were older than you. You learned early on that physical age is not synonymous with intuition, empathy, creativeness or general intelligence.

12. Being hyper-sensitive to that which other people dont seem to be bothered by. Like big crowds or off-hand comments by a teacher you were often called over-dramatic or too sensitive, because what other people perceived to be an appropriate response wasnt aligned with yours.

13. Generally going through a lot of emotional turmoil early on in life. Lost friends, difficult home situations old souls are built from these things. Why? Because the way a soul ages is through experience. The more you go through, the more you learn.

14. Your mom/grandma was (is) your best friend. It was just kind of natural to feel more like your moms friend (and sometimes voice of wisdom) than it was her child that needed to be parented. You bonded with people older than you in a way that other kids your age just didnt.

15. You took everything too seriously, and came to find that what people call taking things too seriously is code for caring a lot and maybe being successful, which is an inherently threatening thing. You look back on your life now and think: I wasnt taking myself seriously enough.

16. You struggled to navigate your overactive intuition. You couldnt tell the difference between an intuitive nudge or just a little overthinking.

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30 Simple Things You Can Do Today That Will Construct Your Life Better Tomorrow

Everyone feels low at some phase, and it is feasible to seducing to wallow in those sad feelings. Sometimes we just cant assist putting ourselves down. However, that can build the impressions worse, and it can induce problems seem bigger than they actually are.

Thankfully, you can easily turn those negative impressions around by doing a few simple things. Although it may be difficult to think about doing something positive, you have the power to do so. Your intellect is a powerful tool, and you rule your intellect- it isnt the other way around.

Dont beat yourself up; here are 30 ways to feel better about yourself today.

1. Apologize to anyone who you think you have hurt.

2. Stop the negative talk in your head or at least acknowledge that it is your insecurities talking and not you.

3. Go play with your pet, or watch a funny animal video on Youtube. A penguin falling over will attain you feel better, even if its only for a second.

4. Change one thing about your life that you dont like.

5. Relive one of your favorite memories. Think about how happy and relaxed you felt, and remember that you will believes this way again if you want to.

6. Dont carry the weight of the world on your shoulders; let someone else help you with a tough decision.

7. Find something you can give to a friend, like a CD or DVD that you know theyd like.

8. Treat yourself to something that you love. Whether it is a new dress, a new game or an avocado, if you love it, it will construct you happy.

9. Call your best friend and tell them that you are feeling down. Talk about it for a while if you want but then ask your friend to tell a funny gag or story to put a smile on your face.

10. Go to your local park and spend some time on the swings.

11. If you feel really low, weep it out. Put on a sad anthem and truly let yourself go you are able to feel better afterwards.

12. Reflect on some of the awesome things youve achieved in your lifetime.

13. Do 50 jumping jacks.

14. Look in a mirror( or your phone camera) and smile at yourself for a few seconds. Breathe in and out, and take a few seconds to look at your favorite facial feature.

15. Forgive yourself. For everything. Every single person on the earth induces mistakes.

16. Adjust your expectations.

17. Buy blooms for someone you love. They will be so happy especially since there was no reason for it besides genuine love.

18. Cook your favorite dessert.

19. Put yourself first.

20. Put your friends and family at a close second.

21. Start a new pastime that youve always liked the idea of, such as playing the guitar or painting.

22. Do something nice for a stranger, such as devoting them your bus pass.

23. Find a mentor who you look up to.

24. Be a mentor to persons who looks up to you.

25. Clean your room/ home/ desk. If youre looking at something that is untidy, it wont improve your mood it will simply build you feel worse. A clean space will assist you in clear your mind.

26. Throw your head back and stroll like youre on the catwalk. Youll feel pretty damn fabulous after half an hour!

27. Cook a meal youve never attained before you will be able to find a recipe online!

28. Praise someone in your family.

29. Call your parents for a catch up.

30. Accept your negative emotions. Everyone feels insecure and jealous sometimes, and these feelings will never go away but they dont have to rule you, and they shouldnt.

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17 Ways Lazy Girls Fake Having Their Shit Together

I’m one of those lazy girls that constantly floats between wearing glasses and sweatpants, to the whole nine yards with murderer heels and a little black dress. But, the majority of cases( all the time ), I’d rather not really try.I have come to find that , none of us really have to try so hard to seem like weknow what we’re doing. It’s easier than it seems.

1 . Throw your hair up in a messy bun . No matter your hair texture, or how badly the ends of your strands seem, you can always set it up and spray with a bit of hairspray to make sure it lasts all day.

2 . Sunglasses . They hide tired eyes, puffy eyes, hangovers, and blemishes. They are truly the best accessory. You don’t even require make-up.

