What To Do If You’re Less Than Satisfied With Your Sex Life

Relationships are always hot and heavy in the beginning. But at some point, most people in long-term relationships experience a lull in the bedroom. The good news, besides the fact that you’re not alone? It’s not likely to last eternally, said Chris Maxwell Rose, a Bay Area sex educator .~ ATAGEND

“Knowing that it won’t last eternally can take a lot of the pressure and rancour out of the situation and allow you to appreciate other parts of your relationship more fully, ” she told HuffPost.

If and when you do want to revive your sex life, you need to make a plan for doing so. Below, Rose and other experts share eight tips-off for heating things up in the bedroom.

1. Talk about it, even if it feels awkward to bring up.

If you want to get back to having sex, you’re going to have to bring up the elephant in the room: Tell your partner you’re unhappy with your sex life and want things to change. The important thing must therefore be real with one another and gauge whether or not your S.O. feels similarly, told Angela Skurtu, a St. Louis-based therapist .~ ATAGEND

“Have a direct conversation about what you each are willing to do to rebuild your sexuality life, ” she told. “You need to both agree that you are unhappy with the quality and frequency and be willing to commit day and energy into rebuilding it.”

If one of you is perfectly content with your lackluster sex life, you may need to see a therapist, Skurtu said.

2. Flirt shamelessly.

If at this phase, you can count the number of hours you’ve held hands in the past year, it’s n ot a good thing. Once you’ve had the conversation above, flirting with your spouse is the best way to demonstrate that you mean business about having sex again, told Skurtu.

“Talk to your partner about what styles of flirting you find exciting as well — ‘I like it when you kiss me randomly and then go do something else. It leaves me wanting more! ‘” Skurtu offered as two examples. “You can also send flirty text, simply start to be playful again.”

3. Don’t wait for your partner — go solo.

Just because sexuality with your partner is infrequent doesn’t mean you’re not a sexual person. Masturbating more often is one of the most liberating moves you can stimulate during this sexless period, said Bay Area sexuality educator Charlotte Mia Rose.

“Everyone has an individual sexuality that is theirs alone, that can then be shared with a partner, ” she told. “If your partner’s libido is gone, you can still have a rich and active sexuality life! This is a revolutionary way to think about sex in a couples-obsessed culture and it runs style beyond masturbation: You can enjoy all of the sensual pleasures of life, get into the best shape of your life and otherwise enjoy being in your body.”

In the end, the more you “cultivate your own sexuality, the more you’ll have to offer your partner when they are ready to reconnect, ” she said.

4. Engrave out some time for a weekly sexuality date.

Scheduling time for sex may sound supremely unsexy but hey, desperate times call for desperate measures. When you and your partner have made your stride again, you’ll think back lovingly on your days of Google calendar-suggested sex.

“If you haven’t had intercourse for a very long time, don’t think that you can hop in bed now and get right on that, ” told Tammy Nelson, a sex therapist and the author of Getting the Sexuality You Want. “With a sex date on the calendar, you are more likely to plan out what you can do to make it fun, different and exciting.”

5. Hug and touch on a regular basis.

Bringing sexy back isn’t going to happen overnight, but it helps to remember that making a connection doesn’t have to be an all or nothing bargain. Start with a massage or simply touching and run your style up to sexuality, said sex lecturer Chris Maxwell Rose.

“Affectionate touch is just as important to the health of a relationship as passionate sex, ” she explained. “Even if you aren’t having sexuality, try to add more casual affection into your days; long hugs, kissing and cuddling are all wonderful ways to express your love.”

Take baby steps at first, Rose added: “Aim for at least one long hug( at least 20 seconds or longer to trigger the release of oxytocin) or cuddling session a day.”

6. Revisit your sex highlightings as a couple.

You don’t want to dwell on the past ( of course things were hotter in the beginning) but revisiting the highlighting reel of your sex life may remind your spouse what you two are missing, Skurtu said.

“Start from the beginning and should be specified: ‘You recollect when we were on that hike in the timbers and we ended up having sexuality? ‘” Skurtu told. “Go through old sexuality narratives play by play and talking here how it felt for each of you during those experiences. This skill going to be able to couples begin to feel that old trigger together.”

7. If something feels good, go with it.

You may have had certain preferences back in the day. As you re-approach sexuality again, give yourself permission to experiment with whatever arrives naturally and feelings right to you both, Nelson said. It may help you get out of your rut.

“If you eat ravioli every night of the week for year after year, wouldn’t you be totally sick of ravioli? ” she said. “Try something new. You aren’t going to have sex if you’ve been together for a very long time and sexuality has become boring or mundane.”

