I don’t know you. I don’t know your narrative or your past.I don’t know the heart breaking or confusion or conflict in your life. I don’t know if you’re having relationships a matter that hurt and confuse and steal your elation. I don’t know if you’re struggling with your child and the role of parenthood has beaten you down. I don’t know the trauma or abuse or intestine wrenching rawness you’re going through.
I don’t know you. But I do know something about you.
I know your tale is worthy. I know you’re able to heal, to rise from the ashes and become the person or persons you were created to be. I know that with a little support, you’ll be back on your feet and the frightening cloud of inner distress will be lifted.
I’ve sat in the offices of five different therapists in my life time. I don’t seem the type to want a therapist. I don’t have any abuse in my past. I come from a happy home with loving mothers. I’ve sat across from many therapists, waiting for me to unleash my supposed repressed memories of a painful childhood- but I simply don’t have any.
But what I do have is this anxiety, this panic, this depression, that grips it’s long, jagged fingernails tightly into the walls of brain, making it hard to breathe or insure straight or feel normal. The medication built me sicker than my nervousnes did, so I went to therapy instead.
I’ve sat across from all types of therapists. Male, female, old, young, black, white, free, professional, cognitive behavior therapists, counselors, talkative, quiet…the list goes on. I’ve had good therapists…and I’ve had very bad therapists.
But I’m here to tell you something important. There is NO SHAME in discovering counseling, therapy, wisdom, subsistence. There is NO SHAME in telling someone you meet with a therapist or counselor. There is NO SHAME in attempting help. There is NO SHAME in realizing you need an unbiased third party.
In fact, it’s the bravest thing you can do. The ultimate sort of self-care. The champion of natural redress. Opening up to a stranger is frightening. But I’m telling you…it’s worth it. It is. You’ll find this version of yourself that you didn’t realize you had in you- one that is brave, and worthy of healing from feelings that gnaw at you.
Realize it is GOOD to talk about the wounds that haunt you.
An highly dear friend recently told him that ” All people could benefit from going to counseling. The smart people actually go .”
Be a smart person. Take the first step. You can do it. It’s worth it. I promise.
Life is chaotic sometimes. Just as you think everything is going swimmingly, something happens that sends you out of whack. It stimulates you a little bit adrift and this unsettling feeling is hard to shake. Whether its losing your job, your SO, or even if your favorite coffee shop closes down( yes, this would suck for me ), its important to take a step back, exhale and surrender.
I always get into a funk when my life goes off balance. Sometimes I feel like Ive taken one step forwards and two steps back. Thats when I stop and realise,
It’s okay.
Its okay to feel behind, its okay not to be okay, but at the same hour its important to pick yourself up. I give myself 10 emotional minutes in a day if I need it, then I get up and remind myself that I am a gangster( with a matcha latte and a yoga mat ).
Accept.
We want to control everything around us, the situations and the person or persons, but youve got to remember that you cant control every aspect of your life. Dont waste your energy into things you cant control. Instead, utilize that energy to get yourself closer to those goals and being the best version of yourself.
Trust.
Trust in life and trust in yourself. Trust that where you are at in your life at the moment is the right thing and the thing this is necessary most. Dont compare your life to others, everyone is on an individual journey and is on a completely different route and scrolling through your feed upon social media isnt going to stimulate you feel better if you think everyone is ahead of you. Life isnt a race so slow down.
Learn.
Learn from the struggles, falls, heartache, heartbreak, loss, and endings. Because when something ends, a new thing begins. Learn from the people who have come into your life and left, learn from the people who are still here, learn from your experiences good and bad, and most of all learn from yourself.
Celebrate.
We all have objectives that we one day trying to achieve, but in the meantime celebrate your small wins and keep yourself motivated. Focusing on only the big goal can be daunting at times when you think youre not getting closer to it, so look at each step as a tick in the box, getting you that much closer to your goals and go and have that glass of wine and celebrate( any excuse for a tipple ).
Be grateful.
Be grateful for everything in your life. Acknowledge the good no matter how small. You woke up this morning and have another chance at life, you have great friends and family, you have a roof over your head whatever it is, be grateful.
Remember, life is amazing, then awful. And then its amazing again. And in between the amazing and the awful, its ordinary and mundane and routine. Breathe in the amazing, hold on through the nasty, and relax and exhale during the course of its ordinary. Thats just living, heart-breaking, soul-healing, astounding, nasty, ordinary life and its breathtakingly beautiful.
I roll out of bed ataround 4:30 am even after a 1:00 am clock out at work a short 3.5 hours prior. My phone lies on my nightstand lighted up with Nordstrom Rackemails, Tinder messages, and an option to hit Sleep.
Next step is usually a trip-up to the bathroom to rinse the make up residue from my eyes I failed to getoff properly the night before. I head to the kitchen next, snap the lid on the Keurig for coffee and crack two eggs for my omelette.
My green Herschel backpack is stuffed to the top with food, clothes, and other random items Ill need for the next several hours .
I pull my plaid pajama shorts off and change into a pair of multi-color gym shorts and a Lululemon tank. The walking to the gym is a short 8 minutes where I begin my first chore of the day.