3 . Starbucks . I don’t care if you despise it, but carrying around a Starbucks cupin your hand induces you lookSOdarn fancy.

4 . Wine . Display wine bottles all over your place. Collect the corks to display on your coffee table. Basically, wine will always be the answer. No matter what.

5 . LaCroix Water . I likely will never be able to pronounce it, but when you pull one out of your purse, you will look fancy as f* ck.

6 . Throw on a dress . Candidly, why even bother putting on pants anymore?

7 . Always order the biggest plate of pasta you can . Literally, everyone else with their pathetic salads are going to stare at you with jealousy. #winning. #alwayssayyestopasta.

8 . Save old selfies . Whenever “youre feeling” on’ fleek ‘, take a scene. On the days when you are lying in bed with nothing to do, post one of those old but HOT pictures of yourself. Likes guaranteed.

9 . Google pictures of the gym . Then, post some believable ones on your snapchat. Keep’ murdering’ in bed.

10 . If you must go out, don’t forgotten your’ medicine ‘. Now, when you want to leave early to a collect, depict your friends your’ antibiotics’ that the doctor prescribed for you. You are free to goes, and in the clear.

11 . Fairy lightings . So, you don’t feel like vacuuming or cleaning your apartment up at all? Not a problem. Buy some cute suns, hang them up, and your friends won’t even notice the disaster that is right in from of them.

12 . Adult coloring books . Some may say you’re lazy for not going out on a Friday night, Isay you are relaxing your intellect with some good old fashioned fun( and alcohol ).

13 . Build up your bed . No matter how messy and disgusting your bedroom is, attaining up your bed will always make you look like you are on top of things.

14 . Always have gum on hand . Sometimes, you forget to brush your teeth while you were in a rush to get work. What does the job? Gum. Sometimes, you have a really bad hangover and brushing your teeth isn’t cutting it. What does the job? Gum.

15 . Dry shampoo . We all don’t have time to wash our hair every single day. Meet dry shampoo: your new best friend. It get rid of excess oil and constructs it look like you actually tried( for once ).

16 . Fake plants . I don’t know what it is about plants, but they are really hard to take care of( or it’s just me ). Solution? Fake flowers, fake hydrangeas, and fakesucculents will construct you seem like the queen of having your shit together.

17 . When all else fails, stop devoting a crap . Pay no intellect to the persons who to continue efforts to put you down. Espouse your laziness. Embrace who you are. You’re freaking awesome.

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Sometimes The People We Fall Hardest For Are The People Who Let Us Down The Hardest

As much as it hurts, and how much it kills you, sometimes the people we love we most, are the ones that aren’t good for us. No matter how much you care for them, and how much you want to keep them in your life, sometimes the people you love most are the ones who will hurt you the most.

It’s hard for us to picture the person we love most in this world every trying to hurt us, but the harder we love, the bigger the possibility of them hurting us gets. It’s hard for us to imagine them saying goodbye, or them leaving without another word. It’s hard to picture the moment when they will find someone better, someone prettier, someone more likable.

“It won’t happen to us”, we say. “Our relationship is different than all the others”, we try to convince ourselves. “He wouldn’t do that to me”, we whisperto ourselves in the darkness.

But sometimes, no matter how big the love is, and how confident the bond is between you two, they will end up hurting you. No matter what you do.

We can’t escape it. We can’t foresee it. We can’t ever predict it. Sometimes, it just happens. Without a warning. And without a chance of explanation. They call you on the phone telling you it’s over. They pack up their bags and leave overnight. They write a note on your bedside table saying sorry. They tell you they want to see other place. They tell you they have changed their minds.

And it’s not anyone’s fault. It’s not your fault for loving so hard. It’s not their fault for having a change of heart. It’s not your fault for entering into the relationship. It’s not their fault for finding someone else who they get along better with.

It’s just life. It’s how things happen. And sometimes, the worst things happens. The boy you thought was your forever is gone. The boy you loved the most, wrecked you. And they didn’t even give you a chance to show them all you had to offer them.

They never ever gave you a chance.

So, what do you say to them? What do you do? You tell those people who left you, that it’s their loss. That you feel sorry for them for never giving you the benefit of the doubt. That they just lost the best thing they could’ve had.

And then tell them thank you.

Because now, you finally realize that they weren’t the best person for you.

The best person for you wouldn’t ever leave. The best person for you wouldn’t ever dare to sneak out without another word. The best person for you would never utter the words, “goodbye”. The best person for you would be right there next to you, sleeping soundly, dreaming of you. The best person for you would stay. They will always stay.