8. Romance each other.

Aside from sexuality dates, make a plan to go on actual dates, Skurtu said.

“Go on a classic long walking on the beach, dress up sexy for one another or illuminated a fire at home, ” she said. “The key is to put some attempt into the time you spend with your spouse.”

And if your date night turns into a sex night, only consider it a bonus. 😉

Read more: www.huffingtonpost.com

The Sensitive Girl’s Guide To The F* ck Buddy

It’s no great mystery that I’m a deep sensitive girl creature( or “highly sensitive ,” as my therapist gently sets it ). I’ve written endlessly about my hypersensitivity to sad movies, the emotional hardships of people I love, and the jarring energy from creepy entities breathing on me on the train.

I’ve been vomiting out dark tales of my acute sensitivity across the great expanse of the Interweb for the last six months. I’m sick of writing about it. You’re sick of reading it. You’re telling to yourself, “You’re sensitive, Zara. SO ARE WE. WE GET IT. SHUT THE F* CK UP ABOUT IT.”

Girl, I know.

But lucky for you, we’re going to navigate a pressing issue that is very rarely discussed in the sensitive daughter community: How the hell does a single, sensitive daughter score a f* ck buddy without the tethers of emotional attachments?

The truth is, wesensitive ladies crave sexuality with a deeper, more cutting ferocity than any other breed of woman. Sweeping generalization? Sue me. It’s true .

Sensitive girls are just wildly, wildly sensual. We have heightened senses.If you were to somewhat brush your body against mine, and I just so happened to be madly attracted to you, I could practically have an orgasm right then and right there. Intense I know, but that’s exactly what I am.

Beingsexual altogether works in my favor when I’m in a relationship. I’m the perfect girlfriend if you want to have a consistently steamy sexuality life. I want to sext, have telephone sex, have actual sexuality, oral sex, all kinds of sexuality, all the time. And the majority of members of my sensitive sisters-in-crime have confessed they’re exactly the same.

So what’s a sensitive girl to do when she finds herself as single as a dollar bill?

Scoring a f* ck buddy is a tricky accomplishment for us sensies . We are madly passionate women who open up easily and attain the rare ability to make anyone( even the most guarded of humans) open up to us. And someonealways catches feelings.

AND THE ENTIRE POINT OF A F* CK BUDDY IS TO F* CK WITHOUT FEELINGS, RIGHT?

Um , not really. That’s not howwe roll. I think it’s entirely OKto f* ck with impressions, so long as you leave those feelings in the bedroom. Which, again, is hard. But don’t fret. It’s not impossible.

And just like any other girl in the world, it’s our rightas highly sensitive women to have sexual connects that are free of emotional connections. Now, especially.

It’s winter, girls. It’s cold. Nothing is worse than being sexually frustrated and cold.

So here it is: The Sensitive Girl’s Guide To Procuring A Successful F* ck Buddy.

And if just one of you lovelies gets a successful f* ck buddy this cuffing season, then my job is done, and I can die happy.

Find someone you would never, ever dream of dating.

One of the most outstandingly beautiful, vulnerable and sensitive writer-friends of mine, Tia *, has the dreaming f* ck buddy situation. She describes her f* ck buddy as a “hot construction worker with a pea-size brain.” That is some# F* ckBuddyGoals.

Because of his pea-sized brain, she knows there is ZERO future with this guy. She’s smart and lives for stimulating conversation over red glasses of wine. This guy doesn’t even like wine. A bonafide deal breaker to Tia.

So women, girls, and everyone in-between: This right here is as pivotal as a PISTOL. Anytime your mind slowly wanders into the visualization of actual dating territory, you’re totally screwed, and your f* ck buddy is no longer a f* ck buddy.


Try to find someone who is moving away.

This is the most ideal situation you can find yourself in. This was the case when I had my one and only lovely, cunning, HOT and effective f* ck buddy. Let’s call her Lesley .*

I fulfilled Lesley one night at a dimly light downtown diving, merely to find out that in three months, she was moving. And she wasn’t only moving from Chelsea to Williamsburg, but from Chelsea to f* cking Scotland.

I knew there was no way I could stay attached, and so did she. So we got down and dirty for three months, and BAM — off she sailed into the cross-Atlantic sky, fading from my life forever.

It was awesome and seamlessly leads me into my next point.


There must be a time limit on the f* ck buddy.

Give yourself a Hard deadline to when the f* cking has to end. Because if you end up having that much sex, for an extended period of time, that intimacy will become as addictiveasan innocent bump of cocaine that turns into a life-long speed habit.