My status at 9am is as follows 😛 TAGEND Job# 1 Check . Workout Check . Dark circles beneath my eyes: Check. Check. Check .
After a rain, I hop onto the metro to Court House station in Arlington, VA where my freelance marketing gig is. Outside the office is a giant mural, overloaded with every color in the spectrum. Step into the office and youll find boxes, several desks, and a keg of Yuengling light.
Hunter *, what are Saturdays for? THE BOYS! He replies.
this is how my Tuesdays usually go.
My work uniform changes from gym clothes, to jeans paired with a cute shirt and then a transitionto a tight black tank usually wornwith dark-wash shorts and Converse-like nonslip shoes. A Flying Dog bottle opener usually hangs out of my back pocket as I head to my third job of the day.
Work views are brew taps and a dusty Absolut Oak bottle that is never utilized. Networking is chatting up bar guests with the occasional resume/ business card exchange .# Goals areum, I dont really know.
A 23 year old single bartender living in the nations capital: a demographic I presently fall into which I have come to find out is few and far between. Im not are participating in grad school, I didnt move here to be with a significant other, I dont have a defined career path. My day-to-day activities dont involve long commutes on the Metro, responding to emails in record-setting hours, or lunch breaks with co-workers at thefood truck outside of the office
My schedule is long and not the most glorious, but I dont allow myself to complain. Ok, perhaps the ocassionalIm tired AF stop talking to me, remark, but its a life I opted for myself.
I recently was offered a full hour 9-5 gig. Benefits, an entry level salary, a smart option. One that would have certainly removed me from the uncommon demographic I have stumbled upon. One that would turn my 16 hour days into 9, one that would give my loved ones a peace of mind that Im more financially and mentally stable.
I wanted to respond to the email with eagerness, but as my fingers began to type the response, I hit backspace.
Thank you so much for this opportunity. I would love to acc-
Delete.
I politely declined the offer.
Im trying really hard not to sound like the cliche millennial with a~ go with the flow~ position about my professional life because the truth is, I am very much looking forward to the day that I can afford to take weekends off. I cant wait to tell my mommy that I landed a job and be genuinely aroused about it. I cant wait to look back and say to myself 😛 TAGEND
But, I want to be excited about it. Maybe the next job I land wont be exactly what I want to do with the rest of my life, but why should I have to settle for something so farfetched from where I want to be to feel like I belong?
Its hard for some people to understand a lot of the choices I construct, and its even tougher to explain them. But, Ive found that its best not explain them at all.
Just because I dont know exactly where this path will take me, at least I know its going to take me somewhere.
People call me crazy for running 3 jobs. To be honest, I could probably get by with only bartending full period if I wanted to. However, Id rather be living a life that encompasses all of my interestswhile getting paid for it. And if that entails running my ass of day in and day out, thats ok.
The stereotypical DC question to ask. Sometimes people are just genuinely interested, but other days its to compare themselves.Its a question I get all of the time, usuallyas Im pouring a beer for them as they are in the midst of complaining about how miserable their task is. Its often an assumption that bartending is just for extra cash, and for a lot of people it is. But for me, its not. At least for now.
I dont go into detail about my long days, because I know they dont genuinely want to hear it. I used to feel like I had to explain myself and my situation often replying with 😛 TAGEND
Well Im just trying to figure out what I want to do so I run a few chores find what will fit best for me.
Who wants to get up at 4:30 am and finish the working day at 1am? Society would classify us as: crazy, unhappy, and overworked.
Crazy? Perhaps. Overworked? At hours, yeah. Unhappy? Who says?
It would be taboo for me to say, This life I have chosen for myself induces me genuinely happy. Even if its the truth.
I moved to a new cityto for one reason: to create a new life. One that may be messy, exhausting, and challenging at times, but I find happinessin the fact that I construct it on my own.I may have to excavation beneath the several thousand dollars of rent pays, Uber charges, and shitty boys to find it, but its still there.
I shouldnt have to explain why this life makes me happy, and neither should you.
Be good people and make healthy options. Know your worth, but know youll forgotten your worth at times too, and thats OK. Learn from it. Mothers, peers, and privileged strangers will tell you a steady careeris the key to happiness, which is fine, but dont let them define your the expected accomplishments and contentment if youre not in the same state of mind. Take each opportunity presented to you and run with it. Whether that opportunity involves asking customers how theyd like their burger cooked or traveling the world with Nat Geo( someday ), it doesnt matter. Every task, every shitty guy, every individual experience attains you more than who you were yesterday. And thats awesome.
My Tuesdays may be different from your Tuesdays, but its merely a Tuesday. And I like Tuesdays. I hope you do too .
1. Set realistic goals . You can always plan, but mind you! Setting a objective is actually putting a deadline to that sketch you have in mind. You need to program your brain into thinking that your aspirations are real, and that they can come true. Set yourself to believing that your goals are possible, and start living in a few moments bounded to attaining your goals.