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21 Life Lessons Learned From Some Of The World’s Greatest Sports Coaches

For people who dont play or like sports, athletics metaphors are frustrating, obnoxious or cliche. Of course, they think this at their loss. Even the ancient philosophers from Seneca to Epictetus to Socrates loved to reference sports. Wrestling, gymnastics, boxing, runningyou cant cracking an ancient text and not find them connecting doctrine to metaphors about sparring, about competing in the Olympics, and training and winning and losing.

They do this because athletics then, as now, were a part of life. Also because they exemplify the best and the worst of lifeour competitive advises, teamwork, grace under pressure, realise our potential, the agony of defeat. Its why I love books written by great coachesthey have so much to teach us , not only about the game but about life itself.

What follows are some of my favorite principles from some of the greatest coaches of all timefrom Wooden to Belichick, from Carroll to Phil Jackson. Whether you ever pick up a football or grappling or play a competitive sport of any kind, these lessons will improve their own lives. Theyll make you better at business, at stressful situations, at tackling tough problems and at detecting motivation.

Hope you like them.

[*] Do the Grunt Work In Education of a Coach you can see how Bill Belichick, the now four-time Super Bowl-winning coach of the New England Patriots, made his way up the ranks of the NFL by loving and mastering how to do the one thing that coaches hated at the time: analyzing film. Doing so he helped attain his superiors look goodan approach I call The Canvas Strategyand in the process devoted himself increased understanding of video games that today cannot be matched. Do the grunt work and learn from Belichick.

[*] Have a Philosophy Seahawks coach-and-four Pete Carroll is known for his Win Forever philosophythe winning mindset he aims to instill in his staff and players. Similarly, coach Wooden has his own Pyramid of Success.( In fact, Pete Carroll was inspired by Wooden to make his own philosophy of winning .) These doctrines and frameworks are critical as they codify the principles and rules by which a squad will make decisions and operate on a day-to-day basis. If you dont have a doctrine, how do you expect to know what to do in tough situations? Or when the situation is confusing or complicated? Being reactive is never a position of strength.

[*] Focus On Your Inner Scorecard Famous basketball coach-and-four John Wooden defined success in the following way: Success is peace of mind, which is a direct result of self satisfaction in knowing you made their attempts to do your best to become the best that you are capable of becoming. Notice he didnt say anything about the score of video games. Doing your best is what matters. Focus on that. External rewards are just extra. And Warren Buffett has said the same thing, making a distinction between the inner scorecard and the external one. Your potential, the absolute best youre capable ofthats the metric to measure yourself against.

[*] Set High Standards& Observe Them Football coach Bill Walsh took the 49 ers from the worst team in the league to Super Bowl champs in merely three years. How? He generated a culture of excellence and instilled what he called his Criterion of Performance. That is: How to practise. How to dress. How to hold the ball. Where to be on a play down to the very inch. Which skills mattered for each position. He knew that by upholding these standards, the score would take care of itself.

[*] Do Your Job Speaking of Bill Belichick, consistently remind yourself of his simple mantra: Do your job .

[*] Inoculate Against The Disease of Me Pat Riley, one of the greatest NBA coaches, has observed that once teams start winning consistently, they enter a stage called the Disease of Methe moment when chests swell and egos emerge. To devote a basketball instance, its Shaq and Kobe, unable to play together. Its Michael Jordan punching his teammates. Once weve made it, our propensity is to switch to a mindset of get whats mine. Lets make one thing clear: we never earn the right to be greedy or to pursue our own interest at the expense of everyone else.

[*] Find Your Plus, Minus and Equal The MMA trainer Frank Shamrock runs fighters through a system called +, -, =. Everyone needs to work with someone better than them, equal to them and someone who they can teach. Who are yours?

[*] Ignore The End Result, Focus on the Progress Football coach-and-four Nick Saban is known for teaching his players The Process. And the process is simple. It is about doing the right things, right now. We neednt scramble like were so often inclined to do when some difficult task sits in front of us. The process is about not are concerned about what might happen afterwards, or research results, or the whole picture. It is simply this: focusing on the task at hand, forgetting everything else. He is basically telling his players: Dont think about winning the SEC Championship. Dont think about the national championship. Think about what you needed to do in this drill, on this play, in this moment.

[*] Prepare For the Chaos This is how coach-and-four Phil Jacksons describes one of his most effective tactics when he prepares his players: Once I had the Bulls practice in silence; on another occasion I made them scrimmage with the lights out. Not because I want to make their lives miserable but because I want to prepare them for the inevitable chaos that occurs the minute they step onto a basketball court. Chaos, both in athletics and in life, is inevitable. Are you prepared? How can you practice in advance so it doesnt catch you off your guard?