It’s the animalistic nature lurking within us. We will get attached, or even worse, thef* ck buddy will get attached. And then we will have to hurt his or herfragile feelings by telling them we’re done. And there is nothing worse to a sensitive daughter than HURTING a human being. It’s the reason we stay in relationships far past their expiration dates.


Don’t ever let him or herinto your home.

Once a person enters your home, bounds have been crossed. My home is my temple, apersonal reflection of mystyleand experiences, and only special people are allowed into my holy grail.

Trust me. Once you come into my humble abode and pet my gorgeous King Charles cavalier spaniel, Charlotte, you will fall in love with me. Or she will fall in love with you, and I will feel obligated to invite you over again. And again. Anything for Charlotte.

Also, I don’t need you knowing I sleep with a stuffed Hello Kitty every night of the week because she makes me feel safe and less alone in the cruel, cold city. I can save that kind of vulnerability for people I’m dating( who, inevitably, will come to discover that a29-year-old who sleeps with Hello Kitty is probably profoundly troubled ).

Look, go to a hotel( if you can afford it) or to the f* ck buddy’s home, which is probably a f* ckboy pad and will definitely remind you that you won’twant more anyway.


In fact, while we’reat it, let’s just say NO SLEEPOVERS at all.

There is something about sleeping next to another person; You’re at your most vulnerable when “youre sleeping”. I recollect one of my failed attempts at having a f* ck buddy got killed because we expended the night every time we had sex.

And since I’m a naturally affectionate person, we would end up cuddling. Holding each other through the night.

And f* ck, we both caught impressions, both objective up hurt, and both thoughtthe f* cking wasn’t worth the aftermath: a mildly shattered heart.


Don’t discuss your childhood, trauma or anything about family.

Just don’t do it. You KNOW better. Even if you’re an over-sharing, irrepressibly curious gallike me. This is when EMOTIONAL ATTACHMENTS occur.


Watch your drinking.

I’m no f* cking hero when it comes to the wild and wonderful world of BOOZE. I like my champagne as much as the next Chanel bag-toting, Manhattan-living, clichd way victim.

But when you start to DRINK, you to start to lose control of your carefully curated rules. You will spend the night. You will uncover too much. Or, as in my typical case, you will tell them you LIKE THEM while burning in the hot of the sexual moment. And then you will have to hurt them by telling them you were just DRUNK.

Remember, a f* ck buddy is all about being fully in control. And booze is always the catalyst to losing control.


REMEMBER: YOU CAN HAVE PASSIONATE SEX WITHOUT CATCHING FEELINGS.

Let’s get real. If you’re a passionate fan, you’re going to have passionate sex, even if it’s with a f* ck buddy. It’s entirely possible to have that insatiable, passionate sexuality without catching feelings. Just stick to the ground rules.

And look, if you do catch impressions, don’t fret. Sometimes, love comes in the most unlikely of places. Like f* ck buddies who were only made for f* cking.


* Name has been changed

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5 Style I Knew I Was Ready To Have Sex For The First Day With Someone I Was Dating

Having sex with person for the first time is super exciting, and there’s really no time frame for when it’s right.

There are times when I’ve hit it off with somebody so intensely that we’ve had sex on the first date. There are other days when we’ve gone on a few dates before doing it, and still others where we were friends for so long that we never had a date to begin with.

Feelings don’t stick to a strict schedule. That’s why I’ve learnedto tune into what’s going on with me, what kind of connect I’m sensing, and where I’m at physically as well.

These are the things that help me figure out whether or not I’m ready to have sex with person for the first time.

1. I Felt Comfortable

Before I have sex with somebody, I need to know that they are respectful of me. This includes firm confidence that they will pay attention to my borders and listen if I convey discomfort.

According to Dr. Nikki Goldstein, expert sexologist and author of, these boundaries vary depending on who you are.

For some people, sex on the first date or early on is fine, and the objective is comfortable with it. For others, they need to feel connected, intimate, and safe with person before they jump into bed, Dr. Goldstein told Elite Daily.

For me, these lines vary depending on how I’m feeling. Casually seeing someone versus looking to seriously date them also plays a role. There’s no incorrect boundary to set, though, and it’s important to listen to your intestine instinct, whether you’re heading out on your first date or your 31 st.

Feeling comfortable also entails knowing that the person goes into the bedroom with an open intellect, that they’re into providingpleasure to their partner and not just seeking their own, and that they’ll be appreciative of what happens , no matter what.

