We’ve all been there. I’ve definitely been there.

My alarm goes off, my eyes shoot open and I change to my side tosee who’s sleeping next to me. It’s my boyfriend, the guy I’ve been head-over-heels in love with for a year now. He feels the same style about me, and all is right in the world.

Except it’s not because I only woke up from a dream where a boyfriend from a few years ago asked if I wanted to give it another shot, and Dream Leigh said “yes.”

Let me make one thing very clear: I rarely think of this person. I glance at his Facebook page once a month, tops, and although he’s not my favorite person in the world, I don’t sit around thinking about how much he sucks or how much I miss him.

So what kind of f* cked up message is the universe trying to send me? That however blissfully happy I suppose I am, I’m secretly pining for this lame guy who couldn’t commit to me?

After some thorough research, I’m happy to report the answer is “no.” I’m completely over said lame guy. In fact, dreaming about your ex isn’t rare at all. A survey conducted by the dream-interpretation website DreamsCloud find 29 percent of people dream about past loves.

Here’s what’s actually going on when you dream about your ex.

You’re craving closure.

You can take all the steps in the world to get closure after a relationship — burning everything your ex ever gave you, drunkenly hate-texting the person or persons beforeblocking the numberor grabbing coffee to have a civil “goodbye” conversation — but actual close can be hard to come by.

I dreamed about an ex-boyfriend for two years until we ran into each other at a party and he gave me a heartfelt apology. And just like that, he vanished from my subconscious thought processes.

That, my friends, is what we call close. Although I enjoy the fact that he no longer makes appearances in my dreams, the fact that he did pop up from time to hour didn’t mean I hadn’t moved on.

Asrelationship therapist Anne McKay told Women’s Health,

If you are in a fulfil relationship, then frequently dreaming about an ex shouldn’t be a threat.

She added these dreamings are probably related to lack of close, but put down your phone .

Please don’t text your ex and ask if you two should meet to “tie up loose ends.” If you’re in a happy relationship, this could do more harm than good. As McKay suggested, simply try to stop seeing these dreamings as a threat.


You want your current relationship to work out.

If you’re in a new relationship, you may be dreaming about your ex more than usual. Don’t be alarmed — this isn’t a red flag.

As dream analyst Ally Mead to present to Huffington Post, your psyche is probably just hard at work. She said,

Your psyche may still be trying to sort out the pluses and minuses of your old relationship. In this situation, your psyche is trying to ensure success with your new relationship … Most of the time, however, dreamings are symbolic and not literal. Your feelings are probably best directed toward mending whatever happened to attain you exes in the first place.

Like it or not, we all have a past. So as you enter into a new relationship, it only builds sense your brain would want to gather information about your last relationship and apply it to your present one.

Don’t be too hard on yourself. Your psyche is just trying to figure out what’s what.


You’re looking formore love in your life.

It’s naturally occurring you’d want to revisit happy time periods and relationships once in a while, so if you find yourself dreaming about a love from long ago — a high school sweetie, for example — it doesn’t mean you’re still thinking about your 17 -year-old lover.

But it might mean you’re wantingsomething more.

Whether you’re single or in an unfulfilling relationship, dreaming of a young, innocent love could mean you’re craving a “higher intensity of love, ” as the dream-interpretation website DreamThread notes.

If your high school sweetie is now engaged and owns a golden retriever, don’t break down and decide you missed your one shot at true love. You guys broke up for a reason, and there are few things more intense than falling in love for the first time.

It only attains sense toget nostalgic for a love like that from time to time.

So if you, like me, wake up panicked because you just dreamed about your ex, shrug it off.

In some suits, you’ve gotta letyour dreamings be dreams.

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