[*] Take Small Steps Pat Riley: Excellence is the gradual outcome of always striving to do better. Notice that he says gradual. Its about the small steps you can take each and every day to make a tiny bit of improvement. Your only point of comparison should be yourself the day before.

[*] Focus on the Journey Phil Jackson says that … in the early stages of every season I always encouraged players to focus on the journey rather than the goal. What matters most is playing video games the right way and having the fortitude to grow, as human beings as well as basketball players. When you do that, the ring takes care of itself. We cant let ourselves live in a conditional future when things somehow will be okay. The present is all we have.

[*] Achieve Victory With Focus& Determination In any endeavourin athletics or in a creative fieldthe elite run comes from deep work. And deep work is that place of intense concentration and cognitive focus where real progress is made. It is why Pat Riley says that There can only be one state of mind as you approach any profound exam; total concentration, a spirit of togetherness, and strength. That state of mind involves presence and focus. Nothing else would cut it.

[*] Set Rules for Yourself Coach Bill Walsh says that like water, many decent someones will seek lower ground if left to their own tendencies. What we need to block these tendencies is regulations. Little ones that we can follow to stimulate us better. This is why relying on rules, constraints and systems is important.

[*] Prepare for Failure and Adversity Bill Walsh has said that almost always, your road to victory goes through a place called failure. There is no question, adversity is part of any journey. It is the ultimate test of character. As Pat Riley put it: You have no choices about how you lose, but you do have a selection about how you come back and prepare to win again.

[*] Stay Humble Keep in intellect coach Woodens simple advice: Talent is God-given. Be humble. Notoriety is man-given. Be grateful. Conceit is self-given. Be careful. Of those, conceit is the most dangerous. Learning, progress and improvement all stop when you think you have figured it all out. This is your ego indulging in a narrative that is not true. Humility is the antidote.

[*] Play for the Name on the Front You’re looking for players whose name on the front of the sweater is more important than the one on the back. I look for these players to play hard, to play smart, and to represent their country. This is how the hockey coach Herb Brooks put it. Or if you prefer soccer coach-and-four Tony Adamss version:” Play for the name on the front of the shirt and theyll remember the name on the back .”

[*] Dont Personalize the Outcome Bill Walsh describes the importance of not personalizing the outcome of our run as it can become crippling and paralyzing: … any kind of loss becomes very disturbing because youve attached your self-image to the results of the rivalry. Winning can become insidious for the same reason, that is, you let the victory to begin determining your self-worth, how you feel about yourself. Again, you cant let externals decide your self-worth. It is why Colin Powell advises to avoid having your ego so close to your position that when your position falls, your ego goes with it.

[*] Master the Details Coach Vince Lombardi allegedly began seasons by grabbing a ball, showing it to his players and saying, Gentlemen, this is a football. Coach Wooden is known for showing his players how to put on their socks. He goes into the details of it, even telling them to check around the toe and heel for any wrinkles. Why would he do that? Grown humen surely know how to put one across socks. His reply: You ensure, if there are wrinkles in your socks or your shoes aren’t tied properly, you will develop blisters. With blisters, you’ll miss practise. If you miss practise, you don’t play. And if you don’t play, we cannot win. Mastering the details and all the fundamental elements is critical.

[*] You Are a Shareholder Bill Belichick in his 2013 keynote: What Ive always told our team, and what I thoroughly believe in, is that every member of our team players, coach-and-fours, support staff and so forth is a shareholder. They have a share in the team. Are they all exactly equal? Of course not, but theyre all stockholders. Again, as Bill puts it, simply do your job. Understand your role in the team, excel at it and as he says, put the team first.

[*] Dont Be Passionate A young basketball player named Lewis Alcindor Jr ., who won three national championships with John Wooden at UCLA, used one word to describe the style of his famous coach: dispassionate. As in not passionate. Wooden wasnt about rah-rah speeches or inspiration. He assured those extra emotions as a burden. Instead, his doctrine was about being in control and doing your job and never being passions slave. The player who learned that lesson from Wooden would afterwards change his name to one you remember better: Kareem Abdul-Jabbar.

[*] Do Your Job When Saints coach Sean Payton had to spend a year away from the Saints after the Bountygate scandal, he set a sign up in the training facility. It was a giant picture of his face and it had Bill Belichicks line underneath: Do Your Job.

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And eventually, I couldnt but objective this piece with a line from the greatest( fictional) coach-and-fourof all time: Clear eyes. Full hearts. Cant lose.

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