Obviously, this can’t all be gauged before actually going to bed with someone. But before I have sex with the person or persons I’m seeing, I wantto have a pretty good notion of how they’ll act in the bedroom.

2. I KnewThey Were EmotionallyInvested

Before I have sex with person, I don’t need to think that we are going to spend the rest of our lives together or anything. At this point, I doubt I’m guessing beyond the next week.

What I do need, though, is to feel like the person I am ensure is equally invested in me emotionally. I also need to be pretty confident that that investment isn’t going to disappear as soon as we have sex.

Of course, there is always a risk that a person who is attached at first will become emotionally unavailablelater. Paying close attention to their behavior over time should help you gauge whether or not you’re with a person who is going to flake.

I can tell whether or not a person is into me by insuring how they treat me. It’s definitely more about what they do than what a person tells. Does she respond to my text within a reasonable sum of period? Does he get in touch with me if I haven’t hit him up?

If I am in doubt about how a person feels aboutme well, it’s better to ask than to stay in the dark. Some people are shy or slow to answer. A simple question ahead of time can save you a lot of pain down the road.

3. I Felt Good About Myself With And Without Them

When I was younger, before I was fully in control of my sex life, I think there were definitely a few occasions where I rushed into sex to please the other person.

I didn’t have the best self-esteem when I was younger, and I’ll admit that sometimes, I had sexuality as a confidence boost. More often than not, however, this backfired.

Sometimes, this happened before we even talked about one another’s sex health a conversation that, these days, I feel is an absolute must.

I know I am ready to have sex with somebody when I’m not entirely focused on how they’ll think ofme in bed. If I am emotionally close to them and comfortable, I’ll be more interested in our reciprocal pleasure of each other.

And when it comes right down to it, I will have the confidence to know that it’s 99 percent likely that my partner will have a good time. If they don’t, I’ll also be in a place where I’m able to say that it’s them and not me.

4. I Felt In Control

When it’s the first time with somebody new, I know that if I feelin control of my wishes and my body, then the sexuality has a better likelihood ofnot being totally awkward.

Being nervous the first time you’re having sexuality with the person you’re find is pretty normal. You’re not familiar with their body, their predilections, and what feels good to them.

That’s actually kind of amazing because it means that this is your chance to communicate and begin to explore one another.

I’ve found that being out of control induces it seem a lot less amazing and a lot more clumsy. This is especially true if we have been drinking to appease our nerves.

Waking up feeling embarrassed in the morning because you don’t know what you said or did the night before is not a great feeling. It might even attain you feel like you have to run in shame from that person you were really into 12 hours ago.

Tune into what you want and find a way to stay in control and to soothe your own fears. Clue: It won’t be at the bottom of that bottle.

5. The Timing Was Right

There are certain times of the month when I’m just more into sexuality than others. I’ve learned to be patient with the process.

When I’m ovulating, for instance, I often get cysts. I know because I have a twing-y pain in my pelvis. This has induced sex truly painful in the past. It’s definitely not worth rushing into.

As for period sexuality, I’m entirely down if I’ve been with a person long enough to know that they won’tbe weirded out by it.

If they’re not? It causes a lot of hassle and will probably lead to me feeling resentful of the person or persons I’m seeing for not being more open minded.

While my boundaries might fall a few months after going steady, it takes time for that to happen. I want to be sure my body is in alignment with my intellect when I’m having sexuality with someone for the first time.

Trust me, I know it’s tough. When you’re really into somebody, you want to hop into bed right away. And while there’s no substitute for sexuality, just think about how much that anticipation is going to turn things up a notch when you ultimately do get into bed.

While it’s not sexuality, there’s nothing incorrect with a good, old-fashioned make-out sesh if you feel you only aren’t ready yet.

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‘SNL’ Vanessa Bayer Says Dont Ask Your Friends For Advice About Sexual Health EXCLUSIVE

In addition to being our favorite starring and playing Amy Schumer’s work BFF in, actress Vanessa Bayer also spends her period promoting a pretty sweet cause: Allegran’s Know Your Birth Control Campaign. She was nice enough to talk to me about all things family planning that she learned with the campaign. But before Vanessa Bayer shares birth control advice with us, let me give you some more background on the campaign.

According to the Know Your Birth Control site, the goal was truly to have Vanessa Bayer and Dr. Jessica Shepherd, OB/ GYN, team up to dispel any popular fallacies about family planning 😛 TAGEND

There’s a lot of dialogue out there about birth control–and a lot of misinformation, too. So much so, that it has us wondering: just how much do( or don’t !) women genuinely know about family planning? We sent comedian Vanessa Bayer to hit the streets of New York City to find out.