2. Invest in trusting people and although this is a world full of people who take advantage, see to it that you maintain a good human relation to everyone you satisfy. Know your purpose, for life is about networking; It is about expanding your circle and filling the gap of every thread that comes along the way. Trusting people is like setting up their home communities, a place you can run to. It may sound hard to easily trust, but remember that you must surround yourself with people who inspire you. Trust those people you want to be surrounded with and grow with them.
3. Hang out with people you look up to . For those people have certainly achieved something that you havent. Otherwise, just sleep at home and do nothing. All Im trying to say is that, if you want to be ahead ofeveryone, hang out with people who are already ahead of you. Only then will you realize that youre behind, and with that you will have the virtue to actually catch up with them. Stop wasting your time chatting with people who are packed with negativity and bitterness in this life, start mingling with people who have more positive and vibrant outlook.
4. Always think highly of yourself for success is about yourself in the market. The world is an ever evolving industry; so make sure that you market yourself intelligently. Believing highly of yourself can help you boost your confidence, it will send positive energy to your brain and it will light up a whole new dimension for your perspectives. You need to believe that you are a product worth buying for before anyone ever believes you. You have to know your own potential before you can make anyone to appreciate you. It always starts within you, hence, used to go and be proud of yourself.
5. Be frugal no matter what and I bet this is an era of being practical , none the less. Always select something you need over your wants. Spending too much can ruin your finances eternally, and you do not want that to happen. Why not start saving and expending now, and spend later when your investments are already making money for you. Saving is one thing, and expending is another. Invest your time learning these two things, and the key is to be thrifty. You need to be in control with your spending and wise with which you put your money in to. Remember, only those who know the value of money can actually appreciate being wealthy and successful. You have to know that the value of every penny accounts for your hard work; and so, chose to expend it wisely on things that will benefit you in the long run.
6. Be an inspiration assistance someone grow, dont step on the weak, but rather help them up. Kindness is an essential ingredient, and it is manifested in everything you may want to achieve if you truly want to succeed. Choose to do things differently, in a way that you realize that fund is not the root of all evil. Know that becoming an inspiration is your route of paying forward. Love what you do and do what you love, always be cheerful for happiness is the only thing that genuinely depicts success.
There are a few things that wise people do differently, for these people know that in order to be outstanding, they need to do something that common people never do. Growing means being mindful, it entails jumping into something that can bring out the best in you. Someone who wants to grow understands that leaving the convenience zone is the only way out.
When your parent is succumbing , nothing induces sense. There is no right and there is no wrong, there are barely even shades of grey in between. When it is happening slowly, you might even forget they are dying.
I forgot my father was dying, as fucked up and far fetched as that sounds. It had all happened so quickly and then he stabilized. Life went back to normal. He was dying, sure. But it wasnt happening right away anymore. So I forgot. I forgot that he was dying and that his body would slowly, but surely, shut down. I forgot that every dialogue could be the last. I forgot and began screening his calls again. I forgot that I should be grasping at every opportunity to speak to him to hear him while I could. Wasnt this the time I should be spending asking him all the important questions?
I forgot until his kidneys and liver was beginning to fail abruptly. I forgot and then I wasnt sure what to do. I had wasted months, days, and hours and precious seconds. What could I do? How could I get them back? How could I escape this abhorrent person I had become? But the truth is, there was nothing and there is nothing to be done.
Run a bath. Operate a bath so hot that it burns you skin. Fill it with so many bubbles they look like heaven. Those could be the clouds your parent will be sitting on soon. Get in the water and be in heaven with them. Forget that underneath the clouds there is water so hot it burns like hell. Sit. Let your skin become red and raw. Play with the bubbles. Induce a bubble beard while below the surface your skin shrieks in protest.
Eat ice cream for dinner and laugh when you realize that the last text you sent your succumbing parent was what colour is your urine today ?. That could be the last text you ever send them. Laugh. Revel in the laughter.
Hate them. Hate them so much for destroying their body and leaving you.
Realize you are watching them die twice. Once right now, and once when it eventually passes. When their last breath rattlings from their lungs. Realize you cannot fucking wait to hear the death rattle because then it will be over. It will all be over someday.
Love them. Love them so much you want them to hold on until they are nothing but skin and bone. Love them so much that their skeletal form is better than them achieving peace at last. Preclude them from leaving you.
Scrub your scalp in a scald shower. Wash the scent of death off of you. Clean the fact that you are the girl with the slowly succumbing father right off of your skin.
Laugh about the fact that your mother doesnt know where they are half the time because there are so many toxins in their brain. Laugh and call them an moronic silently. Its okay. They will still love you.
And most importantly , no matter what you chose, how your sorrow presents itself, remember that there is no right and there is no incorrect. Still love yourself even if with their last breath you detested them. Still love yourself even if with their last breath you were praying them to bide. Still love yourself, because there are no regulations to this. Still love yourself, because you will be all that is left after.
1. Set realistic goals . You can always plan, but mind you! Setting a objective is actually putting a deadline to that sketch you have in mind. You need to program your brain into thinking that your aspirations are real, and that they can come true. Set yourself to believing that your goals are possible, and start living in a few moments bounded to attaining your goals.