Then, to set the record straight, we invited Dr. Jessica Shepherd, practicing and well-published OB/ GYN, to tell us the truth about the Pill in a 3-part video series.

So, basically, Bayer reached the street to find out what girls did and know about their birth control, and let’s just say, most of us still have A LOT to learn. You can see a snippet of it in the video below, and you can watch the whole video series here.

Check out the “Best of Elite Daily” stream in the Bustle App for more tales just like this !

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No, this German sex-ed site wasn’t created to teach Muslim migrants not to rape

The headlines were titillating 😛 TAGEND”Germany defines up safe sexuality website for refugeesand it’s altogether awkward, ” exclaimed the U.K.’s Metro .

“Website tells migrants how to handle the Germans, ” read the Times of Europe.

“Germany greetings refugees with sex education website, ” claimed Fox News.

On social media, advocates for refugees and Muslim migrants “ve called the” German government’s new sex-ed website, Zanzu.de, “racist and humiliating.” When the site launched in February, with its textbook descriptions of rape and women’s bodies, the mediasuggested that the government had rushed to create it in reaction to a string of New Year’s Eve reports of sexual assault involving men who, according to Cologne police chief Wolfgang Albers, were “of Arab or North African appearance.”

So what is this Zanzu site, anyway? Was it created simply to teach the influx of Middle Eastern migrants how not to sexually assault German females?

The Daily Dot reached out to Germany’s Federal Centre for Health Education( known as the BZgA ), which created and launched Zanzu. Dr. Christine Winkelmann, head of a division that oversees HIV and STI prevention education, explained that the BZgA first guessed up the sex-ed website back in 2012 and began working on a needs assessment in partnership with Belgium’s Flemish Expertise Centre for Sexual Health in 2013.

“Zanzu was created to support mediators( medical doctors, medical personnel, or counselors) in their work with migrants who, for several reasons, don’t know the language of the host country, Germany or Belgium, yet, ” Winkelmann told the Daily Dot. “These may be people who have migrated to Germany or Belgium for different reasonsEU internal migrants, matrimony migrants, asylum seekers, and refugees.”

When asked whether the website was launched in response to the wave of New Year’s Eve assaults, Winkelmann reacted: “No, certainly not.”

Immigration to Germany has been robust for years, as people from nearby conservative areas attempt its relative liberties and healthy economy. According to a 2015 German statistics bureau report, 20 percent of the country’s residents have an immigrant background; the majority of residents who are not native Germans are Turkish, followed by Polish, Italians, and Romanians. Of the top 15 nationality groups among migrants to German, the majority represent regions decimated by the Yugoslav Wars and bordering countries: Croatia, Serbia, Bosnia, Kosovo, Bulgaria, Hungary, and Greece.

Because all of these immigrants speak different languages, medical professionals often struggle to communicate with their patients. The German government created Zanzu in order to help physicians translate words relating to family planning, pregnancy, HIV and STI prevention, and relationships into the main languages used by immigrant populations.

Part of the route Zanzu does that is by offering a glossary of medical terms that healthcare providers can easily translate into various languagesin addition to its many admittedly awkward illustrations of sexuality and bodies.

Zanzu’s English site is headlined “My body in words and images, ” and has members of the general feel of a sex-ed pamphlet. There are dorky medical illustrations that, for example, explain how the menstrual period worksand how to use a condom. While perhaps a bit more graphic than what we’re used to in the more uptight U.S ., Zanzu encompasses all the basics of sexuality ed with a few special migration-related issues hurled inlike explaining that female genital mutilation is illegal in Germany.

“The website was launched in 13 languages at the beginning of the year, which was perceived by some of the media in the context of the refugees, ” said Winkelmann. “The fact that the website has 13 speeches increased the impression thatits main target groups are the migrants themselves instead of the intermediaries working with the migrants.”

Language options include German, English, Polish, Dutch, Russian, Spanish, French, Turkish, Arabic, Bulgarian, Albanian, and Romanian.

Unlike the United Stateswhere less than half of states mandate sex ed be taught in schoolsGermany offers comprehensivesex educationto youth starting in grade school. Sex ed continues throughout high school, and special HIV and STI prevention programs target youth and adults through outreach and education.

Because of its multilingual capabilities and the fact that it’s available to anyone with Web access, Zanzu may merely be theEsperantoof sex ed.

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Lesbians Have The Best Orgasms, According To Science

Ever wonder which gender experiences the best, most powerful, and longest-lasting orgasms?

It turns out a group of curious researchers set out to answer this one particular question.

In a video uploaded to YouTube by AsapSCIENCE, it is revealed that straight girls have longer-lasting but less frequent orgasms than straight humen do.

As for straight humen, their orgasms are typically shorter but more frequent than straight women’s.

Here’s the video.

Now, I know what you’re guessing : anyone could have told you that.

That’s precisely why I was more impressed bythe results on lesbians and their orgasms.

In a recentstudy conducted by a group of doctors investigating the sexual habits of men and women of different sex orientations, it was found that lesbian females experience nearly 12 percentage more orgasms than straight women.

Keep in intellect, straight females are known to produce longer orgasms, but experience them less frequently than straight men.

ScienceAlert exposes,

The study found that, on average, the lesbians experienced around 12 percent more orgasms than straight women, with 25 percentage saying they climaxed during every sexual encounter, and nearly half saying they experienced an orgasm more than 75 percent of the time.

The study also concluded that lesbians experience sexual intercourse for longer periods of period than men and women of other sex orientations.

And here’s the kicker for all those non-lesbians out there: not only did they experience a higher frequency of orgasms when compared to their straight equivalents, they also had longer sexual encounters, with an average of 30 to 45 minutes vs. 15 to 35 minutes.

This entails lesbians are having sexuality for longer periods of hour and having more orgasms as a result. It’s OK, straight men and straight women — it’s all in the timing( so work on that ).

When it comes to having the best orgasms, it looks like lesbians win that game!

Subscribe to Elite Daily’s officer newsletter, The Edge, for more narratives you don’t want to miss .

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Should Hollywood do more to portray safer sexuality?

Last week, Insecures Issa Rae responded to fans who claim the reveal should do more to depict safe sexual practices but the show isnt alone in its portrayal of condom-free action

Theres still something undeniably obligating about a good sex scene. Whether its to build intrigue, advance the plot or, well, indulge our collective wish to see Hollywood stars undress and simulate coitus, they remain attention-grabbing set-pieces.

But even in the best sex scenes, the industry has generally eschewed condoms, a trend that climaxed, if you will, when fans pointed out that Issa Raes sex-heavy series Insecure has, over the course of one and a half seasons, failed to show its characters discussing, buying or applying protection. And the HBO series isnt alone: if youve ever wondered how movie and TV characters seem miraculously capable of bypassing foreplay, moving quickly from a shared glance of reciprocal desire to a carnal espouse, its because a) it isnt real, and b) they dont seem to use contraception.

Of course, the dearth of contraception use in cinema and TV is scarcely Issa Raes own cross to bear. But the show-runner and star of the Golden Globe-nominated make answered nonetheless, explaining to her Twitter adherents that she and her crew tend to place condoms in the backgrounds of scenes or connote them, attaching to the tweet two stills from the episode where open condom wrappers appear on a bedside table. We hear you guys and will do better next season, she added.

Issa Rae (@ IssaRae)

We tend to place condoms in the backgrounds of scenes or connote them. But we hear you guys and will do better next season. #InsecureHBO pic.twitter.com/ q9quKK3ZB8

August 14, 2017

Prentice Penny, the presents executive producer, took a less conciliatory approach, telling fans on Twitter that in the writers room its assumed characters use condoms. We are not a PSA, documentary, or non-profit, he added. They should not look to ANY decisions our characters make as a compass.

While Insecures been asked to shoulder the burden of promulgating safe sexuality recently, its still worth asking just how scarcely its practiced, or referenced, in pop culture writ large. And a dive into the annals of the cultural condom canon shows how regularly theyre utilized simply as information sources for slapstick slapstick or to cause an unintended pregnancy.

When explicitly mentioned or shown in sex scenes, condoms function as a gimmick or plot device, like in The Naked Gun, when Leslie Nielsens Lieutenant Frank Drebin and Priscilla Presleys Jane Spencer put on full-body latex suits before fooling around. The whole gag, in true Naked Gun form, was less about sexuality than it was the absurdity of these performers looking like contraceptive Teletubbies, just as it was when Steve Carrell slips a Magnum on his arm in the 40 -Year Old Virgin as Catherine Keener looks on in horror.

The plot of Judd Apatows Knocked Up is of course singularly driven by a misunderstanding between Ben( Seth Rogen) and Alison( Katherine Heigl) about not using protection during their one-night stand. I assumed you were wearing a patch or, like, a dental dam, Ben says. Then they have a newborn. The opening scene of the Master of None pilot demonstrates Dev( Aziz Ansari) having sexuality with Rachel( Noel Wells) before the condom transgress and they Uber to a convenience store to buy Plan B. One of the few hours in recent years where condoms were depicted without much fanfare was in the film adaptation of Fifty Shades of Grey, where the sex is otherwise mostly vanilla; twice Christian Grey puts on a condom, and theres even in a brief joke about the oral contraceptive clause in Anas sex contract.

Steve
Steve Carrell in The 40 -Year Old Virgin Photograph: Youtube

Fifty Shades acknowledged that using protection is a safeguard against not only unintended pregnancy but sexually transmitted infections too; Girls, Transparent and the British sitcom Lovesick have also addressed STIs in ways both big and small. And based on a 2016 report by the Center for Disease Control and Prevention, STI rates recently reached an all-time high: in 2015, there were more than 1.5 million reported cases of chlamydia, nearly 400,000 of gonorrhea and close to 24,000 cases of primary and secondary syphilis. A study by the informational site BirthControl.com found that, in their past 10 instances of intercourse, women utilized condoms 58% of the time and men 79%.

But onscreen, you wouldnt know it; characters mostly head straight to the sack without skipping a beat.

The question of protection in Insecure was first raised by Jozen Cummings in a article last week for the Root. Some wrote off the op-ed as more pearl-clutching from the media police, while others argued that its worth Issa Raes time to show some compulsory condom application, even if it messes with the rhythm of the depicts sex scenes. But the trends too pervasive to fall on the shoulders of one demonstrate, since condoms are practically nonexistent across the industry when theyre not the butt of a joke.

A 2010 study undertaken by the UK Department of Health entitled Mis-selling Sex investigated 350 episodes of television with sexuality scenes and found that merely 7% of them featured any sort of discussion of contraceptive utilize. More alarming still is that in 99 of 102 instances of intercourse examined for the study which included British soaps such as EastEnders and Coronation Street, as well as American dramas such as Desperate Housewives and Greys Anatomy condoms didnt appear to be used at all.

But some think that we overestimate pop cultures capacity to normalize safe sexuality. And others, like Penny, argue that movies and television demonstrates arent public service announcements but creative, for-profit entities, with no responsibility whatsoever to lead audiences towards contraception and safe sex.

Theres validity to both debates. But truthfully, how hard can it be for shows to throw a condom in there for good measure, especially since the sexuality scenes unlike the kind had in porn studios in the San Fernando Valley, where legislations been proposed to mandate contraception to stop the spread of STIs arent real?

I think its easy enough to include condoms because this is fiction that is supposed to simulate certain specific types of reality, said Dr Dennis Fortenberry, a professor of pediatrics at Indiana Universitys school of medicine and a member of the American Sexual Health Associations board of directors. I think including contraception in useful ways actually accentuates the reality of the situation. And many of these demonstrates intend to create models of reality, so I dont find any particular reason to leave contraception and condoms out.

As for whether calling for more depictions of contraception employ constitutes an undue onu on a cinema or television displays writers, Fortenberry believes that we already police sex onscreen in more established and indiscernible ways.

I recognise the difficulty of defining standards and policing film and television in ways that are compatible with other social values, but we police it already in terms of prohibiting some kinds of content, with restrictions on the kinds of sex acts that can be shown or even discussed, he told me. Most of the sex thats shown on television and in most widely available cinemas is not very explicit. You actually cant understand sex by watching it on TV.

Unfortunately, theres no barometer to measure the extent to which real-life sexual practices are influenced by sexuality in cinema and Tv. But the imprint left by seeing characters simulate intercourse like the family movie night gone awry when adolescents are forced to watch a sex scene opposite their parents is potent. Fortenberry believes the issues akin to that of cigarette smoking onscreen, which Hollywood studios began to legislate when anti-smoking lobbyists framed it as a matter of public health.

If you take, for example, cigarette smoking and the limits on advertising for and portrayals of cigarettes, thats part of a larger social understanding of the harms of smoking and the importance of this approach for the prevention of those damages, Fortenberry explained.

And though he remains skeptical as to whether presenting safe sexuality would affect spectators own practices, Fortenberry thinks its worth a shot, insofar as we continue to encourage contraceptive use in other ways too.

I think by itself, depicting more contraception use wouldnt be all that helpful, but it would contribute to a larger social stance that puts value on prevention and on sex health, as a part of sexuality educated in middle and high schools and access to this kind of information through a variety of public health venues, he said. I couldnt easily support this with extensive data, but my impression is that parental values and influences, influences from peers at school and other places, sex education at schools, all of those I think are more immediate influences on young peoples attitudes and behaviors.

Read more: www.theguardian.com

Researchers Ultimately Figured Out If It’s Better To Have High Or Drunk Sex

As human beings, we love to have sex.A lot of us also love to beverage. A lot of us also love to smoking weed.

Needless to say, for those working of us lovers who love get high and drunk, the possibility of setting up blending sex with either of those activities is VERY exciting.

But, that leads us to the age-old topic, “Which is more fun: drunk sex or high sexuality? ”

A new analyze sought to find an answer for usonce and for all.

The small, in-depth analyse got together a squad of researchers led by New York University public health researcher, Joseph J. Palamar.

The team employed Craigslist to find2 4 English-speaking New Yorkers between the ages of 18 and 35 who admittedly had both had drunk, high and sober sex.( They defined sex as “any sexual activity[ involving some form of genital contact] with another individual that can result in orgasm in either individual.”)

In order to conduct their study, research assistants performed in-depth interviews after a semi-structured interview. The majority of their questions focused on the differences between marijuana and alcohol-related sex experiences.

The general consensus among respondents seemed to be that alcohol increased confidence and lowered inhibitions, while marijuana increased sensitivity and the tendency to space out.

In words of the actual sex, people reported alcohol led to desensitization, and marijuanas actually led to an increase in sensation.

New York Magazine’s Science of Us reported some of the respondents answers 😛 TAGEND

When there’s drinking involved, guys seem to get more belligerent and crazy, and get this weird aggressive energy Maybe I’m looking for it( sex) more if I were drunk, whereas when I’m high, I’m happy doing other things. Sexuality is great. Watching a movie is great. Resting’s great. Butwhen I’m drunk, fucking would be great.

Female, white, 31


Oh, so much regret for alcohol. Sometimes I hook up with girls I wouldn’t normally have while sober. I feel like weed only enhances the attraction and the connection, but with alcohol, there’s lots of regret. Lots of embarrassment.

Male, black, 20


I want to cook the person something to eat( after sex) when I’m high. When I’m drunk, it’s like, ”I’m out of here.” Or get away from me.

Male, white, 33

The winner seems to be drumroll, please high sexuality! It generally led to more “magnified” orgasms and less regret.

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Why Is Your Penis A Different Color To The Rest Of Your Body?

Its a question even the most braveand petroleum would struggle to form into Yahoo! Answers: Why is it our genitals and teats are darker than the rest of our skin?

Speaking to the Daily Mail Online , Dr. Cameron Rokhsar and Dr. Lindsey Bordone both dermatologists based in New York answered this age-old question.

Turns out, its all to do with our sexhormones. The level of hormones present in our body, such as testosterone and estrogen, regulate the activity of our melanocyte cells. These are the cells in our skin and hair that release melanin, the protein pigment responsible for our skin color. Production of these rampupwhen we made puberty, hence why these dark areas merely appear to emerge when we get older.

Hormones govern the style melanocytes render their pigment, ” saidDr. Rokhsar.”Those can have an effect on the way the scalp in that area pigments, so generally that area is darker.”

When girls are young, their teats are light, Dr. Bordone added. And as they get older, hormones have an effect and the teats darken.

Its very similar for boys.

This is also the reason why so many kids have fair hair, yet grow up to have darker locks.

According to Dr. Bordone, althoughdark sexy bits are usually a normal characterstic, a change in color could be a sign of health problems, such as diabetes.Your skin can darken in certain areas when your sugars was high and youre developing diabetes, she said.Chances are it’s nothing to worry about, but if youre unsure you should consult your doctor.

Read more: www.iflscience.com

Women Who Live In ‘Contraceptive Deserts’ In The US Still Can’t Get Birth Control

Itwas a huge, groundbreaking moment in history back in 2010 when the Affordable Care Act forced all insurance companies to cover family planning for women in the United States.

But sadly, we need to hold the applause. There is still a nation-wide epidemic that prevents millions of women from gaining access to birth control.

So where do these women absence proper family planning options principally live? They reside in counties understandably deemed contraceptive deserts.

Contraceptive deserts are places in the United States that dont have one public health clinic per 1,000 women who need government funded birth control.

Shocking, I know, but according to a study led by the National Campaign to Prevent Teen and Unplanned Pregnancy, virtually 20 million American girls( ages 13 -4 4) who are in need of publicly funded family planning dont have access to any health care clinics that can provide them with proper contraceptives.

That entails merely one female in 50 girls have easy access to birth control.

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